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if you could save a life... a moral dilema

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So an old friend made a post on facebook about needing a kidney.  Desperatly needing a kidney in fact, and as it turns out, I am a match for the blood type she is seeking a donor from. I haven't actually seen her with my own eyes in at least 10 years, but shes a wonderful gal, good mom, and because of facebook, weve been able to keep in touch.   Problem is, I have no idea how in the world I would make room in my life for a kidney harvesting, and I have kids of my own, a wedding to plan,  and my own life to navigate with out screwing it up too badly lol.. 
DF is completely against the idea. He has no idea who she is.  He says, What if my remaining kidney goes bad and I wind up in her shoes? And hes right.   So I am keeping quiet about my blood type to her.  I would if I could... but I can't.  And DF and I decided that I wont

But how do I forgive myself she dies, leaves her children motherless, leaves her family broken, and I could have been the one to save her!  I feel like if she dies, and I could have prevented it by not worrying about my own life for a few months, well that would be a tough pill to swallow.

I was just wondering, what you ladies would do if you were in my shoes?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:15 PM
Replies (71-80):
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:49 PM

nope,, wouldn't do it in your situation.  I WOULD however do it for my immediate family and my BFF

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:51 PM

I would donate a kidney.  However, since eventually I will go threw kidney failure due to kidney disease it is not an option for me. I wanted to donate a kidney to my Mom, (same disease)  but we found out I have the same disease, so it was a no go. 

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM

She can survive on dialasys. 12 years is a long time for a kidney.  My Mom's, (she got it from the kidney list) only lasted 4 years. She has been on dialasys for 3 years now and doing fine. She even does it from home.

Quoting SarahCnDsMom:

Wow! Thanks for all the input! While I'm keeping my kidney in the family (for now) I have to say, hearing that some of you would do it regardless to save a life, it has re awakened a part of me that really wants to do it. Not just to save a life either. Not for bragging rights, but to know I did right. This is what DF and I argue over, he says its fine to want to save someone, but what about our kids. I can't argue. What if DS needs it? My mom? My sister? My bff?

I checked on her post today, she was telling someone she was regecting her husbands kidney as we speak, and that's why it is so dire. She's had his about 12 Years now. What if I do it, and she regects it in a year. Now no one can use it. I think that if in a while and life calms down, if she doesn't find one, I will make the effort to research it more , until then, I'll be praying on it

by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:30 PM

That is a tough one. why haven't they gone to HER family first? Why is her kidney bad do you know? IF she is a drinker etc....that would make a difference. Just something to take into considerateion if she's going to start drinking again.  have you prayed about it?

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:28 AM

I understand how you feel. I had half of my left kidney removed 20 yrs ago  and its not an easy recovery. But if my good kidney were to quit working I would want someone to help me if they could.  its a hard decision.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:35 AM


              First talk to him, and explain how you feel, and tell him "you are making a Doctors Appointment, Would he like to go also ?"

                    I would take Hubby, with me to speak to my Doctor, and get a "FULL BLOWN" Check-up......Leave nothing behind.....

                  Tell her - If front of him, BEFORE any TEST.

                  What your plans are, to give her a kidney, Through Blood-work, she can check your Kidneys.

                 Then go from there --- GOOD LUCK.               group hug


by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:19 PM

 Honestly, I'm one of those people that if I know a friend of mine needs help and I can do anything , i try. It bothers me too much to know that someone in my life that i care for is suffering. I'd like to think that I would at least tell her and maybe have a sit down heart to heart with my doctor and hers, too. But, i hav enever been in a situation like this, so while I can say what i *think* i would do based on my personal history, i can't say with 100% certainty...

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:06 PM

Blood type doesn't mean tissue type. You might not even be a match for her.

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:31 PM

I wouldn't do it for someone other than immediate family or my best friend. My kids need their mom. There is very likely another match.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:16 PM


Quoting CDMelty:

Blood type doesn't mean tissue type. You might not even be a match for her.

     I think , there is a tissue match and some other things involved also?

  Have you be approved for them ?

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