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Ex husband and mom drama what do you think?

Posted by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:13 AM
  • 12 Replies

 I have been divorced a little over a month now. Background my ex husband abused me and has a domestic violence record and still verbally abuses me when he comes to pick up our son for his scheduled visitations. No joke, but my mom was mad just two months ago because I would not stay married to my ex. Now to today. My son has a sports game today and it's my ex's weekend with our son. My parents wanted to come to the game and go to lunch with my ex and me and my son afterwards. I was going to actually do it until he came to my house yesterday telling me what a loser I am an how i will never be able to please a man, etc. I actually meet quality professional men and I do have a college degree and I am also a professional. So I just ignore him attempting to put me down to make himself feel better because he has a domestic violence charge on his record. Anyway I am tired of being a victim to my mom and ex and decided not to go to lunch today so they can't pick me to pieces like they always did when we were married. So my mom tried her best to guilt trip me saying I did not care about my son for not coming and I said no I care to not be abused this has nothing to do with my son. So I have decided not to be their victims anymore. So I am working on building my self esteem so that I can move past my abusive marriage and past my childhood. So do your moms call your ex husbands? Everyone I told including my attorney thinks my mom is crazy for calling my ex husband. She knows that her and my dad can see my son anytime I have him on my weekends, but yet she will call my ex on his weekends trying to see my son and then refuse to see him on my weekends when I am totally fine with it. Then she told me today to be nice to my ex. I have been too nice all my life because that it is what I was taught by my parents and I am always taken advantage of and mistreated for being too nice, which I am working hard on this year. Do any of your moms call your ex's and totally not have your back?

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM
I don't have this issue but DH's cousin does with her mom. To the point where she wanted the ex to walk her down the aisle at her son's wedding instead of her other DS. My MIL loves him too. I'm dying to let her know what a snake he is but dH says I can't Crazy!

Just keep doing what you need to do to keep your sanity.
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Heath77
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:49 AM

bump

LABELmeCUTE
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:56 AM
NO! My mom would never!thats crazy how she's still crazy about him after he used to beat u
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gypsy30
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM

 My mother did communicate with my ex after our breakup, and about our daughter.  He was also abusive to me, and my mom knew it.  I was sooooo mad.  But my mom did a lot of nasty things to me.  Still, it floored me that, by talking to him, she was basically telling me that it was okay that he beat on me.  It was one of the more unforgiveable things she did to me.  I know how that feels, and I'm sure you are upset about it.  Absolutely do NOT let her bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable doing.  It's probably going to cause a lot of problems, but you don't deserve to be treated that way.  Period.

ilovemyson2002
by mom of 2 boys on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:18 AM

hugs 

mamao3boys
by New Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:34 AM

I feel you girls.  My mom did the same thing for a long time, but she too was abusive.


  It does take time to get past the abuse and tearing down, but you can and will get there.


   Do not let them tear you down, you are better than them, and if your ex is doing this in front of your child, he can lose his visitation alltogether.  Another idea is to ask for a supervised visitation, where you would not have to see him at all.


Hope this helps.

Quoting gypsy30:

 My mother did communicate with my ex after our breakup, and about our daughter.  He was also abusive to me, and my mom knew it.  I was sooooo mad.  But my mom did a lot of nasty things to me.  Still, it floored me that, by talking to him, she was basically telling me that it was okay that he beat on me.  It was one of the more unforgiveable things she did to me.  I know how that feels, and I'm sure you are upset about it.  Absolutely do NOT let her bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable doing.  It's probably going to cause a lot of problems, but you don't deserve to be treated that way.  Period.


Due9
by your-bff on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't have an ex husband. But if I did, I would be very upset if my mom were doing what your mom is doing. I don't see an issue if she is just calling to see her grandchild..but your mom is taking it too far.

Tigress22304
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:38 AM

I think my mother hates my ex more then i do.....however when DH and I are fighting or going thru a rough spot-she always blames me and takes his side....whether I'm right or not.

Makes no sense. Your mother? Is a drama queen. Seems like she's getting a kick out of putting you down. I'm sorry,as a mother, if I knew my daughter was in an abusive relationship-I'd do whatever it took to build her up and help her get on her feet again.

DomesticDoll
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:50 AM
Are u kidding me??!!!! My mom HATES my ex husband who was also physically abusive and verbally just like ex ... She would run him over if she saw him in the road, for putting me AND my daughter through that!! Because the kids are victims too! They see and hear it and it does something to them!!!! Your mom is wrong for being the way she is! I say you're better off without them and maybe go to court and modify visitations and tell the judge it's an ordeal everytime your ex sees your son and tell him about the name calling in front of your son and heck- get a restraining order on your mom- that would teach her If I had to... I would!!!
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gypsy30
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:57 AM

 My experience with this was 21 years ago, so it's over and done with now and my mom's been gone for 7 years now.  I might add that while I didn't like her, I loved her, but she did a lot of crappy things to me and one of them was scheming with my ex after we broke up.  Funny thing was, she didn't start this particular crap with me until after I started seeing someone else.  Apparently, she thought the ex was better for me than the one I was seeing.  As it turned out, I married the one my mother flipped her lid over and we've been married 19 years now.  He has never mistreated me.  When I told her I was going to marry him (and I didn't really care to, but my dh said I should let her know), her  response was: "I knew that son of a bitch would do something to get back at me."  Yeah, he married me just to piss her off.  Really?  So, I get the OP's frustration.  It's not fun having this go on, but I hope she sticks to her guns and does not let her mother control her like mine tried to do, even to the point of getting my abusive ex involved.

Quoting mamao3boys:

I feel you girls.  My mom did the same thing for a long time, but she too was abusive.

 

  It does take time to get past the abuse and tearing down, but you can and will get there.

 

   Do not let them tear you down, you are better than them, and if your ex is doing this in front of your child, he can lose his visitation alltogether.  Another idea is to ask for a supervised visitation, where you would not have to see him at all.

 

Hope this helps.

Quoting gypsy30:

 My mother did communicate with my ex after our breakup, and about our daughter.  He was also abusive to me, and my mom knew it.  I was sooooo mad.  But my mom did a lot of nasty things to me.  Still, it floored me that, by talking to him, she was basically telling me that it was okay that he beat on me.  It was one of the more unforgiveable things she did to me.  I know how that feels, and I'm sure you are upset about it.  Absolutely do NOT let her bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable doing.  It's probably going to cause a lot of problems, but you don't deserve to be treated that way.  Period.


 

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