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what can you say to someone who is in a forced relationship?!

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i don't know what to say to my niece anymore she lives about two hours away in a small small town with her husband whom she was guilted into marrying by his parents...she calls or texts constantly about how she doesnt love him and how she doesnt know why it's so hard for her to leave and leave for good they have three kids together and she is pregnant again, she said she feels like he uses her.. he has cheated on her before, she has left him a number of times and he always blackmailed her into going back, this last time she went back to him was cause he told her he had cancer and was going to die and she stupidly believed him..and yes it was a lie he admitted to her when she got back and when she said she was leaving he told her if she left he would post a video of them having sex on the internet..i dont know what to say to her when she asks for advice i feel like theres nothing more to say but at the same time i dont want her to feel there is no way out :(   i hate him so much! for doing this to her and for making her feel trapped!

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:21 PM
Replies (41-50):
Arwyn724
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:38 PM

Actual blackmail is a crime, and she should file charges.  If he is just playing on her emotions with threats, she needs to act like the adult parent she is and start making decisions for her kids benefit, not what he tells her is right for her.  The question I always ask myself is "is this treatment something I would want my kids to go through?"  If you wouldn't want your daughter or son treated like that by a spouse, why would anyone put up with that for themselves?

Quoting macilah:

she is 22 and yes i understand that it sounds like reasons not to marry him but when you dont have your actual family living near you i guess you can be talked into believing that its ok to be cheated on...her parents have tried to help her get away from him but he always seems to blackmail back 

Quoting Arwyn724:

That all sounds more like reasons to NOT marry him.  Is she really young?  Where are her parents?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?






KawaiiNerrie
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:40 PM

Leave.

macilah
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:41 PM

that's exactly how i feel..i don't understand how she can live like that and how she can deal and live a life she is not happy with...she loves her kids thats the only thing that keeps her going

Quoting Arwyn724:

Actual blackmail is a crime, and she should file charges.  If he is just playing on her emotions with threats, she needs to act like the adult parent she is and start making decisions for her kids benefit, not what he tells her is right for her.  The question I always ask myself is "is this treatment something I would want my kids to go through?"  If you wouldn't want your daughter or son treated like that by a spouse, why would anyone put up with that for themselves?

Quoting macilah:

she is 22 and yes i understand that it sounds like reasons not to marry him but when you dont have your actual family living near you i guess you can be talked into believing that its ok to be cheated on...her parents have tried to help her get away from him but he always seems to blackmail back 

Quoting Arwyn724:

That all sounds more like reasons to NOT marry him.  Is she really young?  Where are her parents?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?







Arwyn724
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I hope she gets the strength to do the right thing, for her sake & her kids!

Quoting macilah:

that's exactly how i feel..i don't understand how she can live like that and how she can deal and live a life she is not happy with...she loves her kids thats the only thing that keeps her going

Quoting Arwyn724:

Actual blackmail is a crime, and she should file charges.  If he is just playing on her emotions with threats, she needs to act like the adult parent she is and start making decisions for her kids benefit, not what he tells her is right for her.  The question I always ask myself is "is this treatment something I would want my kids to go through?"  If you wouldn't want your daughter or son treated like that by a spouse, why would anyone put up with that for themselves?

Quoting macilah:

she is 22 and yes i understand that it sounds like reasons not to marry him but when you dont have your actual family living near you i guess you can be talked into believing that its ok to be cheated on...her parents have tried to help her get away from him but he always seems to blackmail back 

Quoting Arwyn724:

That all sounds more like reasons to NOT marry him.  Is she really young?  Where are her parents?

Quoting macilah:

ok his parents know he cheated on her and they told her " you need to understand he is a man he is going to make mistakes and you need to let him and accept him, and you have kids with him you need to marry him for the kids"  this is exactly what she told me they had told her this everyday until she finally gave in even though she doesnt love him

Quoting vinalex0581:

how did his parents guilt her into marrying him?








shyone_91786
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 3:26 PM

I know it is hard but like my mom says you can't force someone to leave no matter how bad you want them too, my sister dated this jerk for about a year and my mom told me to stay out of it, the harder you try to get her to leave the more she will stay. And the same with my friend her husband already broke her oldest child arm and leg and God knows what else. The child is not even his. It's sad when a mom is able to get out but she just wants to be shelfish and not think of her kids.

Quoting macilah:

yeah thats pretty much sounds like my niece...i feel she does it for attention also but i want her to leave him for good! it's not a healthy relationship not for her or the kids

Quoting shyone_91786:

You can't do anything she will leave when she is ready to leave. I have a friend who is in the same situation, she has left came back has 5 kids with him, but I think she dose it for the attetion she has family that she can go to she is strong but when she gets tired she will leave.



mommylove0721
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:00 PM
2 moms liked this
I know those kind of men. They are sleazy and want nothing to do with you until you try and leave. Her husband does not love her. He uses her and what scares him most about her leaving is his losing control over her. I've been in a very similar situation and almost lost my life and my children's. My advice is to let her know how much you love and care about her. Get her to a lawyer and visit victim services. They can put her and the children in a safe house.
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teaspring
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:08 PM
1 mom liked this

That's called blackmail... She could leave, sue him for the divorce and custody, etc, and he would be made to pay her attorney costs.  Not to mention charges for the blackmail.  

Quoting macilah:

**snip**when she said she was leaving he told her if she left he would post a video of them having sex on the internet..


Raveyk
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:55 PM
2 moms liked this

This is abuse, it may not be physical but he is mentaly abusing her to control her. SHe needs to get out. Im sorry hun :(

da1uwishuhad
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:35 AM

i feell you on this side my brother is going thru some what some thing alike hes with a girl who virbuly abuse him in front of people hits him n now she had a baby n claims its his but when we asked her for and she didnt wanna do my brother trys to leave her but she always finds away to get him bak by usin her son  she also  put him against his family n friends my brother doesnt eat hes skinny all he does is give her his pay check its like she has a voudo on him or something no matter what she do to him he runs bak to her it has his whole family stresss

da1uwishuhad
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:37 AM

im sorry i meant we asked her for a dna n shit denied to do it 

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