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Desperately seeking advice on 3 yr old social skills

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:17 AM
  • 15 Replies
Hello, everyone! I'm new to the site, and am in desperate need of advice concerning my 3 1/2 yr old little girl.
First, Kota is a beautiful, confident, very outgoing little girl and I am a stay at home mom. Last October, I enrolled her in a ballet/ tumbling class for her to make some friends and learn to take direction before she starts prek this August.
She is very eager to befriend and play/ interact with these little girls, perhaps overeager. She has a hard time with several things in the duration of the class, including but not limited to: waiting her turn nicely, standing exclusively in her assigned spot, etc. Twice there have been little girls who told her, "I don't want to sit by you" and moved away while waiting their turn for an activity. The first time, I thought, well maybe that little girl is just a brat...but the second time has really, REALLY bothered me. I mean, it happened yesterday and I'm still having problems sleeping because of it.
Now these other little girls all have mothers who work while they attend daycare. Is this where they learn these ugly behaviors? On one hand I feel like I want to jerk her out of class away from these little "mean girls", and on the other, I feel like I need to place her in daycare to allow her to learn the social dynamic among little girls.
Kota herself has just really been unphased by these little girls' rudeness. She didn't cry, bat an eyelash or anything..it's me that's been traumatized. I'm just looking for anyone with any advice, pearls of wisdom, perspective, etc. ???
Thanks in advance! Any help at all is greatly appreciated!
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by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:25 AM
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From what i know of 3 yr olds.  This is normal not to be instant friends and there is no filter on their mouth.  They rarely do it to be mean rather they tell you the truth bluntly.  You need to learn not to put adult actions/feelings on children to be less traumatized.   OML kindergarten was rough for dd and her classmates since if one did not play with other it would result in a group break down of crying.   We had to work and teach each child that just because they do not want to sit near them or play the same game it did not mean they are trying to hurt your feelings nor does it mean the friendship is gone.

Tiffanymmartin
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:30 AM
Thank you! I so needed to hear that. You've been very helpful. I might actually get some sleep now ;) Music to my ears!
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sissyboogs
by Katie on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:35 AM
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Since it doesn't bother her, I would let it go. 

My son went through something similar. It was from his cousins though (all around the same age). They would say things like they didn't want to play with him, he was "weird", etc...And, I SO wanted to tell them to be nice and play with him, LOL....but, he was NEVER bothered by it. In fact, he would come home and tell me they were his best friends. 

Now, he's 4, and he's been in preschool for a couple months, and all the other kids love him. His social skills are amazing (which to be honest, shocked me because I was afraid he would always be the "weird" kid....). 

So, I guess what I'm saying is this sounds like normal 3 year old behavior, and as long as it's not affecting her, there is no reason to get worked up about it. 

Tiffanymmartin
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:41 AM
Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and share your own story. It's reay nice to know they get past this.
doulala
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:51 AM
1 mom liked this

It's fine.  She sounds normal.
She will learn over time how to wait in lines and around others, exposure like this is great!

Try not to take it personally, model the behavior you expect, redirect, and expose her to what you want--

;-)

JasonsMom2007
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I used to teach preschool and that is so normal for a 3 year old.  Girls are the worst with the whole "I don't want to sit by you" or as they grow it becomes "you aren't my friend anymore."  Drama, drama, drama!

NESmith63
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:02 AM
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Aww poor mama! My DS has issues with making friends and it kills me. (He is 8). Dd on the other hand is 3 and has never said anything like that to anybody! I would be angry if she did. She fully understands hurting feelings and what being rude is. She is in a gymnastics class with 2 other kids who are kind of like how you described...don't wait their turn, they don't really follow directions and go back and forth between participating and doing their own thing. Dd is not bothered by this at all. If one of them cuts her she just lets it happen and waits until they are done. She is very focused in her gymnastics and dance but doesn't let other kids bother her. I'm not sure what's "normal" but I'm sorry that happened to her and its really good that it doesn't bother her.
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MixedCooke
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:45 AM

thinking it is actually better the other way around--her being in pre-k wouldve helped her in taking/following direction in the ballet/tumbling class.

SissyAnn141
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:01 AM

 

Quoting JasonsMom2007:

I used to teach preschool and that is so normal for a 3 year old.  Girls are the worst with the whole "I don't want to sit by you" or as they grow it becomes "you aren't my friend anymore."  Drama, drama, drama!

 I have a 20 year old son.

 It is always drama ( high-school ), let her handle it, for as long as possible.

  This is the only way she will be able to "Take care of it herself".

 

 

Delta.Dawn
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:17 AM

Sounds like normal 3 yr old behavior on all levels.Don't worry there will be plenty of time for her to get social skills down.Also do emotion charts with her that might help her to let her have an outlet it will open more communication so that you can talk , address every type of issue she may encounter.

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