Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I found my birth family!

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:44 PM
  • 9 Replies
5 moms liked this

My entire life I've known that I was adopted. Every since I was a little kid I knew that I was "special" because my mom and daddy "hand picked me" to be their daughter. They always told me that my birth mother and father loved me, but they couldn't take care of me, so they gave me up so that a family that could provide for me could give me everything. --- That's how they always explained it to me, so I've always had a very positive view and opinion of adoption.

I lost my daddy a little more than a year ago, and it really got me thinking - if I'm ever going to search for these people, I better get going because they're not getting any younger either. 

I started with my county where my adoption was finalized, but they were less than cooperative. I spent several months bickering back and forth with them about what was and wasn't "non identifying information". I finally got fed up and wrote to my senator, congressman, governor, and county commissioners complaining about their uncooperativeness! Within hours my phone was ringing! 

I was assigned my very own personal social worker who assisted me with all of the non identifying information that I was legally allowed to have. (who says you can't fight city hall?!)

While I was waiting for my information to be dug up out of files (it wasn't computerized, it was literally in files, in boxes, and it had to be read, and then typed up and sent to me, which took weeks because it was nearing the holidays.) So while I was waiting for my information I was working with a Search Angel and registering on every adoption web site imaginable. 

My letter with information arrived on December 23 at 9am. I immediately called my search angel and shared what I had with her so that she could work on it after Christmas. At 11pm that night she called me with my birth mother's name! (she's the bomb!)

It turns out that the information that my county had given me was incorrect, and in turn it had thrown me WAY off! I always knew that something wasn't quite right with it, which is why I was bickering with them.

With in minutes of getting my birth mother's name I was looking at her obituary online. It turned out that she passed away this past July, about two or three months after I began really searching hard. 

I waited until December 26th and I contacted the funeral home and explained who I was. I asked the funeral director if he would contact one of my siblings and ask them to call me. (I knew he couldn't give me their number, so I didn't even bother asking) I found during my search that telling the truth about why you are asking for information will either open door wide open or slam them shut in your face. I could tell after talking to this man for a couple of minutes that he had a heart and would help me out. 

Five minutes later he called me back and told me that he'd talked to my oldest sister Shelley, and she was very curious and he expected that she would be calling me very soon. He told her someone had called and needed to speak to her. She wanted to know what it was about? He told her it wasn't anything bad, and that she should just set aside a few minutes and go some place quite and call the lady back. (It turned out that the funeral director went to school with my sister, so he knew her well enough to talk to her like that) It was enough of a hint that less than 5 minutes later she called!

It turned out she'd known about me her entire life and she wasn't completely surprised that it was me calling. I was one of 6 children! I was the second child, then I have a sister who is 19 months younger than me who also knew about me. The other three children were several years younger and they didn't know about me. 

I was the result of an affair with a married man. She told him about me, but she never got big or gained a lot of weight, so he didn't really believe her. Plus she kept it a secret from her family because he was a married man.

The story she told my sisters is that his parents told her that if she didn't give me up for adoption they would take me away from her and she would never see me again. They (birth father's family) were very wealthy and apparently powerful in the community, and I guess she either believed them, or felt like adoption was the best option for me. 

I got to meet my birth father on Saturday. I sat down and had lunch with him and his wife. They were both very nice and I feel very "fulfilled" that I got to tell him face to face "thank you" for not trying to talk her into killing me with an abortion, or keeping me and fighting over me. 

I felt like there was no need in asking him if the story was true about his parents telling her she had to give me up because they are dead and so is she, and at this point it doesn't really matter. 

It was really nice to sit down with him and show him pictures of me in my wedding gown being walked down the aisle with my daddy, pictures of my junior prom, senior prom, going to the prom as a freshman and as a sophomore, participating in a beauty pagent, my cheer leading pictures, my band competitions, my citation red drum, and my beautiful children. Basically I got to show him in pictures that adoption was the best gift he could've given me and that I have no hard feelings. 

I only wish that I could've let my birth mother know all of these things before she died. My sisters say that she never got over loosing me, and that makes me sad. 

But on a happy note I'm having a really nice time getting to know my siblings on my birth mother's side. Unfortunately my siblings on my birth father's side aren't interested in meeting me. But that's okay. They might change their mind, and if they do I'm only a couple of hours away. 

So THAT's my happy ending. This is what I've been waiting for my entire life. I found my baby brother that I've always wanted and I now have a whole bunch of sisters, and maybe one day 3 more brothers if they ever change their minds. 

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:44 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
Indianamomto4
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:04 PM

So happy for you and hope it turns out the way you want. I have an older brother who was given up for adoption when our mother was 15. My mom found him when he was 17 and I was 9. She reached out to him again when he was an adult but he never wanted anything to do with his biological family. He has a grown daughter who has since reached out to my mom and has helped to heal the hole she had in her heart from having to give her first born up.

obx_Mom
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:30 PM

It's amazing how many people have approached me and said "hey I gave a baby up" or "my mom gave a baby up" or "I was adopted" How did you do it? Can you help me? 

It definitely hasn't been the fairy tale story that I imagined. It was so sad to hear how she suffered and grieved and also to hear the conditions that my siblings grew up in. 

mamabear0791
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:55 AM

I am so happy for you! Congrats!

IHeartDraven
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:06 PM
Congrats!!!

I'm adopted and started working w the county last year to obtain my nonidentifying info and gave up quickly
Noone knows what the hell they are doing or are willing to help. My frustration got the best of me.
Maybe I will try again :/
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LoveMyLos
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:12 PM

i found mine about 4 yrs ago.....meh, could take it or leave it, really. very disappointing...

glad yours turned out happy!

busymomkristin
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:23 PM

What a great story!!

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:05 PM
I am so happy this worked out for you!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bonneata
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:57 PM
I am so glad to here this
proudGBmama
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:35 PM
How do you find a search angel? We are searching for my bfs birth mom and siblings but can't get any info
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)