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if you could save a life... a moral dilema

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So an old friend made a post on facebook about needing a kidney.  Desperatly needing a kidney in fact, and as it turns out, I am a match for the blood type she is seeking a donor from. I haven't actually seen her with my own eyes in at least 10 years, but shes a wonderful gal, good mom, and because of facebook, weve been able to keep in touch.   Problem is, I have no idea how in the world I would make room in my life for a kidney harvesting, and I have kids of my own, a wedding to plan,  and my own life to navigate with out screwing it up too badly lol.. 
DF is completely against the idea. He has no idea who she is.  He says, What if my remaining kidney goes bad and I wind up in her shoes? And hes right.   So I am keeping quiet about my blood type to her.  I would if I could... but I can't.  And DF and I decided that I wont

But how do I forgive myself she dies, leaves her children motherless, leaves her family broken, and I could have been the one to save her!  I feel like if she dies, and I could have prevented it by not worrying about my own life for a few months, well that would be a tough pill to swallow.

I was just wondering, what you ladies would do if you were in my shoes?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Replies (41-50):
sparklebug86
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:34 PM

yuck that is a dilemma.... hubby would be against it as well and im not sure I would. I too have 3 kids and 1 day they could need one plus im young myself so what if I needed another one 1 day? 

Yellowlily333
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:37 PM

Honestly, I completely understand! I would love to raise my hand and help if I were in your place. But because I too am a mother I would hesitate. Then feel guilty for hesitating.

It sounds like to me, you need to pray over the situation, and give it a good deal of though. (even though I know you already are). If it is really really tugging on your heart, it may be a really good choice to say yes.

In whatever you choose, good luck!!!!!!

Paperfishies
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:39 PM

I wouldn't donate only because what if one of my children needed a kidney in the future?  

It's  just so hatching you will have to live with if she dies.

my4kids274
by Drill Sergeant Mommy on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:49 PM

I honestly would not donate.  My kids and my dh come first.  May sound heartless but that is how I feel. 

notyurmama
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:57 PM

It drives me nuts the number of people who hold onto the what-ifs and what-about-me's in this world today. Sure you are the same blood type but without further testing and examination it is not definite that you would be a match. It's not definite that you wouldn't be either. 

I strongly believe that we are not going to better society and our world by talk but by action.  I do what I can when I can to help others.  THis is not to say I am a saint, nor am I looking for praise but honestly the "what's-in-it-for-me" attitude our society has encompassed these days is just sad.

I am a 2 times surrogate. I donate blood as often as I can (And I am in Canada so we don't get paid for it.) I am teaching my kids to think of others by helping with food drives, buying toys for tots, helping clean up the neighbourhood, taking welcome gifts of baked goods and veggies from our garden to newly moved in neighbours. 

In the future if your kidney does fail you having 2 kidney's will not necessarily mean you will be fine. You also do not know what the future holds either and you could possibly not need a kidney. The instances of people needing a kidney replacement are low and there are ways to maintain life while awaiting a transplant. Don't you want to show the ultimate gift of giving and caring as a model for your kids? Show them the kindness people can have toward one another? This is the best, and ONLY, way we will make the world a better place for our kids and grand kids to grow up in.  It is easy to say now, it is easy to say it's too scary, I personally try to never take the easy way out

Yes you have to do what is right for you and your family but are you sure you are doing what's right and not just what's easy?

katzmeow726
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:17 PM

I wouldn't, but that's because I had issues with my last pregnancy and my kidneys.  They probably wouldn't let me do it anyway.  But because of what happened, I won't be a live donor.

katzmeow726
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Donating a kidney is not a simple thing. I think it is pretty pissy for you to ask if she is taking the easy way out.  It IS a major surgery with a fairly long recovery.  There are the usual risks involved of course, like bleeding and infection.  And yes, the small, but still real, chance of death.
   You have to seriously limit anti inflammatory meds after donation, because they can damage your remaining organ more quickly, since you only have one now.  Recovery is around 4-6 weeks before you can return to your typical routine. 

   She has not seen this person in years.  And she has her family to think of first.  She is not a bad person for hesitating to donate. 

Good job on being a surrogate and blood donor...you want a cookie?  Oh, and FYI, you don't get paid to donate blood here either.  At least not where I live.  

Sorry, but IMO every good deed you have done is less meaningful, because you're using it to show how much better you are than the OP because she's not comfortable donating a kidney.  Sure, it's all fine and dandy you show your kids how to help others.  But who is to say that the OP doesn't do it in other ways?  From your tone, it sounds like you are accusing the OP of not being a good example, because she doesn't want to donate her kidney.  What kind of example does that set for your kids?  

You do good deeds to help people...not so you can shove them in other people's faces....by doing that, the meaning, the value, of what you have done is lessened.  


   

Quoting notyurmama:

It drives me nuts the number of people who hold onto the what-ifs and what-about-me's in this world today. Sure you are the same blood type but without further testing and examination it is not definite that you would be a match. It's not definite that you wouldn't be either. 

I strongly believe that we are not going to better society and our world by talk but by action.  I do what I can when I can to help others.  THis is not to say I am a saint, nor am I looking for praise but honestly the "what's-in-it-for-me" attitude our society has encompassed these days is just sad.

I am a 2 times surrogate. I donate blood as often as I can (And I am in Canada so we don't get paid for it.) I am teaching my kids to think of others by helping with food drives, buying toys for tots, helping clean up the neighbourhood, taking welcome gifts of baked goods and veggies from our garden to newly moved in neighbours. 

In the future if your kidney does fail you having 2 kidney's will not necessarily mean you will be fine. You also do not know what the future holds either and you could possibly not need a kidney. The instances of people needing a kidney replacement are low and there are ways to maintain life while awaiting a transplant. Don't you want to show the ultimate gift of giving and caring as a model for your kids? Show them the kindness people can have toward one another? This is the best, and ONLY, way we will make the world a better place for our kids and grand kids to grow up in.  It is easy to say now, it is easy to say it's too scary, I personally try to never take the easy way out

Yes you have to do what is right for you and your family but are you sure you are doing what's right and not just what's easy?


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bcauseimthemom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:40 PM

I would donate an organ to a stranger if it meant that it would save their life.

crwspringer
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:44 PM
I'm pretty sure that blood type is just one of a long list of things that need to match. Chances are that one of her relatives will be a better match.
I would only offer if it were a truely close friend.
There is no need for you to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders over this. It is caring and compassionate of you to put thought into it, but to be honest it is not anything I would do, especially if you are planning on having more children in the future.
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mstkn.identity
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:48 PM
It goes by more than just blood type. Just because you are the same blood type does not mean you are an automatic match.
Even with donating blood. There has to be more than just say A- and A- to donate to a person. I learned that this past April when my folks and son got in a wreck. Dad and I are both A- and dad needed blood bad. I asked why I couldn't just give blood for him. The doc said it took more than just us being the same.
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