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Update Hey ladies help me catch my Dh cheating ASAP!

I made a post the other day about emails of my husbands. I've denied everything. Now I am trying to find solid proof. Anyways I just text this number that was on the list of numbers he texted yesterday but there is no messages in his phone. The name came up George. I just said "hey". They text back "hey lol" with a sig that says "mrs jones" with hearts. I don't know what to say now.


Update 11/24 11pm

I am just getting on here updating a little. I have not read all the replies nor am I going to tonight. I am out of state in a hotel with my son to think about things. We will be going to the children's museum tomorrow. He texted me today and told me he needed to talk to me. I was in a meeting but told him I would not be talking to him if he couldn't give me the respect to tell me the truth and after 6 years I deserve that. Well we met at the house. He said the condoms were truely not his (idk whether this is true or not but he HATES condoms I can tell you that much). He said the emails were his but he never actually met up with the person. He said it ended up being a scam when she text him a webcam address and he spent money on it. He said lindsey he put her number under a different name because he was afraid I would get jealous he was talking to another girl. He said all of the conversations he had with her related to work. He said her husband came up to his work today thinking the same thing I was/am because I mentioned condoms. He said his name was also under a different name in her phone. I asked him what made him want to come clean all of a sudden. He told me it was because he deleted his email account/text so I wouldn't have anything on him, and he knew I had him when he got a email at work his email had been re-activated and I already told him earlier I was having a mutual friend come over later to find out the ip address the emails were sent from (although I figured it out without said friend). I still don't know what to do. He did apologize. I just don't want to make a decision without thinking. I love him very much and I want my son to have his father in his life so I can't just think of myself. I also don't want to bring this up to family because it is embarrassing. I also at the same time do not want to worry every minute who he is talking to, who he is sleeping with, where he is ect. I also don't want to deal with him ever cheating again (yes his intentions were cheating so I see it as cheating). I guess I will just try to think about everything tonight and try to sleep and enjoy my time with my son.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Replies (511-520):
charliebean
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:35 PM

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:


We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:


As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:


Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:


Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!












JTnJT
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:45 PM

 

Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:

 

Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:

 

Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 



 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:34 PM

 So I just wanted to reply to this part. I knew and I had no proof. I knew him really well and when he started acting differently I knew. I knew for months before I actually sought out proof. There was proof but I wasn't too surprised because I already knew. I dunno. I knew my mom was having an affair years before she actually got caught. She was just acting off and I knew. Sometimes you just know.

!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

 

 


 

 

metalrose45
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are doing the best thing for you, leaving and allowing you both the time to think is the best option, he needs to get a real idea what life could be without you and his son, people aren't perfect and make mistakes. That does not excuse his behavior in communicating with these women and putting girl names in his phone with a man's name that is dishonest and the intentions don't seem to be legit, for her to do the same is fishy, because if you have nothing to hide or fear then there should be no problem for you to know that they speak. If they are just co-workers why hide her? Why does she hide him? Why not group events for you to interact with his coworkers...As far as the condoms not being his don't buy it, no man walks around with condom boxes and disposes of it in another man's car...not logical 


Just tell him to put himself in your shoes and ask him what if he found a condom box in your car? or speaking with other men. Relationships aren't easy but you need to speak with him and ask him if he is really in this relationship? Is he committed to you and his son, that it won't work out if you can't trust him. 

jackies_jewels
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:32 PM


You must live in a land of sunshine and rainbows. Some people do what they have to, to get the information they need. Not everyone has it thrown at them like you apparently did. 

Quoting JTnJT:


Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:


We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:


As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:


Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:


Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!
















JTnJT
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:32 PM

 No, I don't live in a land of sunshine and rainbows...I live in the real world just like you....I do however hold myself to a moral code that I will not waiver from.


Quoting jackies_jewels:


You must live in a land of sunshine and rainbows. Some people do what they have to, to get the information they need. Not everyone has it thrown at them like you apparently did. 

Quoting JTnJT:

 

Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:

 

Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:

 

Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 

 

 


 

JTnJT
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:45 PM

 

Your statment...."Some people do what they have to, to get the information they need.".....well....it has me curious...not knowing of course what your own moral code is....does this statement mean that in your view it is OK to deviate from what ever morals you live your life by....because someone has slighted you in some way....whether by a SO who has cheated, or a BFF who you feel has done something against you in some way...are there exceptions to when one should live by their own moral code, and when it is ok not too?   If so than that leaves me asking this.....what ever happened to "Strength of character" or "strength of conviction"....if a person can make exceptions to their own convictions....then what are they standing for???

Quoting JTnJT:

 No, I don't live in a land of sunshine and rainbows...I live in the real world just like you....I do however hold myself to a moral code that I will not waiver from.

 

Quoting jackies_jewels:


You must live in a land of sunshine and rainbows. Some people do what they have to, to get the information they need. Not everyone has it thrown at them like you apparently did. 

Quoting JTnJT:

 

Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:

 

Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:

 

Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 


 

charliebean
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:50 PM

Nope. I asked you how can anyone KNOW with absolute certainty and beyond a shadow of a doubt that their partner is cheating without proof? Since that's what you said.

Quoting JTnJT:


Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:


We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:


As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:


Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:


Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!















charliebean
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:55 PM

That's you though. I was married to a man who cheated on me several times, and although most times I was suspicious and knew SOMETHING was going on, I still didn't KNOW thta he was cheating, and the last time he was having an actual full-blown affair and I didn't even have a gut-feeling, because everything was better than before during that period. He actually acted like he gavce a shit during that time, so when I found out he was cheating, I was totally blown away. Not everyone knows without proof, and even so, you can't KNOW something without it being proven.

Quoting furbabymum:

 So I just wanted to reply to this part. I knew and I had no proof. I knew him really well and when he started acting differently I knew. I knew for months before I actually sought out proof. There was proof but I wasn't too surprised because I already knew. I dunno. I knew my mom was having an affair years before she actually got caught. She was just acting off and I knew. Sometimes you just know.

!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?




 

 


JTnJT
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:34 PM

 

Ahhhh....now I understand....apparently you've missed something somewhere....because never did I say, not to have or seek some sort of proof....all I ever said was you don't have to be dishonest in order to get to and find proof....I also said...if someone already has enough proof to believe that their SO has cheated....then what was the point in digging for more....to which someone responded....so they couldn't wiggle their way out of it....to which I said....well then that is a self satisfying need, and that it didn't make sense to me...to stoop to the point of being dishonest....to in essence satisfy a selfish need.....I mean...what is the point in "needing" the accused to confess....if they were sorry, and true about wanting to make the situation right....they wouldn't be lying....so in my opinion....if your point for digging for "proof" is for the mere satisfaction of being able to corner an individual into a possible confession....well than I don't understand that reasoning....because who wants to hear someone say..."Yeah...I have dogs I treat better than you....I have no respect for you....I don't think your worthy of being treated with respect....so I cheated on your ass??????....somewhere along the lines something was taken way out of context...or simply wasn't read while not in an emotionally charged state of mind... you can go back over EVERYTHING  I've posted....and NEVER did I suggest that someone throw away a relationship on nothing more than a hunch.....but I don't see the sense in continuing to dig for information if your own burden of proof has already been satisfied....THAT is what I was trying to say...

Lordy...Lordy....at least it all makes sense now...because honestly I couldn't understand why ya'll were getting so upset over the fact that I don't feel the person being cheated on has to sink to the same type of lows as the person doing the cheating....I really couldn't....it wasn't making any sense....I would've thought that as woman we'd say to one another...."stand for what you believe in...don't let anyone knock you down"....and yet her I was being "knocked down" for holding firm to my conviction that I don't have to become a liar and a cheat yourself in order to catch one....

Quoting charliebean:

Nope. I asked you how can anyone KNOW with absolute certainty and beyond a shadow of a doubt that their partner is cheating without proof? Since that's what you said.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

Ok....so sorry....."Why wouldn't you  believe their denial?"   Is that your question.....my answer is as it always has been through out this entire post.....I NEVER said NOT  to get proof....I only ever said....you don't need to be dishonest to get that proof.....if you have enough proof....that you've confronted a person.....and they still deny things....most people...myslef included....are not going to believe that denial....because they've already got enough proof to satisfy their own burdan of proof....hence the reason they confronted the accused....does that more clearly answer your question?

Quoting charliebean:

You didn't answer my question.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

We are all entitled to our own opinions...I never claimed to be better than anyone else...and regardless of everyone else's opinion....I BELIEVE  THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO SINK TO THE LOW OF BEING DISHONEST TO GET INFORMATION I MAY FEEL I NEED!!!  NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE!

Had you bothered to finish reading....you would have read that I did not leave based on nothing more than a "hunch"....I had solid "proof" of infidelities on my ex husbands part  ( which I got with out being dishonest to do so!!!!!!!)....so yeah....I divorced his effin ass....your damn right.....because my own self worth ment more to me.....then staying with someone who obviously did not value me as a person....

And I'm sorry....I don't care who the person is doing the cheating....they ALWAYS think they are smarter than the next cheating ass hole.....but they very rarely are......in most cases....because of their stupidity is thinking they are "too smart" to get caught.....they are bond to slip up and "hang themselves".....which means....you don't have to be dishonest to find "proof" of infidelity.....you don't have to sink to the low of being dishonest....to catch someone else who is being dishonest.....YOU don't have to agree with that sentiment.....but the fact that you don't....doesnt' make it any less true!!!

Quoting charliebean:

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Especially this part:

Quote:

if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"

How exactly does anyone KNOW their partner is cheating if they have no proof? They can assume and guess and suspect, but you can't KNOW without proof. And what does them denying it have anything to do with you having proof? Of course they're going to deny it, but if you don't have proof, why wouldn't you believe their denial?

FTR, the whole part about you being moral and having standards and being better than everyone else and whatnot... Most people value their marriages and families and lifestyles they've built more than to just up and leave over a hunch, and want actual proof so they KNOW that they aren't wrong. That somehow seems more right than choosing to just "know" without proof and divorcing over baseless suspicions.

Quoting JTnJT:

 

As my now 80 yr old father taught me...."you give any fool enough rope...eventually their bond to hang themselves with it."  As I said before you can try and paint this horse any color you like....but it doesn't change the facts.....wrong is wrong...no matter what the "reasoning" is behind it....if he is in fact cheating...you don't have to sit around and wait to "know"....she already "knows"....so the proof isn't for any other purpose than having something to confront him with....which...in most cases you can have the most overwhelming proof....(fit for any jury)....and the cheater is STILL going to deny it....so really....where is the point in stooping to the low of digging for that proof.....I'm sorry maybe it's just the way I was raised to reason things out....doesn't a bit of that "philosophy" make sense.

Quoting charliebean:

 

Quote:

personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it.
You can prefer that other people act a certain way all you want, doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. If the only way to actually know something is to "sneak around" and be "dishonest" or sit around on your ass waiting for him to come crawling to you confessing everything (because we all know that's how it always goes, right? Because cheaters are so honest and forthcoming), then you'll be waiting a loooong time.
Quoting JTnJT:

 

Not once have I said that a cheater is an honest person....however, sneaking around and setting traps to try and catch a cheater in the act....is just as dishonest as the person doing the cheating....how could you say otherwise? 

My ex husband cheated on me....sure I was hurt, jealous, and totally ready to kill someone....but I didn't start sneaking around in order to try and catch him in the act.  You can find the information you need/want  with out being dishonest yourself doing so.  

There are other ways to "bait and trap" with out stooping to the low of being dishonest or sneaky yourself.  That is the point I was trying to make. 

As someone who has been cheated on...personally I would have rather he come out to my face and said "hell yeah, I'm cheating on you."  Then to have snuck around to do it....it was the sneakiness and dishonesty that had hurt me the most...not the act itself.....so with that thought in mind....I would never sink to the same lows (being dishonest and sneaky) as the person thought to be cheating.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Yes because a cheater, someone who is lying and fucking around will say, "why yes dear, I am sticking my dick into my secretary 3 times a week!"  When you ask him.  

Cheaters are sneaking around for a reason, not many come straight out and tell you the truth without them knowing you have 100% factual evidence.

i caught my husband by looking at his cell phone bill.  There was one number on there over and over, yet the number was never in his phone.

when i confronted him, he turned it around on me. Told me it was my insecurities and that I was crazy.

he denied he was cheating until I took his phone out of his pocket one night while he as sleeping and he forgot to delet some texts... And there it was, them describing their sex acts in great detail...and even then he still tried to deny it.  Lmao.

sometimes in order to get the truth you have to go digging around for it.

Quoting JTnJT:

Why does everyone think they need to sneak around and "try" to catch the SO in the act?  Doing this doesn't make you any better than the person doing the cheating....assuming of course he is actually cheating....and not that you've just let your imagination run away with you....isn't part of the issue that the person cheating...isn't being honest and straight forward?   So, how is what you are doing any better?  This kind of shit just blows my mind.....be an effing adult and use your big girl words and talk to the man!!!

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 



 

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