Advertisement
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

what can you say to someone who is in a forced relationship?!

Posted by   + Show Post

i don't know what to say to my niece anymore she lives about two hours away in a small small town with her husband whom she was guilted into marrying by his parents...she calls or texts constantly about how she doesnt love him and how she doesnt know why it's so hard for her to leave and leave for good they have three kids together and she is pregnant again, she said she feels like he uses her.. he has cheated on her before, she has left him a number of times and he always blackmailed her into going back, this last time she went back to him was cause he told her he had cancer and was going to die and she stupidly believed him..and yes it was a lie he admitted to her when she got back and when she said she was leaving he told her if she left he would post a video of them having sex on the internet..i dont know what to say to her when she asks for advice i feel like theres nothing more to say but at the same time i dont want her to feel there is no way out :(   i hate him so much! for doing this to her and for making her feel trapped!

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:21 PM
Replies (11-20):
macilah
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:41 PM

he never helps with the kids ever ..but we know if she was to leave he would make it to where he wants to see them every weekend but only so he could get to her! i hate him!  the thing about her going to see a lawyer is that in the town he has her living in is deserted it has one little store and one school...and he doesnt ever leave her with a car to get anywhere

Quoting mcwife86:

if i were her id talk to a divorce lawyer abt leaving, what he does to make her feel 'trapped', and what legally she could do to avoid the issues bothering her.  i saw this same thing go down when i was a kid between my mother and step father. he would tell her that he was going to kill himself, leave messages on her parents voicemail for her saying that if she didnt come home he was going to burn all of her stuff, he would tell me that i don't love him if i helped my mother pack. she stayed with him...went back every single time and its been 22 years now. she is a horribly miserable person and i know that if she would just leave she would be happier. She stayed because she didnt think she could file charges against him enough to keep him away from his son. fact is your niece is on her fourth child with this man that she knows is about as stable as an extremely active fault line. If she leaves him and isnt able to keep him from the kids he will be ALONE with them. free to tell them everything he wants, treat them how he wants, and play all sorts of fun little games with their heads without her there to protect them. if she cant get him arrested, if she cant figure out some way to legally prove he is an unfit father then she needs to sacrifice herself for another 18 years to protect the children she keeps making with this craptastic excuse for a man. hopefully she will be able to get some good legal advice, bide her time collecting enough evidence, and then have him tossed out of all of their lives for good.


mcwife86
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:58 PM

does she have a phone? she can call one that gives free advice or you could do to one and explain what is happening.

Quoting macilah:

he never helps with the kids ever ..but we know if she was to leave he would make it to where he wants to see them every weekend but only so he could get to her! i hate him!  the thing about her going to see a lawyer is that in the town he has her living in is deserted it has one little store and one school...and he doesnt ever leave her with a car to get anywhere

Quoting mcwife86:

if i were her id talk to a divorce lawyer abt leaving, what he does to make her feel 'trapped', and what legally she could do to avoid the issues bothering her.  i saw this same thing go down when i was a kid between my mother and step father. he would tell her that he was going to kill himself, leave messages on her parents voicemail for her saying that if she didnt come home he was going to burn all of her stuff, he would tell me that i don't love him if i helped my mother pack. she stayed with him...went back every single time and its been 22 years now. she is a horribly miserable person and i know that if she would just leave she would be happier. She stayed because she didnt think she could file charges against him enough to keep him away from his son. fact is your niece is on her fourth child with this man that she knows is about as stable as an extremely active fault line. If she leaves him and isnt able to keep him from the kids he will be ALONE with them. free to tell them everything he wants, treat them how he wants, and play all sorts of fun little games with their heads without her there to protect them. if she cant get him arrested, if she cant figure out some way to legally prove he is an unfit father then she needs to sacrifice herself for another 18 years to protect the children she keeps making with this craptastic excuse for a man. hopefully she will be able to get some good legal advice, bide her time collecting enough evidence, and then have him tossed out of all of their lives for good.



Lindalou907
by New Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this

The first thing I would've told her is to quit having babies with this jerk. Sheesh.

spotsmom
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:06 AM
1 mom liked this

When she brings it up again (and again and again) just tell her, over and over again "Leave. LEAVE before it gets worse and he starts hitting you" ('Cause from the sound of it, that is where it's headed. This kind of manipulative, controlling behavior usually culminates in that). Tell her to leave NO MATTER WHAT he threatens. So what if he posts a video online of them having sex? Yes, it will be mortifying, horrible, but that pain will pass a lot quicker than the pain she's going to go through staying with him. But also, make sure she does mean it when she says she doesn't love him. There's something just not quite right about the whole thing....she sounds like your classic abuse victim, going back over and over agian, but usually it's because they think they love their abuser, or they think they can't survive on their own. Unless her issue is the latter, I just can't understand why she would keep gonig back. Not to sound cold-hearted, but if I were her and my soon to e ex told me he had cancer....my response would be to say "Oh, sorry to hear that" and to carry on with the divorce proceedings. In HER situation mind you. But if I still loved my STBEX and he had never been an abusive jerk, then it might be different. So I'm just wondering what may really be going on here....and can't she AT LEAST attempt to stop getting pregnant? Unless he is controlling her in that respect, as well, I can't see why she keeps subjecting other innocent human beings to this train wreck. The home life can't be good for any of them.

Bigmetalchicken
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Tell her to go to the police and let them know he is blackmailing her.

Aishamusty
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:43 AM

Get out fast 

sherry132
by Sherry on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:45 AM

Nothing that you can really do except wait for her to get emotionally strong enough to escape him. 

JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this

HUGS!

AleaKat
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:11 AM
What a sociopath!
I hope she gets out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kansasmom1978
by Katie on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:52 AM

When you figure that out please let me know. My sister was 18 and my mom forced her to marry her boyfriend when she got pregnant. Neither one wants to be married, and they cannot afford divorce. Poor kids.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)