Having the "Adoption Talk" with a child.. Advice
Ok, so in a nut shell my eight yr old's bio dad has been out of his life for almost seven years. I left him when my son was five weeks old due to domestic violence. He literally ABANDONED my son, went and had another son and named him the EXACT same name as my son... told everyone that I wouldn't allow him to see my son, that he wasn't sure that my son was his. Stopped paying CS, just up and ABANDONED him. Well, my current DH and I have known each other for six years been together for five, married for three and have a one year old together. When my son first met DH he called him by his name, "Frankie." At the time my father was the only male role model in my son's life and we all called my him Dad so my son did as well. Well one day, out of no where my son started calling DH Daddy-Frankie. My husband didn't even miss a beat and before we were ever engaged he said that he wanted adopt my son. Over the years, I have tried to address the fact that Daddy- Frankie is not really his bio dad, but he is his dad because he WANTS to be his dad and he loves him. DS would cry, say that Daddy-Frankie IS his dad and he looks just like him... that I'm lying. Well, I left it alone for a while because I figured he was too young to understand what I was trying to tell him. Well, ds has been asking more and more questions. Such as how is SS his brother but SS's mommy is J and not me... why does the baby have the same last name as Daddy-Frankie but he has to wait for the adoption to be finished before he can have the same last name? Why is SS and him the same age? I really think that I need to try to have the adoption talk with him... but DH is currently deployed. I don't know how to go about this again... what do I say? What do I do if he gets upset? What if he wants to find his bio dad?
I know this conversation NEEDS to be had.. my little sister is adopted, she is not related to us in no way shape or form. A child at school told her she was adopted when she was ten and she went ballistic and beat the child up... didn't speak to my parents for a month. Now at the age of 17 she is defiant, nasty... she says she loves my parents but whenever they get into an argument she tells them that they're not really her parents. ADVICE PLEASE?