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Update Hey ladies help me catch my Dh cheating ASAP!

I made a post the other day about emails of my husbands. I've denied everything. Now I am trying to find solid proof. Anyways I just text this number that was on the list of numbers he texted yesterday but there is no messages in his phone. The name came up George. I just said "hey". They text back "hey lol" with a sig that says "mrs jones" with hearts. I don't know what to say now.


Update 11/24 11pm

I am just getting on here updating a little. I have not read all the replies nor am I going to tonight. I am out of state in a hotel with my son to think about things. We will be going to the children's museum tomorrow. He texted me today and told me he needed to talk to me. I was in a meeting but told him I would not be talking to him if he couldn't give me the respect to tell me the truth and after 6 years I deserve that. Well we met at the house. He said the condoms were truely not his (idk whether this is true or not but he HATES condoms I can tell you that much). He said the emails were his but he never actually met up with the person. He said it ended up being a scam when she text him a webcam address and he spent money on it. He said lindsey he put her number under a different name because he was afraid I would get jealous he was talking to another girl. He said all of the conversations he had with her related to work. He said her husband came up to his work today thinking the same thing I was/am because I mentioned condoms. He said his name was also under a different name in her phone. I asked him what made him want to come clean all of a sudden. He told me it was because he deleted his email account/text so I wouldn't have anything on him, and he knew I had him when he got a email at work his email had been re-activated and I already told him earlier I was having a mutual friend come over later to find out the ip address the emails were sent from (although I figured it out without said friend). I still don't know what to do. He did apologize. I just don't want to make a decision without thinking. I love him very much and I want my son to have his father in his life so I can't just think of myself. I also don't want to bring this up to family because it is embarrassing. I also at the same time do not want to worry every minute who he is talking to, who he is sleeping with, where he is ect. I also don't want to deal with him ever cheating again (yes his intentions were cheating so I see it as cheating). I guess I will just try to think about everything tonight and try to sleep and enjoy my time with my son.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Replies (491-500):
sav820
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:20 AM

Freddie Jackson
Me And Mrs. Jones lyrics...this is the one I mean.

connie45
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Read your update. Take your time. Immediate and ongoing counseling is an absolute must. Time. Lots of it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Gina1109
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:48 AM
she Updated with details



Quoting Kitschy:

It was a bit anticlimactic. I was expecting details.

Quoting lisairv:

Welcome :)

Quoting Kitschy:

Thank you

Quoting lisairv:

Page 40....

Quoting Kitschy:

He confessed? Can someone hook me up with a page number please?







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Kayla2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:50 AM
Bump. Been following from the beginning. Ease enjoy your time with you son! You and him both deserve a break from stress.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JTnJT
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this

 

How exactly is it that you can "guarantee" your marriage is stronger than mine?????   You don't know squat about me, my husband, or our marriage....so I gotta ask....what was the point behind trying to slam someone you don't know, have never met like that?   I didn't slam you, your husband or your marriage.  I simply stated that more often than not if a person is in a situation in which they don't feel they have the right to any type of privacy....more oft than not....people don't stay in a situation that makes them feel this way....no where in there did I say....YOUR SO/DH was going to leave...so why did you feel the need to try and slam my marriage?? Was it because you didn't like my opinion on the topic at hand????   Seems very childish to me.   Also the fact that I have been divorced doesn't mean I don't know anything about marriage....in fact....most would say just the opposite....that having had a failed marriage teaches you more about how to maintain a successful one.   But to each their own. 

Quoting HeathersForever:

I guarantee my marriage is stronger than yours. We have seperate bank accounts, I don't go through his but I know his info if I wanted, ditto goes for him. I don't feel the need to go through his stuff because I trust him because I have access to all, and he trusts me. That is why when I say I'm having girl's night with my friends he trusts me to leave he knows my friends, he could check my messages IF he wanted, and ditto goes for him. Don't talk to me about marriage when you are the one sitting over there who already had a failed one. Awww.

Quoting JTnJT:

 


So, you don't have ANYTHING...that is yours...EVERYTHING is yours and DH????  I somehow have trouble believing that.   That has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard!!!  If there is NO privacy...eventually someone is going to walk away....that is all but guaranteed....I don't know a single soul who doesn't have some level of privacy....even inmates get some level of privacy...not much granted...but some....it is this mentality that is (at least in part) to blame for our staggering divorce rates....just because you marry someone doesn't mean you are all of a sudden that persons lord and master...Marriage is supposed to be a declaration of love...not a license to control.....my DH has his private things....I have mine....he doesn't go through my purse or phone....I don't go through his....he has his own bank account....I have mine....(we also have a joint account that the bills get paid from) it's called RESPECT...something every marriage needs in order to last....


Quoting HeathersForever:

My stuff is open to my DH in marriage there is no "private stuff" DH and I both established this before we got married. So I would have no issue going thru his stuff he knows damn well it isn't private just like my stuff isn't. If you want to compare a woman trying to find out her DH is cheating and him cheating as both wrong that makes you an idiot. Sorry. Now;what would be wrong is if I ever DID find my DH cheating me killing him slowly over many hours very painfully, but maybe that is why I don't have to worry about it. My DH knows better.


Quoting JTnJT:


 



Aaahhhhh.....OK????   Please explain to me how being honest and true to my own moral compass, and saying "I'm not going to invade your privacy by sneaking through your stuff.' (which for the record I don't know any one who takes lightly to someone else sneaking through their stuff...myself included)....is somehow comparable to... "Go a head and cheat on me."   That doesn't even make good sense!! 
You can try any way you like to rewrite this....but simply put....2 wrongs don't make a right....doing someone else wrong...because they are doing you wrong....no one is right and no one wins....so why sink to being sneaky and dishonest for the same inevitable conclusion????? 



I swear with some people....their ears don't hear what comes out their mouth....there is no way to make this situation right by sinking to the same levels of immorality....and yes....in my book sneaking through someones private items....is immoral....because I wouldn't want someone to do it to me....so I won't do it to someone else....regardless of what ways I feel that person has slighted me.



Quoting HeathersForever:

Girl you must be a glutton for some hurting then. Would you enjoy a sign that says, "I'm too good to sneak and look at your stuff so feel free to cheat"



Quoting JTnJT:



 




Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 




My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  




There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 




As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.




Quoting Paperfishies:




Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  




Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.




i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.




when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.




he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.




sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.




Quoting JTnJT:




Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!




 




 




 




 



 



 


 


 


 

moonlitnitz
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:38 AM

bump

Mommy2BeAmy
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:19 AM

Get away for a long time, if you go back so soon he will keep it up but in a better way so u won't find out. If you stay away and he truly loves you, he will come crawling back.

charliebean
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:26 AM

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:


As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:


Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:


Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!









SissyAnn141
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:01 AM

 

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

Just ask if they know your husband. Don't beat around the bush.

 

        Call it "Do you know  he is married and has kid(if  so____)?

         Still want him ?

               You can have him  !!!!!     

       Oh Honey,  Go Here she will have your ass, NOT ME !!

 

              You deserve better ...


Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm glad he finally came clean to you. Right now the decision is totally up to you.

If you feel that the relationship is worth saving then I would do so. Of course the only way for him to gain your trust back would be to disclose everything he does when he does it and who he does it with for a little while. Until you are no longer wondering. 

At this point it's up to him to prove that he even deserves to be trusted again. Not the other way around. If he isn't willing to do what he needs to do to put your mind at ease for as long as you need him to do it, then I'd leave. 
 Even if you two do get divorced doesn't mean that he can't be in his son's life.

Do what you feel is right. take as much time as you need to make that decision. Don't let him pressure you into giving him an answer until you are ready to do so. Ask him as many questions as you need to and make sure that you get all the information that you want. Knowing everything isn't always a good thing. 

I would find out why he had intended on cheating on you. His honest answer. 

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