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Moms of adult children...question

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM
  • 70 Replies
How often do you talk to your adult children?

I'm asking because I haven't heard from my parents except when *I* have contacted them in months. I've been paying closer attention since Christmas, nothing from them unless I text first. I will admit I haven't called either. I texted on new years eve, my dads bday and then today about some events my kids have coming up that I've invited my parents to. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, my mom texted me once to ask about a gift for DD. I called once to talk to my mom about what to get the kids and one more time to discuss Christmas plans to exchange gifts etc.

It makes me sad, but I have lowered my expectations of them. I just don't expect them to be the parents I wish they were and I won't be disappointed. I think something that really upset me is that I work in a school in kindergarten and my kids are both in school, when the shooting happened in CT my mom didn't even text me to say she was thinking of me or anything. My brother and his gf live with my parents and it's like I've been replaced by this gf. It is what it is and I won't feel sorry for myself, I'm a grown up and am fine taking care of myself and my family, I would just like some emotional support now and then.

It just seems so weird to me that there is no real contact from them. We have had falling outs in the past, twice, once lasted for two years that we didn't speak. The other was just a month or two before I reached out...every time it's me reaching out. I'm kind of tired of feeling like the only grown up in my relationship with them so I've just stopped most of the effort.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:42 PM

My dad calls me at least once a week.  Mom I have not spoken to since christmas.  She has a lot of stuff going on though and not a real phone person.  I do not have a cellphone with texting on it.

My guy has adult children and has not spoken to them since christmas due to a big fight.  Us girls (me and his ex) are staying out of it.  He usually saw one twice a week and would call if anything came to mind the other days.

No one called us when the shooting happened either.  I have given up really on a close bond with mom and i cant trust dad anymore due to some events.

Bax
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:45 PM

Before I start, our family is very close.  That said, I very rarely ever call either of my grown kids.  Both are so busy that we leave it up to them to call us when they have time.  Our son calls at least 4 times a week (usually when he's walking his dog and we chat during the walk) and we text or talk to our daughter almost every day. This "one-sided calling" just sort of happened. We would call and they wouldn't be home from work yet or would still be in class or would be heading out with friends. We didn't want to hold them up or intrude so we just started having them call us.  This has absolutely nothing to do with how much we love our kids, which is very much, BUT...I am now going to call them to make sure they understand this. I would be heart broken if they were sad or somehow equated that with how much we cared about them. 

Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:46 PM
I talk to my mom a couple times a day about all sorts of things. We call about things were both involved in (we run a girl scout camp together) and just to say hello. I also see her once a week at least too.

My dad though I have to call and I do once every couple weeks to check in. We also usually only see each other around holidays or birthdays and he lives 15 minutes away from me and doesn't work...

Idk, my mom is my best friend so I don't know if it's normal for me and her to talk as much as do. We never go a whole day without checking in.
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ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:47 PM

I never call my mom unless I need to. And I only answer half the time when she calls. She always starts something so I don't like talking to her of I don't have to.

my4kids274
by Drill Sergeant Mommy on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I talk to my Mom on a daily basis. and I talk with my Dad either every day or every other day. 

Gina1109
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM
I'm 23 and I make it a point to talk to my mom daily ( either phone, text, or facebook). And i talk to to my dad eh.. about 1-2x a week. I have a great relationship with both and I hope that continues for a while and when my son grows up.

Dh on the other hand.... Maybe talks to his parents weekly or bi-weekly.
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KeliDawn
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM
I am 46 and talk to my dad almost every day. My Mom passed away 7 years ago and we talked every day also, sometimes more than once. We've always been close. I can't imagine going more than a day or 2 without talking.
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KeliDawn
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM
I'm back... We also eat out with him and have him over for dinner. He lives about 5 min from us. :)
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TJandKarasMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM
I think you should definitely talk to them about it. But I also think if they felt in any way like I do that they wouldn't be contacting you daily or almost daily.

I think if I was calling them very often then it would just naturally go that way, that I call when I have time. But I intentionally stopped most contact to see what would happen, and nothing. If your children didn't call for say a week, wouldn't you call to just say hi and check in? Maybe a little longer than a week? Less than a week? I think of myself having grown up children (they are only 9 and 10 now) and I think I would at least talk to them weekly. If I thought my kids were busy but I hadn't heard from them in a while I would send a simple text saying miss you, call me when you have a minute to say hello. I don't know, something.

I really just have to accept the fact that my parents are not the kind of parents I wish I had, and just know that I'm a different kind of parent then they are. I'm almost 30 and I still just want them to love me I guess.


Quoting Bax:

Before I start, our family is very close.  That said, I very rarely ever call either of my grown kids.  Both are so busy that we leave it up to them to call us when they have time.  Our son calls at least 4 times a week (usually when he's walking his dog and we chat during the walk) and we text or talk to our daughter almost every day. This "one-sided calling" just sort of happened. We would call and they wouldn't be home from work yet or would still be in class or would be heading out with friends. We didn't want to hold them up or intrude so we just started having them call us.  This has absolutely nothing to do with how much we love our kids, which is very much, BUT...I am now going to call them to make sure they understand this. I would be heart broken if they were sad or somehow equated that with how much we cared about them. 


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Rileyscute
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:01 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter might call me a stalker...

no seriously..I try to keep up with her..probably every few days

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