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How do I get them to stop fighting??

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:16 PM
  • 15 Replies
My DS is 8 1/2 and my DD just turned 3 on new years eve and they fight ALL the time. From the minute they get up to the minute they go to bed. My son id bossy and since me and his dad split up he feels like he needs to be the man of the house even though I told him no he needed to stay a kid. My DD is a bully and I am constantly putting her in time out or spanking her for being mean to her brother she also wants everything done her way. My mom said I needed to keep them away from each other. That my DD should never be allowed in to my DS's room (she has some of her toys in there and she likes to go in there to watch him play games or play with him) but to me they are siblings I want them to get along and to be bestfriends I shouldn't have to keep they away from each other. In order to do that I would have to isolate one of them more than likly my son. We live in a small two bedroom apartment. My DS has his own room and DD and I share a room (she has her own bed she sleeps in). I have tried to talk to them but it doesn't seem to help. I know they are both trying to deal with the fact that their dad is not around. I've tried to explain that to them but they don't understand. How can I get them to stop the fighting before I lose my mind?? Any advice would be great thanks.
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by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jessy613
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:17 PM

My kids are real young so haven't dealt with this yet. Bump

jenking04
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:19 PM
Lol lucky you. I wish I didn't have to deal with it all the time. I know their age difference has a lot to do with it.


Quoting Jessy613:

My kids are real young so haven't dealt with this yet. Bump


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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:28 PM

Get everyone into family counseling or a family teamwork program.  yes they could be angry for a long time over the break up of parents but that is no excuse to take it out on anyone else.

CreziaMommyTo2
by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:34 PM
1 mom liked this

your kids are of different sexes, they are also 5 years apart.  you also are going through a separation....

1. take your DDs stuff out of his room.  he is an 8.5 year old boy, who NEEDS privacy.

2. you need to dicipline BOTH your children, not just your 3 year old.

3. GO TO THERAPY - ALL OF YOU

Kathy489
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:38 PM

My nephews were about 6 years apart, and they fought all the time. My opinion was that the older one was exerting his authority and power that he didn't otherwise have. My brother and his wife didn't spend much time playing with them and being good examples of how to get along or to solve problems. If kids are left to themselves, they will usually fight. Reminds me of "Lord of the Flies" when that happens in families. It also happened in our family when we were kids.

Try sitting on the floor and playing board games like Candy Land or something like that. When they are engaged in something structured with the family, they seem to pull together in fun and get along better somehow. I saw that on one of those Nanny shows where the English lady comes in to restore order.

Also try assigning simple chores and rewards maybe. That might make the older one feel like he has responsibilities and make him feel more important. Make a big deal out of what a big help he is to you and how proud you are of him. Maybe he won't have the need to be the boss any longer once he realizes how important he is in other ways. Good luck.  :-)

jenking04
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 7:38 PM
I've taken most of her stuff out of his room and put it in my closet. But because we do live in a small 2 bedroom I don't have a lot of space in my room to keep all of her stuff. Her clothes are in my room and the toys I know she playes with are in my room. She will go in to his room mostly to watch him play his games or play with the toys he has.


Quoting CreziaMommyTo2:

your kids are of different sexes, they are also 5 years apart.  you also are going through a separation....

1. take your DDs stuff out of his room.  he is an 8.5 year old boy, who NEEDS privacy.

2. you need to dicipline BOTH your children, not just your 3 year old.

3. GO TO THERAPY - ALL OF YOU


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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:47 AM
This is good advice.

Quoting CreziaMommyTo2:

your kids are of different sexes, they are also 5 years apart.  you also are going through a separation....

1. take your DDs stuff out of his room.  he is an 8.5 year old boy, who NEEDS privacy.

2. you need to dicipline BOTH your children, not just your 3 year old.

3. GO TO THERAPY - ALL OF YOU

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jltplk25
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:01 AM

 Mine are 4 years apart and get along for the most part. I would suggest counseling due to the fact that their world has changed and they don't know how to handle it.

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Msgme
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:24 AM

well first I'm going to suggest counseling like the other posters to help them deal with all the changes in their lives.  2nd thing is something that has worked for my kids for the most part.  My son is now 16 and my dd is 10. they don't fight as much as they did when they were younger.  what I used to do and will threaten still (but they change up real quick w hen I do) is to assign a task when they are fighting.  A task that must be completed together.  I would attach their hands together  (one hand per kid) kinda like you would in a 3 legged race. and they would have to complete a task together and learn to work together. They couldn't do anything else until the task was completed.  The task would be something like making a bed, or picking up toys etc... There own space is often necessary as well.  For instance I would give them 2 hours a day where they could not bother the other. No going in their room and no playing with their toys.

ninipanini
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:07 PM

 mine don't fight all the time, but when they get to that bickering phase, i tell them, when i hear it they both have to go to their room for the rest of the day

i had to do it one time and now they either take it out of earshot from me or they don't bicker

ds is 10, dd 7, they started in on each other about a year ago

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