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Baptism, divorced grandparents, and s/o's......oh my!

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:18 AM
  • 4 Replies
S/O and I are getting our daughter baptized on Sunday. And I haven't even told my mom yet. :-/ I ave a feeling she will try to guilt trip me into saying it's ok for her s/o to come, and I honestly don't want him there. At all. Now, he's a great guy. Makes my mom extremely happy. However, my dad and his feelings are above him. My mom left my dad in May 2009.....after 28 years of marriage. It was an UGLY divorce. Mom has obviously moved on. My dad however, is of the old Catholic mindset. Once you are married within the church, you are married.....regardless of a legal divorce. You are only not committing adultery if you petition the church for an annulment, and it's granted.

So,obviously I think it would be a huge slap in the face to my dad to have this other guy show up in our church for Maggie's baptism. And,honestly, my mom had told me back in November that she wouldn't come to it anyhow, because she didn't want to deal with my dad. Bt then a couple weeks ago it was that she would come and it wad up to myself and S/O about Steve.

But, I know my mom. It will all end up being turned around and about her. Ugh.
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:18 AM
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:45 AM

I am sorry you are going through this. 

I do think that you child should come first in your father's eyes though and it doesn't seem to be that way sadly. My parents marriage ended badly too. My mother hates my step-mother with a passion and I understand that. But still both women came to things like blessings for the grandbabies without conflict. That is what adults must do. I have had to do it too. Everyone must at some point. You do what is best for your child and your family. It is wrong for them to put you in this place.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:52 AM
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Be matter of fact about it.  The deal is, she can come, but because of your father, her boyfriend can't.  This day is about your child, not anyone else, and you want it as peaceful as it can be.  If she whines about it, tell her that it's okay, if she doesn't like the arrangement, she can choose not to come.  It's as simple as that.  Stick to your guns.

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:56 AM

As a mom she should put your feelings first...If you are not comfortable with her SO being there then both he and she should accept that. Maybe have them seperately at another time for a get together to celebrate the birth of your dd. Your mom might accept the situation better if you put the focus on your feelings and not your dads, after all you are her "baby"

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 3:08 PM

Well, I spoke to my mom.  Things went better than I thought they would.  I did explain to her my reasoning(my little bro's graduation better was horrible because Steve was there).  I also told her that *I* wanted to be the one to talk to Steve and tell him.  He's a good guy.  And I know that he will be a part of that side of my family.  I just feel as though I should own up to not having him come to the graduation instead of making my mom do it.


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