Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I'm so sick of my 7 yr old son lying to me. What to do??

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM
  • 5 Replies


My son, Alex, is my oldest so this is all new to me. Honestly, I didn't think that 7 year olds lie.

He doesn't lie about big things, he just seems to lie about little things.

For example a couple of months ago he took a shower and he got the inside of the shower dirty and then when I asked him about it he lied to me and told me that he didn't do. I know I didn't do it. My SO didn't do it because he knows better than to do that and if he does, he cleans it up. 

Anyways, this morning he put colored spiker hair in this morning before school and he got some on his forehead.

I asked him if he knew there was colored spiker on his forehead and he replied yes.

I asked him if he WASHED it off and he said yes.

I knew he lied. And I told him and then I asked why he lied and he said "I don't know"  So I told him that he was grounded from playing with his friends for a week on top of not being able to watch tv or play on his cell phone for a week.

So I went into the bathroom and I seen a dry washcloth hanging over the bathroom sink.

I asked him if he used it and he said yes.

WTH!! I just don't get it. If he didn't lie, then why is it when I asked him he said I don't know? why didn't he just explain to me that he tried to wash it off with a washcloth but didn't use water??

I just don't understand.

I swear my son's favorite saying is, "I don't know."

he says it for everything.

How do i teach him to communciate with me?

How do i get it through to him that telling me i don't know doesn't solve anything?

i keep telling him not to tell me i don't know and both my SO and I have explained to him when the apprepriate time to use i don't know and when it's not.

i just don't know how to get through to him.

I feel bad now because he didn't lie but he did lie. because he didn't WASH his forehead because the cloth was dry so he WIPED his forehead.

i just don't know what to do anymore.

he is lying to the point where i feel that i can't trust him.

little lies turn into big lies.

a couple of months ago he went to his fathers house and took his half sisters toy cell phone without asking and then lied about it.

WHAT DO I DO???? I need help!!

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
Indianamomto4
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:53 PM

I can only suggest that you establish a close relationship with your son, so that he feels comfortable telling you the truth. I know I was scared of my dad when I was little because he was big, intimidating, and had a bad temper. He would accuse me of something and if I said,"no I didn't do it" He would tell me I was lying and that I was going to get it twice as bad then if I just told the truth....I would end up confessing to him about something I didn't really do out of fear. I couldn't win. He wouldn't believe me even if I told the truth so I finally  just said what I thought he wanted to hear.

I try to have the kind of relationship with my kids that unless they give me a reason not to believe them then I trust them. All kids lie while growing up, it's just a normal part of being a kid. If it has gotten to be a problem then I would sit down when not angry and try to have a conversation with your ds about how important it is for you to know he is being truthful and what could happen if he lies, especially about something important. I would be careful about labeling your child a "liar" because kids often become what they are labeled as.

gypsy30
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:10 PM

 Getting out a washcloth and wiping his forehead could very well constitute 'washing' his forehead to a 7 y/o.  I don't think I would have reacted so drastically over that. 

What happens when he does tell the truth about something you don't like?  Could it be that he's afraid to tell the truth because he's afraid of being blown up at?  If that's not the case, kids do lie from time to time.  Some might disagree with me, but it's a fact.  I used to tell my kids that it's okay to tell the truth, and when I reassured them that I wouldn't get mad, they did.  I'd tell them, I might not agree with it, I might not like it, but it's okay to tell the truth.  And then if I didn't agree with it, or didn't like it, we talked about it.  That went a whole lot farther when they were growing up than making them feel that they couldn't tell me the truth because it might get them in trouble.  We always had great communication because of that, and my kids (who are 22 and 17 now) and I are really close because of it.

AMBG825
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:11 PM

 My suggestion stop asking him questions you already have the answer to. IF you know he got the shower curtain dirty, make him clean it. Don't ask him if he got it dirty because you are telling him that you are open to the possibility that you don't know the truth and you might believe him. but if you say, you got the shower curtain dirty, you need to clean it. There is no question that you know he did it and there is no opportunity for him to lie to you.

 

Same with the colored spiker in his hair. You knew he did it yet you still asked him if he did. IF his hair is blue do you really need to ask him if he used it? You just tell him to wash it out.

 

Think about it. One time I had my DD at the playground. There was a little boy there her age that she was playing with. All of a sudden this kid hit her. His mother walked up to him and actually asked him "did you just hit her?" Do you think it was necessary for her to ask him if he hit her when she stood right there and witnessed it? It was a silly question to ask. He knew he hit her. She knew he hit her. Yet she told her kid that she would possibly believe him if he told her no by asking a question that even he knew the answer to.

iansusie
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:24 PM



Quoting AMBG825:

 My suggestion stop asking him questions you already have the answer to. IF you know he got the shower curtain dirty, make him clean it. Don't ask him if he got it dirty because you are telling him that you are open to the possibility that you don't know the truth and you might believe him. but if you say, you got the shower curtain dirty, you need to clean it. There is no question that you know he did it and there is no opportunity for him to lie to you.

 

Same with the colored spiker in his hair. You knew he did it yet you still asked him if he did. IF his hair is blue do you really need to ask him if he used it? You just tell him to wash it out.

 

Think about it. One time I had my DD at the playground. There was a little boy there her age that she was playing with. All of a sudden this kid hit her. His mother walked up to him and actually asked him "did you just hit her?" Do you think it was necessary for her to ask him if he hit her when she stood right there and witnessed it? It was a silly question to ask. He knew he hit her. She knew he hit her. Yet she told her kid that she would possibly believe him if he told her no by asking a question that even he knew the answer to.

LOL, I see what you are saying, specially about the mom and kid that hit your DD but sometimes, you are not really thinking, or you are so dumb founded by your child's actions that you just "Ask" out loud, not that you are really expecting an answer from them, which I get is confusing to the child. My son is 8 and for the last few months he just flat out lies about silly stuff. It drives me insane and it is hard to say, "tell me the truth, I won't get mad" when you know your child did something that is worng or could cause harm to them or someone else. 


AMBG825
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:45 PM

 BTDT. I have 4 kids and believe me, my kids have done things that were just so outrageous that even I couldn't believe they were related to either me or DH. And it takes awhile to break the habit of asking. But if you catch yourself doing it, you can correct yourself. Like when you ask him "did you use the blue hair spike stuff?" You can say "nevermind, silly question. Go wash it out." The consequences should be for using the blue spikey stuff not for you asking a silly question. By asking a question you know the answer to, the lesson of using the spikey stuff gets lost.

 

One time, my 2 older boys (now 19 and 17) were sharing a room and they were supposed to be cleaning it. We had a laundry chute right across the hall. I was in the kitchen and I could see my oldest in the hallway putting laundry down the chute. All of a sudden I see 2 large action figures go whizzing past his head and this red clad leg dart out from behind their bedroom door (the younger one was wearing these bright red jogging pants) and start kicking him. Me, being younger and less experienced actually asked him if he threw the action figures and kicked him. His response was to tell me that no. someone broke into his room through the window, forced him to remove his pants, put them on then threw the action figures and kicked him. When he heard me coming down the hall (a whole 15 feet maybe) he hurried up, removed his pants, gave them back to him and left out the window while he put them back on.

 

to this day, I still give my 17 yr old hell for that story. I will admit, it was a great story. But I shouldn't have asked a question that had a very obvious answer.

Quoting iansusie:

 

 

Quoting AMBG825:

 My suggestion stop asking him questions you already have the answer to. IF you know he got the shower curtain dirty, make him clean it. Don't ask him if he got it dirty because you are telling him that you are open to the possibility that you don't know the truth and you might believe him. but if you say, you got the shower curtain dirty, you need to clean it. There is no question that you know he did it and there is no opportunity for him to lie to you.

 

Same with the colored spiker in his hair. You knew he did it yet you still asked him if he did. IF his hair is blue do you really need to ask him if he used it? You just tell him to wash it out.

 

Think about it. One time I had my DD at the playground. There was a little boy there her age that she was playing with. All of a sudden this kid hit her. His mother walked up to him and actually asked him "did you just hit her?" Do you think it was necessary for her to ask him if he hit her when she stood right there and witnessed it? It was a silly question to ask. He knew he hit her. She knew he hit her. Yet she told her kid that she would possibly believe him if he told her no by asking a question that even he knew the answer to.

LOL, I see what you are saying, specially about the mom and kid that hit your DD but sometimes, you are not really thinking, or you are so dumb founded by your child's actions that you just "Ask" out loud, not that you are really expecting an answer from them, which I get is confusing to the child. My son is 8 and for the last few months he just flat out lies about silly stuff. It drives me insane and it is hard to say, "tell me the truth, I won't get mad" when you know your child did something that is worng or could cause harm to them or someone else. 

 

 






 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)