I'm new here, but need some advice. I don't feel loved by my husband. I feel like we're drifting apart. Here are things he has been doing...
He never wants to help with the housework. He thinks because I don't have a job that I am responsible for all the housework. I do think I should be responsible for most, but not all. All I usually ask is for him to take the trash out and down to the road( I end of having to do it 90% of the time) and sometimes carry the clean clothes upstairs because I overfill them and they get heavy lol but I usually just do it myself. Oh and I ask him to put his clothes in a basket and not on the floor. I end of having to pick them up. I cook, clean, take care of the kids about 90-95% of the time by myself.
He hardly has anything to do with the kids. The last time he gave them a bath was about a month ago and even then my mom did half of the work. On the weekends he is a little more active, but only in spurts. If it is something he wants to do, he is all for it and has all the energy in the world. So I feed, cloth, clean, play with the kids 90-95% of the time. I'm not complaining about doing all that just that he doesn't help.
He told me the other day that I was gaining weight. I am a little, but not everywhere just in my stomach, but I still only weigh 121 pounds. He said he has been trying to find a nice way to tell me.
A little over a year ago we were having problems. He told me he didn't want to be married anymore and that he didn't think he loved me anymore. The next day he said he was just mad.
He lies a lot even about stupid stuff. That has been a big issue.
He wants custody of his daughter, but doesn't help with her either.
I admit I am to blame too. I have a low sex drive and things in that dept have been slow, but it's not like I haven't tried getting help. The midwife blamed it on him for lack of seduction. Sex is also hard for me physically(it hurts most of the time) and emotionally(he basically raped me once, I let him try anal and he started out slow then basically shoved it in and I told him to stop over and over and that it hurt, he kept going for about 2 mins...when he was done I ran into the bathroom crying and he said it just felt so good and I'm sorry)
Oh and money is another issue. Since we are one income, watching out money is important. He doesn't listen to me. I tell him to watch what he spends, but he doesn't. He spends $20-30 a day at gas stations. And then complains he needs gas when there is no money left.
Lastly, he doesn't communicate with me. I try and talk to him about things and he either half ass answers or doesn't listen then later asks about it.
I don't have a job yet. I am about to interview for one and possibly another soon. I hope I get one. Sorry so long. What should I do? What would I say or ask?
He never wants to help with the housework. He thinks because I don't have a job that I am responsible for all the housework. I do think I should be responsible for most, but not all. All I usually ask is for him to take the trash out and down to the road( I end of having to do it 90% of the time) and sometimes carry the clean clothes upstairs because I overfill them and they get heavy lol but I usually just do it myself. Oh and I ask him to put his clothes in a basket and not on the floor. I end of having to pick them up. I cook, clean, take care of the kids about 90-95% of the time by myself.
He hardly has anything to do with the kids. The last time he gave them a bath was about a month ago and even then my mom did half of the work. On the weekends he is a little more active, but only in spurts. If it is something he wants to do, he is all for it and has all the energy in the world. So I feed, cloth, clean, play with the kids 90-95% of the time. I'm not complaining about doing all that just that he doesn't help.
He told me the other day that I was gaining weight. I am a little, but not everywhere just in my stomach, but I still only weigh 121 pounds. He said he has been trying to find a nice way to tell me.
A little over a year ago we were having problems. He told me he didn't want to be married anymore and that he didn't think he loved me anymore. The next day he said he was just mad.
He lies a lot even about stupid stuff. That has been a big issue.
He wants custody of his daughter, but doesn't help with her either.
I admit I am to blame too. I have a low sex drive and things in that dept have been slow, but it's not like I haven't tried getting help. The midwife blamed it on him for lack of seduction. Sex is also hard for me physically(it hurts most of the time) and emotionally(he basically raped me once, I let him try anal and he started out slow then basically shoved it in and I told him to stop over and over and that it hurt, he kept going for about 2 mins...when he was done I ran into the bathroom crying and he said it just felt so good and I'm sorry)
Oh and money is another issue. Since we are one income, watching out money is important. He doesn't listen to me. I tell him to watch what he spends, but he doesn't. He spends $20-30 a day at gas stations. And then complains he needs gas when there is no money left.
Lastly, he doesn't communicate with me. I try and talk to him about things and he either half ass answers or doesn't listen then later asks about it.
I don't have a job yet. I am about to interview for one and possibly another soon. I hope I get one. Sorry so long. What should I do? What would I say or ask?
Posted by
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:41 AM
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by
Bronze Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:45 AM
I suggest counseling. It sounds like you two both have needs that aren't being fulfilled. You need to be aware of his needs as well as yours. Good luck.
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by
New Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:47 AM
I think sex is important, but not more than communication or trust. There is a lack of intimacy. It is hard to just be interested when he does all of that.
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You stay married to a man who raped you? I think you need more help then this site can give. Hugs and good luck :-(
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by
Bronze Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I would suggest counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. (((HUGS)))
by
New Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:01 AM
I'm still at the rape part. Rape is rape; whether you're married or not. Do you have any type of support system? Mother, father sister good friend that you can confide in? He told you about a year ago that he doesn't want to be married but he was just mad? Hmmm...you need help for you and your kids. Marriage is a partnership between 2 people who treat each other equally; you have a job too. Taking care of the home and children is your job it sounds like and if you weren't there to do it you would have to pay someone so it is of value. The only difference is he goes away from the house for his job. The two of you should try counseling, suggest it to him and if he won't go, then you go, alone to at least validate the way you have been feeling.
by
Platinum Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Quoting msparks80:
You stay married to a man who raped you? I think you need more help then this site can give. Hugs and good luck :-(
by
Silver Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 10:22 AM
Quoting christina0607:Sounds like it's time for professional help.
by
New Member
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:17 PM
I have an appt with someone next week.
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Are these really inappropriate pictures? *pics*
Does sex in the 1st 30 days kill a relationship?
- FeelingAlone13
on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:41 AM