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Why have kids if your gonna allow daycare and school to raise them and teach them things you don't beleive in?

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I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (81-90):
Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:44 AM

Both of my parents worked out of necessity.

The most important people in my life has always been my parents. 


Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:13 AM


Quoting TSNDDY:

This doesn't apply to me, I am a SAHM & I homeschool.

I was seriously considering homeschooling my son. I have decided that it isn't in my son's best interest to have him at home for school. He is autistic and really needs the interaction with other people besides his stay at home mom. He is learning socialization at his preschool. He is doing very well. He is learning to take turns, to play with the other children instead of just playing by himself beside them. He is learning a great deal. Since I don't have transportation other than a bus that will take us to the nearest city, this is important.

To me, to be able to be home in the morning before my son goes to school and be home when he gets home from school is important. I understand that a lot of parents don't have that option.  I honestly feel that the parents that work because they have to, have the hardest job. To have to leave your child when you would prefer to be with them, is very hard. 

For those that aren't the SAH type, they are also doing what is best for their family and themselves. 

We shouldn't be putting people in a little neat box just so we can understand them better. Everyone is different. Things that work for one family may not work for another family. 
I personally, feel that a child should learn to question everything, and learn to think for themselves and not become mindless sheep.

A child is with their parents from the moment they are born, and if they are lucky until they start school. If not lucky then they are in daycare with other kids, which can be a good thing. They learn what is and isn't acceptable behavior when it comes to speaking to other. (or so I would hope)

There are a lot of kids now a days that don't even have respect for themselves,let alone anyone else. And then there are kids who have a lot of respect for themselves for their parents, and for other people who treat them with respect.

Understanding responsibility, and knowing how to have fun in your own life is important. There is a time and place for everything. 

Judging other mother's because of their choices and because of what they do out of necessity seems to be a waste of time. When that time could be spent either working, cleaning, spending time with family and friends, and worrying about your own life and the lives of those you take care of. 

My son, If I do my job as his parent right, will know what I feel is important in life, and understand my beliefs, but will think for himself and decide what is right for him in this life, and not be a cookie cutter of me or his father, but his own person with his own strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, and code of conduct.

dlnimo
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:13 AM
All I will say about this is, I completely and utterly disagree with your point of view!


Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.


Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.


  


 


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NDADanceMom
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:17 AM

One of my students is in a before school program, gets to school at 6:30 am and is in an after school program till 6pm.  He is in kinder so I assume he goes to bed about 8 at the latest.  By the time they eat dinner they are with their kids about an hour a day.  I dont know why they bother to have kids and the boys they do have are very immature.  I gave the boy a couple of oreos the other day and he made such a mess with them.  It reminded me of when you give a baby an oreo.  It was all over his face, nearly up to his eyes, the table was a mess and his shirt was  a mess.  

He clearly doesnt have a ton of conversatoins (at school they need to stay on task.  Teachers cant spend an hour just chatting to a student)   He studders not from a speech issue but he is so excited to talk that he cant get all the words out at once.  

This boy is even in child care most weekends with a nanny.  its so sad. 

peaches_04
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:21 AM
So your saying why have children if were planning on having them educated?

I will be my childrens primary influence but its good for them to have other influential people in their lives
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peaches_04
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:23 AM
They wouldnt have any social skills if we locked them up with us all day every day
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lwalker270
by Lara on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:56 AM
2 moms liked this

Actually, there is an excellent reason that I'm a SAHM:  it works for my family.  The end.

You have a very myopic view of what is ideal for everyone.  I am a college-educated woman (as most of my SAHM friends are) and contribute far more to my family than "sitting on my butt" and "sponging off my husband". In fact, it's quite unusual that I'm home during the day as I volunteer quite a bit of my time and am a very involved parent at my boys' school.  

I'm very fortunate to have a husband that sees great value in what I do.  His hours are unpredictable and he travels a lot and it gives him peace of mind to know that I've got things well under control here at home.  I (happily) chose to give up a career when we made the decision for me to stay home and I would make the same decision again.  Because it's what works for MY family.

I guess if I had a husband who didn't see the value of what I do for our family or a very short-sighted way of thinking I could neatly place every SAHM in the same box (just as I could for WOHMs) but I guess it's lucky I'm able to see past one limited viewpoint.

Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.







The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald



witchybabymomma
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:36 PM

 so are you saying everyone should give their kids up since they have to work to support them??

LuvNLearn
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 8:56 PM


I so like this post!


As an in home Childcare Provider, I see where you are coming from.

I'm a mother of  a15 y/o son and a 28 y/o son.  I've been in the Childcare business for 31 years.

In our contract it state that children may only have 10 hr slots.  I've had parents try to leave them with us from 6 am to 6 pm.

We understand that not all parents can afford to stay at home.  Most families seem to need both parents working.

I send photos to parents through texts and emails to help them feel like they are involved with their children.  Also take video.

I know it's not the perfect solution but it is better then going to work and forgetting their children until they pick them up.


That said, I've run across some parents that I REALLY wondered about.

I've had parents who couldn't wait to get home, feed the toddler and put them to bed  by 7pm.

They would say how much they missed their child but instead of taking them to the park or back yard they end up feeding, bathing and putting them to bed early.

I even had one mom come in on her day off.  I said oh, are you picking your daughter up early?  

Mom: No, 

Me: Oh, I just thought that since you were off you might plan to take her to get ya'lls nails done.  *smile*

Mom: (and I kid you not!) Well, I've HAD her all WEEK end!

(*_*)

I've had children come in with the same, what use to be pretty, hairdo on Monday that I sent them home with on Friday.

As a Childcare Provider it can be very frustrating.

So, Why have kids if you can't raise them and need others to do so for you.... to that I say, if you need a daycare, choose carefully and find one that mirrors what you want your child to learn.  (^_^)

Schools on the other hand are a HORRIBLE place sometimes.  At least Public schools are once the child gets into middle school on up.  In Texas let me add... I don't know about other States.

I had to rely on other Providers within the daycare to teach my child.  It was hard.  He was down the hallway but I wasn't allowed to go look and if I did he could get upset also it made the teacher feel I didn't trust her.

Quoting JavaLadybug2:

I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?



Woodbabe
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 9:16 PM
3 moms liked this

Even if you're so far up your kid's ass that they can't poot without you knowing what they've eaten, you only have until about the age of 7 to set those morals and values. After that peer pressure has way more influence. 

To judge those who send their kids to daycare and school is pretty shallow and cold-hearted. Some of the hardest working women have the biggest impacts on their kids. Much better to teach a child to get up and go to work every day than to sit on your ass collecting govt. money. Generational welfare and poverty start at home.

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