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what can you say to someone who is in a forced relationship?!

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i don't know what to say to my niece anymore she lives about two hours away in a small small town with her husband whom she was guilted into marrying by his parents...she calls or texts constantly about how she doesnt love him and how she doesnt know why it's so hard for her to leave and leave for good they have three kids together and she is pregnant again, she said she feels like he uses her.. he has cheated on her before, she has left him a number of times and he always blackmailed her into going back, this last time she went back to him was cause he told her he had cancer and was going to die and she stupidly believed him..and yes it was a lie he admitted to her when she got back and when she said she was leaving he told her if she left he would post a video of them having sex on the internet..i dont know what to say to her when she asks for advice i feel like theres nothing more to say but at the same time i dont want her to feel there is no way out :(   i hate him so much! for doing this to her and for making her feel trapped!

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:21 PM
Replies (31-40):
macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:18 PM

even an adult can be guilted into doing things they dont agree with! the thing is she has no family near her to talk her out of it and all sge is hearing is his mom telling her she's going to go to hell for not being married and having kids! 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Guilted into. Is this not an adult? No one has ever forced me to do something I didn't want to do.


macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:20 PM

she has caught him talking to girls on his phone and online whom she does not know so she knows he has either cheated again or is willing to do it again..

Quoting vinalex0581:

oh.

well has he cheated on her since?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?





Arwyn724
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:20 PM

That all sounds more like reasons to NOT marry him.  Is she really young?  Where are her parents?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?




jessimicuh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
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Posted on CafeMom Mobile
macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:22 PM

yeah thats pretty much sounds like my niece...i feel she does it for attention also but i want her to leave him for good! it's not a healthy relationship not for her or the kids

Quoting shyone_91786:

You can't do anything she will leave when she is ready to leave. I have a friend who is in the same situation, she has left came back has 5 kids with him, but I think she dose it for the attetion she has family that she can go to she is strong but when she gets tired she will leave.


Arwyn724
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:24 PM

I disagree completely.  There is no one who could force me to do anything I don't want to by using guilt.  What could she possibly feel that guilty over. Marriage is a partnership, a wife does not owe her husband anything, including sex, children or whatever he asks for.

Quoting macilah:

even an adult can be guilted into doing things they dont agree with! the thing is she has no family near her to talk her out of it and all sge is hearing is his mom telling her she's going to go to hell for not being married and having kids! 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Guilted into. Is this not an adult? No one has ever forced me to do something I didn't want to do.



macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:24 PM

she is 22 and yes i understand that it sounds like reasons not to marry him but when you dont have your actual family living near you i guess you can be talked into believing that its ok to be cheated on...her parents have tried to help her get away from him but he always seems to blackmail back 

Quoting Arwyn724:

That all sounds more like reasons to NOT marry him.  Is she really young?  Where are her parents?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?





macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:27 PM

thats you and unfortunatly not everyone can be just like you.....many adults are talked into doing things they dont want to....

Quoting Arwyn724:

I disagree completely.  There is no one who could force me to do anything I don't want to by using guilt.  What could she possibly feel that guilty over. Marriage is a partnership, a wife does not owe her husband anything, including sex, children or whatever he asks for.

Quoting macilah:

even an adult can be guilted into doing things they dont agree with! the thing is she has no family near her to talk her out of it and all sge is hearing is his mom telling her she's going to go to hell for not being married and having kids! 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Guilted into. Is this not an adult? No one has ever forced me to do something I didn't want to do.




macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:29 PM

he is a sociopath! i wish they never met

Quoting AleaKat:

What a sociopath!
I hope she gets out.


babyspots17
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this
You can't help her until she stops playing the victim. She needs to decide to leave and stick to it.
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