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what can you say to someone who is in a forced relationship?!

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i don't know what to say to my niece anymore she lives about two hours away in a small small town with her husband whom she was guilted into marrying by his parents...she calls or texts constantly about how she doesnt love him and how she doesnt know why it's so hard for her to leave and leave for good they have three kids together and she is pregnant again, she said she feels like he uses her.. he has cheated on her before, she has left him a number of times and he always blackmailed her into going back, this last time she went back to him was cause he told her he had cancer and was going to die and she stupidly believed him..and yes it was a lie he admitted to her when she got back and when she said she was leaving he told her if she left he would post a video of them having sex on the internet..i dont know what to say to her when she asks for advice i feel like theres nothing more to say but at the same time i dont want her to feel there is no way out :(   i hate him so much! for doing this to her and for making her feel trapped!

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:21 PM
Replies (51-58):
lyanne66
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 2:21 AM
1 mom liked this

A lot of these ladies have good suggestions, but I question why the heck is she pregnant again?  Do people not know about birth control?  If I hated my DH that much and wanted to leave him I wouldn't even be having sex with him?  Another kid is just another way for him to control her into staying.

macilah
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:42 AM

i actually answered that question in one of the comment about the birthcontol...as for having sex with him..idk why she does either

Quoting lyanne66:

A lot of these ladies have good suggestions, but I question why the heck is she pregnant again?  Do people not know about birth control?  If I hated my DH that much and wanted to leave him I wouldn't even be having sex with him?  Another kid is just another way for him to control her into staying.


macilah
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:46 AM

it is really stressful on the family we all love her so much and the kids and don't want her to live this way, we cant help though when he has her living 2 hours away.. the only way we can talk to her is if he decides to pay for her phone to be connected which he only does maybe 5 months out of the year...it's hard when you try  and try to keep them away from that person and some how they get pulled right back i dont get it 

Quoting da1uwishuhad:

i feell you on this side my brother is going thru some what some thing alike hes with a girl who virbuly abuse him in front of people hits him n now she had a baby n claims its his but when we asked her for and she didnt wanna do my brother trys to leave her but she always finds away to get him bak by usin her son  she also  put him against his family n friends my brother doesnt eat hes skinny all he does is give her his pay check its like she has a voudo on him or something no matter what she do to him he runs bak to her it has his whole family stresss


macilah
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:52 AM

thanks...i know some people would say well its not your life shes grown and can make her own decisions stay out of it...but i cant not when she calls me crying she is my family i love her and i try to give her guidance and advice it's just so hard when he is on the other end feeding her lies and bullshit...i wish i could just help her understand thats she has to leave..she says she knows its not healthy and she knows she doesnt love him but says she is scared to try to make it on her own cause he tells her she cant do it 

Quoting Raveyk:

This is abuse, it may not be physical but he is mentaly abusing her to control her. SHe needs to get out. Im sorry hun :(


myfunniebones
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:57 AM

She needs to get out of the kind of relationship that is abuse by all means. See if she can get help from domenstic volience shelter and have her kids with her. Time to start a fresh start and move on. And get out of the area.

DomesticDoll
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:00 AM
I lived through something very similar to this... I can tell you what I did.. I got smart and I grabbed my two beautiful little baby girls and I left. Didn't tell him I was "leaving" just hot the girls and little bit of their things and drove 8hrs away to love with family and left him. He followed me as the years went on made my life hell i filed for divorce and that was hell and it was shitty even after the divorce was final but he eventually left me alone for good. I was 18 when I was talked into marriage by his family , he was abusive crazy and everything in between. His family was just as nuts and knew he was beating me and yet said I had to stay with him. I became very strong when I finally left at 21. I'm 34 now. Happily married and have 3 kids I had a son with my husband now- when I think back of the hell I went through with my ex husband it seems unreal- like a bad movie. She needs a friend to listen to - a shoulder to cry on and a place to leave to.. And a PLAN...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
macilah
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:09 AM

we have tried making a plan and having a place for her to go but he always finds a way to connect with her through phone or he will make the two hour drive DAILY to come "see the kids" but all he does when he gets here is try and convince her to leave with him...which works!..he has threatened to kill himself if she doesn't leave with him ugh he is so annoying literally just typing this pisses me off! ...if we get her to leave again or when she decides she is ready to leave first thing we are doing is filing a complaint at the p.d against him..and getting a restraining order

Quoting DomesticDoll:

I lived through something very similar to this... I can tell you what I did.. I got smart and I grabbed my two beautiful little baby girls and I left. Didn't tell him I was "leaving" just hot the girls and little bit of their things and drove 8hrs away to love with family and left him. He followed me as the years went on made my life hell i filed for divorce and that was hell and it was shitty even after the divorce was final but he eventually left me alone for good. I was 18 when I was talked into marriage by his family , he was abusive crazy and everything in between. His family was just as nuts and knew he was beating me and yet said I had to stay with him. I became very strong when I finally left at 21. I'm 34 now. Happily married and have 3 kids I had a son with my husband now- when I think back of the hell I went through with my ex husband it seems unreal- like a bad movie. She needs a friend to listen to - a shoulder to cry on and a place to leave to.. And a PLAN...


DomesticDoll
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:19 AM
Trust me I totally understand!!! My ex would drive the 8 hrs and park in front of my dads house where I moved to... And yes I left ONCE to go back to him and I learned my lesson. But when I left for the final time (the story I told) I filed a restraining order , my divorce , which he had 30 days to fill out his response to the divorce and he didn't so my divorce happened quicker due to me filing a default on him which a paralegal was nice enough to tell me about and helped me file it ... There are ways to get out of a situation like that. Emergency restraining order- that's possible. Just has to be granted by the judge if he/she sees fit. If she leaves she needs to enroll the kids right away in a new school, a judge won't want the kids taken out of a school especially when the mom is trying to put them in a better environment - basically she needs to take action as soon as she leaves so her cards are in place and she can start to clear her mind and not feel weak and go back, she needs to be strong that's the key!!!! And if she has family to help support her she'll need it!! ( sorry if typos I'm on mobile)

Quoting macilah:

we have tried making a plan and having a place for her to go but he always finds a way to connect with her through phone or he will make the two hour drive DAILY to come "see the kids" but all he does when he gets here is try and convince her to leave with him...which works!..he has threatened to kill himself if she doesn't leave with him ugh he is so annoying literally just typing this pisses me off! ...if we get her to leave again or when she decides she is ready to leave first thing we are doing is filing a complaint at the p.d against him..and getting a restraining order

Quoting DomesticDoll:

I lived through something very similar to this... I can tell you what I did.. I got smart and I grabbed my two beautiful little baby girls and I left. Didn't tell him I was "leaving" just hot the girls and little bit of their things and drove 8hrs away to love with family and left him. He followed me as the years went on made my life hell i filed for divorce and that was hell and it was shitty even after the divorce was final but he eventually left me alone for good. I was 18 when I was talked into marriage by his family , he was abusive crazy and everything in between. His family was just as nuts and knew he was beating me and yet said I had to stay with him. I became very strong when I finally left at 21. I'm 34 now. Happily married and have 3 kids I had a son with my husband now- when I think back of the hell I went through with my ex husband it seems unreal- like a bad movie. She needs a friend to listen to - a shoulder to cry on and a place to leave to.. And a PLAN...


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