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Is this going to far now?

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:50 AM
  • 23 Replies

My BIL is 17. He keeps himself away from the family, in a room where no one is, if not his own room with the lights off and typing away on his phone or ipad. My dh teases him all the time cuz he's talking to a girl named Hibba who lives in another country, I said Shan isn't that too much he doesn't eat with the family if not at all, doesn't spend time with us he's always away constantly on his phone or ipad. He wasn't like this a few months ago. He said its fine he's not going to far with lovey stuff he just likes her and they talk that's all. I'm like he has a lock on his stuff, well he said just leave it, it's not serious. Well, my sil and I were dying to know, so I saw him swipe his password and when he went to take a shower, like criminals we barged in and looked, it's filled with "don't you know I love you?" He calls her "butterfly" and so on. I couldn't get much but maybe a few lines cuz then we heard the bathroom door open and bolted. 

Ever since this started he's been eating less and hitting the gym every day for hours. His grades have gone down, and he plans to sky dive off the worlds tallest build in dubai this summer but I doubt that I think he will take off to see or meet her there. We believe we know the girl she was at the wedding we attended in pakistan (they're all originally from there but our entire family lives in bahrain in one big home. She's a few years elder than him...I talked to my in laws about it they're not concerned they said its just Internet no one takes that stuff seriously I said I think he is taking it seriously since he's abandoned time with his family he's like a stranger now, grades are falling and he is completely changing, he skips school a lot with excuses like his back hurts and stuff and all day is on his phone.

I would like to add his friend just committed suicide last week for losing his gf who he met online...


What are your thoughts? Should parents intervene since its going far now?? Here, you're not considered an adult till 21. 

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
macilah
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Its a scary situation cause you dont know whats really going on and thats the scariest part! I would defenilty do an intervention get the whole family together and let him know ur there for him...dont pressure him to stop talking to the girl simply let him know the family misses his bonding time...
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TableforSeven
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:11 AM
5 moms liked this

My kid would have lost his Internet privileges the second his grades started falling and he stopped communicating with family.  We do not eat meals alone in our rooms.  We do not lock our things.  And until age 18, our kids give us their passwords to everything and know that we can....and do....check up on what they are doing online.

Mommy2BeAmy
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:31 AM

How do I get this through to the parents?

Quoting TableforSeven:

My kid would have lost his Internet privileges the second his grades started falling and he stopped communicating with family.  We do not eat meals alone in our rooms.  We do not lock our things.  And until age 18, our kids give us their passwords to everything and know that we can....and do....check up on what they are doing online.



TableforSeven
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this


Sadly, if they are so naiive as to think that no one takes the Internet seriously, you might not be able to.  They seem completely out of touch with the real world.  I can't really think of anything you can do to open their eyes.  Except maybe to do research on the Internet and show them the results....or maybe check your area for a program on Internet safety (often held at schools or community centers) and get them to attend.

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

How do I get this through to the parents?

Quoting TableforSeven:

My kid would have lost his Internet privileges the second his grades started falling and he stopped communicating with family.  We do not eat meals alone in our rooms.  We do not lock our things.  And until age 18, our kids give us their passwords to everything and know that we can....and do....check up on what they are doing online.





Mommy2BeAmy
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:41 AM

I'll talk to them again, thanks!


Quoting TableforSeven:


Sadly, if they are so naiive as to think that no one takes the Internet seriously, you might not be able to.  They seem completely out of touch with the real world.  I can't really think of anything you can do to open their eyes.  Except maybe to do research on the Internet and show them the results....or maybe check your area for a program on Internet safety (often held at schools or community centers) and get them to attend.

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

How do I get this through to the parents?

Quoting TableforSeven:

My kid would have lost his Internet privileges the second his grades started falling and he stopped communicating with family.  We do not eat meals alone in our rooms.  We do not lock our things.  And until age 18, our kids give us their passwords to everything and know that we can....and do....check up on what they are doing online.







Mommy2BeAmy
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:03 AM

BUMP!

Beth3721
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

sounds like a normal teen stage to me. but i guess you never really know whats going on inside his head nand how far he'll take it.

jadsmummy
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes absolutely the parents need to get involved. 1. if its an honorable intention on both their part then the families should be informed and the relationship should be done in the correct manner. 2. if its not an honorable intention then the relationship needs to stop it will only hurt one or both of them. 3. its not healthy to be so withdrawn. A good relationship will bring you joy and bring you closer to those you love not isolate you. 

OT. my neighbors are getting into it outside. :/ She cheated on her baby daddy ruh-rho!

Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:59 AM

It all sounds like normal teen romance.  Honestly, if he has met her and talks to her this much and is very into her, I would offer to fly her out to stay with the family for a week or so but I would tell him the only catch is, his grades have to go back up and he has to spend 1 hour a day doing family stuff.

i think you're over reacting and being a bit too snoopy.

Mommy2BeAmy
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 2:16 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that's where our cultures may divide. We're a strict islamixmfamily and don't believe in dating before marriage. When he's older, out of the college that his parents will pay for then it's his choice, at 17 that stuff is unheard of here. He's good boy very religious this is shocking, that's why his parents are not taking this seriously cuz they know it wont ho further than this, that's what dh says, he knows better but...


Quoting Paperfishies:

It all sounds like normal teen romance.  Honestly, if he has met her and talks to her this much and is very into her, I would offer to fly her out to stay with the family for a week or so but I would tell him the only catch is, his grades have to go back up and he has to spend 1 hour a day doing family stuff.

i think you're over reacting and being a bit too snoopy.



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