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if you could save a life... a moral dilema

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So an old friend made a post on facebook about needing a kidney.  Desperatly needing a kidney in fact, and as it turns out, I am a match for the blood type she is seeking a donor from. I haven't actually seen her with my own eyes in at least 10 years, but shes a wonderful gal, good mom, and because of facebook, weve been able to keep in touch.   Problem is, I have no idea how in the world I would make room in my life for a kidney harvesting, and I have kids of my own, a wedding to plan,  and my own life to navigate with out screwing it up too badly lol.. 
DF is completely against the idea. He has no idea who she is.  He says, What if my remaining kidney goes bad and I wind up in her shoes? And hes right.   So I am keeping quiet about my blood type to her.  I would if I could... but I can't.  And DF and I decided that I wont

But how do I forgive myself she dies, leaves her children motherless, leaves her family broken, and I could have been the one to save her!  I feel like if she dies, and I could have prevented it by not worrying about my own life for a few months, well that would be a tough pill to swallow.

I was just wondering, what you ladies would do if you were in my shoes?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:25 PM

I would give mine if it was medically possible for me to do so... I would feel terrible if my someone that I considered a friend and felt close enough to be in contact with for more than 10 years ended up passing away due to me not at least getting tissue typed. For all you know you may have the same blood type, but that does not guarantee tissue type matching...

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:57 PM

It is just matching blood type? Isn't there a deeper compatability test before you can donate?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:02 PM

I have a good friend who needs a kidney. I am a universal donor. That being said, giving a kidney is MUCH more difficult than taking a kidney. The surgery to harvest a kidney is very difficult and could cause numerous side effects such as death. 

It's hard to see him being in dialysis every week and knowing how hard it is for him. But I have to ultimately put myself and my family first.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:15 PM

You shouldn't feel bad. All of the things you mentioned are reason enough. You have your own family and they come first. Also, just because you are the right blood type doesn't mean you could be a donor. There could be other health issues that you aren't even aware of that would prevent you from donating. BTW, this is coming from someone who has a kidney disease that is not treatable. I don't have issues with it now, but it caused problems with pregnancy which is how I found out.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:27 PM

without knowing how bad she really is... I'd give the kidney.  Life is so short, we only have one trip through it.  I am registered through for that reason.  I have faith that if I give a kidney, someone else will have a shot at a long, healthy life.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:30 PM

This is rhetorical for me because I have medical issues that wouldn't let me donate so it's easy to say I'd at least let her know I was a match for blood type. You aren't locked into giving a kidney even if you are a match after all the testing, it's a hard call. But that being said I think it is YOUR call no one elses. JMHO.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:53 PM

I would do it. Weddings can be pushed to a later date, & I'm sure there are people who can help you with your chilfren while you are down. As for your kidney...Just because you give a kidney doesn't mean your remaining kidney will go bad at a later date.

That being said, it's easy for me to say this, since I am not in your shoes. I'm sure that if something like this were to come up, I would be in the same boat you are.

by ♥Jessica♥ on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:55 PM
I only have 1 kidney.. I was born that way
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:09 PM
As long as I was completely healthy and stuck to a good diet afterwards to keep my remaining kidney healthy then I would give a kidney. I mean if my best friend came to me tomorrow and said he needed a kidney and we were a good match I'd be like call the doctors.
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:27 PM

I agree. I have also already signed up for the be the match organization for donating marrow. I also have two small children, if it ended badly they would know that it was because I was trying to save someone elses life.

Quoting Mama2JoshKatie:

That is a huge sacrifice but if someone were dying and I was the only one who could save them I would.

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