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need opinions! planning a not so traditional wedding

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OK, here's my first of probably many snags in my plans.
We got engaged over Xmas (yay!)
For health insurance reasons (I have none) obvious tax and legal reasons and the possible adoption of my DS by my DF, we're in kind of a hurry to get the legal and state potion taken care of ASAP.
However ....
an actual wedding, dress, Glam, guests, the whole 9 yards are important and possible to us and our parents. So we're taking the traditional year and a day to plan, save etc,etc.

So how in the world do I sign my marriage license a year before my wedding with out it coming off as tacky, or gift grabby, or whatever bashable term is acceptable lol.
I'm thinking a blessing or maybe handfasting ceremony? His family is Jewish, mine is Catholic and pretty Irish. Help me out ladies!!!!! Interfaith "second wedding"? I'm clueless as to what the etiquette is for such a situation!
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by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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 My DH and I had a handfasting (Pagan wedding ceremony) about 8 years before we actually got married. You can do it in reverse. Go down and get married through the courts then have the ceremony later.

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:01 AM

A courthouse wedding and then a big ceremony.  I don't know of a single insurance ccompany that will cover you as simply a fiance in possession of a marriage license that hasn't been signed by a clergyman or judge.  As for the IRS and other legal institutions, Common Law Marriage is no longer recognized (unless it took affect before 1995) in most states.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Your not going to be able to just sign the marriage certificate a year in advance without actually getting married. But if you want to have a big wedding ceremony later on that's your choice and I don't see it as a big deal. I married my husband in a small ceremony with a justice of the peace and parents/siblings. My inlaws hosted a reception in August to celebrate. Personally I think big weddings are stupid and way to much show and unless you have plenty of money a really bad financial decision.
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by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:04 PM
No,, the courthouse wedding issue is definitely getting done this year, so yes, we'll already be married. I'm glad the idea isn't as horrifying as I was starting to believe it was, as far as registering, we already have what we we need, other than for traditions sake there's no need, but it will be expected by most family members. I just want to be tasteful ya know...
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by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:09 PM

I wouldnt tell them you are actually married.  Just let them think you are doing the real thing on that day.  Nobody looks at your papers anyway.  Just dont change your name until your ceremony, your insurance will still work and he can start the adoption process. 

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:30 PM
Do it as a marriage blessing
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by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:37 PM
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well..i don't know your exact situation but i know a LOT of military couples that get married at the court house and after things have settled down with all of the paperwork/schools/deployments/moving they have a wedding...and it usually is abt 6 months- a year later. i have never thought it was tacky. one is legal (the certificate signing) and the other is ceremonial (the wedding itself) so i don't see the need for it to be an all or nothing event.

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:34 PM
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My sister in law just did this, actually. They married quietly at the courthouse for medical insurance reasons, but the wedding 'ceremony' (white dress, flower girl, etc) will be held this summer so family can be there to celebrate their union. And my DH and I married quietly (and quickly) for, again, medical insurance reasons. It isn't unheard of, and I certainly don't think its tacky. Do what you want to do, and don't worry about what others might think. This is your marriage, and it can be done exactly how YOU want it.

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:36 PM

 Go sign the certificate, make it official and zip it. Nobody needs to know. However, it will probably be hard not to tell... lol

by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it's wrong to be married first and then have some sort of celebration later but it does seem rather "sneaky" to do the first in secret as though there is something "wrong" in doing it that way. Do as you need to do but be straightforward about it. It seems more honest and genuine to me that way.

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