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Is there anything i can do??

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:10 AM
  • 8 Replies
To keep my EX from coming back into my kids lives?? I still need him to pay CS because without it I wouldn't be able to pay all my bills with just what I make working. It has been over 2 weeks since he last saw my kids on Sunday he sent me a text saying he was trying to figure out when and where he could see the kids again. He doesn't like parks so it won't be there and I doubt he would want to go to a fast food resteraunt and spend money on them and he won't come to my place cause its not fair to his new girlfriend. Its kind of pointless for them to go to his place because he has nothing for them to do no toys or games or nothing and he is getting ready to move in with his new girlfriend. I have been documenting every missed visit and missed text or call to my son. I don't see him coming around again cause he has chosen his girlfriend over his kids. He can't even be bothered to take 2 seconds out of his day to pick up the phone to call his son to see how he is doing. I have thought about sending him a text saying either step up and be a dad and make your kids a priority or walk out of their lives for good so I can pick up the peices and start the healing process from them. But if I do my son will blame me for him not being around. He also has 2 other kids that he hasn't seen or talked to in 10+ years so I know that's where my kids are heading. I just don't want him to think its ok to walk in and out of their lives and cause more damage. Any advice would be great thanks.
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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:10 AM
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Replies (1-8):
gr8d8n3mom
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:16 AM
3 moms liked this

I know your mama protection for your kids is telling you to protect your kids sooner than later. Your kids have a right to see their dad, no matter how you feel about him.(or when or if he is going to stop seeing them and or hurt them down the road) If you have a court order, I'm really sorry, but you have to abide by it, or he can take u to court.

We as moms,want what is best for our kids, even when we know or see what may come in their future. Unfortunately, sometimes, we have to let the chips fall where they may. I was in your shoes. As much as it hurt me to see my girls go thru the "is dad coming this weekend" "will dad answer my call this time" I had to let it go, and let them go thru it. If you don't, u hit the nail on the head. Your son will blame you. I let things go with my girls until they became "age of election" in our state, (or if you feel your kids are in harms way, and it's documented) Kids are smarter than we think, and give them credit for. As much as it pains you, allow this, so your son knows you love him enough to see things thru his eyes.

Trust me. My girls knew who their father really was. I didn't say a negative word about him ever in our home. Our divorce was about him and me. I kept our kids out of it.

dana63
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:38 AM

 Hi! I am sorry your going through this.. My twins father did this as well and I would simply document and after 90 days it was abandonment (in my state) and after awhile the courts took his rights and he still had to pay CS. My twins are 29 now and they knew it was their fathers choice (not mine) for not being in their life. I never lied to them or said anything nasty or negative to them about their father, I figured they would see it on their own.

Just answer any questions your children might have in a positive way and let them know that daddy loves them and he will see them when he can.

jenking04
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:10 PM
We have a court order but he never follows it. Never has in 3 years. My son knows what kind of person my EX is. He knows he is second to his daddys new girlfriend. And have allowed my son to deal with his emotions. I have told him he can call or text his dad anytime he wants but he won't because he feels that his dad won't respond. My son also has his own phone so he can do it in privacy but choses not to.


Quoting gr8d8n3mom:

I know your mama protection for your kids is telling you to protect your kids sooner than later. Your kids have a right to see their dad, no matter how you feel about him.(or when or if he is going to stop seeing them and or hurt them down the road) If you have a court order, I'm really sorry, but you have to abide by it, or he can take u to court.

We as moms,want what is best for our kids, even when we know or see what may come in their future. Unfortunately, sometimes, we have to let the chips fall where they may. I was in your shoes. As much as it hurt me to see my girls go thru the "is dad coming this weekend" "will dad answer my call this time" I had to let it go, and let them go thru it. If you don't, u hit the nail on the head. Your son will blame you. I let things go with my girls until they became "age of election" in our state, (or if you feel your kids are in harms way, and it's documented) Kids are smarter than we think, and give them credit for. As much as it pains you, allow this, so your son knows you love him enough to see things thru his eyes.

Trust me. My girls knew who their father really was. I didn't say a negative word about him ever in our home. Our divorce was about him and me. I kept our kids out of it.


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jenking04
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:14 PM
I never talk negative about my EX infront of my kids. I tell them all the time that their daddy loves them but is unable to be a father right now. I have allowed my kids to grieve for their loss but knowing that a grown man has caused 2 innocent kids so much pain kills me. And the fact that he thinks its right. How can someone chose a new fling of only 3 weeks over his 2 kids?? It makes no sence to me.


Quoting dana63:

 Hi! I am sorry your going through this.. My twins father did this as well and I would simply document and after 90 days it was abandonment (in my state) and after awhile the courts took his rights and he still had to pay CS. My twins are 29 now and they knew it was their fathers choice (not mine) for not being in their life. I never lied to them or said anything nasty or negative to them about their father, I figured they would see it on their own.


Just answer any questions your children might have in a positive way and let them know that daddy loves them and he will see them when he can.


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dana63
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:06 PM

 

Quoting jenking04:

I never talk negative about my EX infront of my kids. I tell them all the time that their daddy loves them but is unable to be a father right now. I have allowed my kids to grieve for their loss but knowing that a grown man has caused 2 innocent kids so much pain kills me. And the fact that he thinks its right. How can someone chose a new fling of only 3 weeks over his 2 kids?? It makes no sence to me.


Quoting dana63:

 Hi! I am sorry your going through this.. My twins father did this as well and I would simply document and after 90 days it was abandonment (in my state) and after awhile the courts took his rights and he still had to pay CS. My twins are 29 now and they knew it was their fathers choice (not mine) for not being in their life. I never lied to them or said anything nasty or negative to them about their father, I figured they would see it on their own.


Just answer any questions your children might have in a positive way and let them know that daddy loves them and he will see them when he can.


 No it dont make any sense to any of us but they do it!  My sons had breast cancer (both of them) at 17 and their father wouldn't even call them or help with their medical.. He was too busy with his younger child (who he stated was his pride and joy) over his two 1st born.  But at the end of the day it will be him that Karma will bite in the butt. My twins half brother (another one) found them on a social site and as their father kids gets older they will want to know their brothers and their father will be "mud" in all their eyes and he will be a very lonely man at the end.. That circle always tend to connect at the end..

gr8d8n3mom
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:12 PM

I really do feel for you. I had full custody of my girls, and had our DD read that my X had "very liberal visitation" but if the parties didn't agree, (then it spelled out every other weekend etc) I wanted to make sure my X had the opportunity to spend as much time w/the girls as he wanted. (they were lucky if he spent every 3 months once a weekend, & he lived in the same town as we did)- So I really do understand. 

Then @ one point when my youngest was 15 he wanted to do 50/50 so she lived with him 50% of the time and me 50% of the time(keep in mind he was still not seeing her eowe) I still agreed, I wanted her to have a good relationship with her dad, @ this point she had such a little relationship. We went thru the courts, attys, I agreed on it all(he got her on the time she wasn't in school b/c he didn't live in our school dist.) just before we were to go to court to get it all final, he called me and said, forget it.  He didn't want her 50% of the time. Leave it all alone just like it is!  so I know how you feel. I'm so glad both my girls are over 18 now!


Quoting jenking04:

We have a court order but he never follows it. Never has in 3 years. My son knows what kind of person my EX is. He knows he is second to his daddys new girlfriend. And have allowed my son to deal with his emotions. I have told him he can call or text his dad anytime he wants but he won't because he feels that his dad won't respond. My son also has his own phone so he can do it in privacy but choses not to.


Quoting gr8d8n3mom:

I know your mama protection for your kids is telling you to protect your kids sooner than later. Your kids have a right to see their dad, no matter how you feel about him.(or when or if he is going to stop seeing them and or hurt them down the road) If you have a court order, I'm really sorry, but you have to abide by it, or he can take u to court.

We as moms,want what is best for our kids, even when we know or see what may come in their future. Unfortunately, sometimes, we have to let the chips fall where they may. I was in your shoes. As much as it hurt me to see my girls go thru the "is dad coming this weekend" "will dad answer my call this time" I had to let it go, and let them go thru it. If you don't, u hit the nail on the head. Your son will blame you. I let things go with my girls until they became "age of election" in our state, (or if you feel your kids are in harms way, and it's documented) Kids are smarter than we think, and give them credit for. As much as it pains you, allow this, so your son knows you love him enough to see things thru his eyes.

Trust me. My girls knew who their father really was. I didn't say a negative word about him ever in our home. Our divorce was about him and me. I kept our kids out of it.




jenking04
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:14 PM
My EX has NEVER been there when my kids have been in the hospital and he has never helped with medical bills even though our divorce decree states that all medical bills should be split 50/50. I have paid all medical bills out of pocket. I even paid the remaneing balance of my OB bill from when I was pregnant with DD. We were still married at the time so he should have helped paid but once he kicked me out 9 months pregnant with a 5 year old he decided he didn't have to pay any more. Its been 3 years.


Quoting dana63:

 


Quoting jenking04:

I never talk negative about my EX infront of my kids. I tell them all the time that their daddy loves them but is unable to be a father right now. I have allowed my kids to grieve for their loss but knowing that a grown man has caused 2 innocent kids so much pain kills me. And the fact that he thinks its right. How can someone chose a new fling of only 3 weeks over his 2 kids?? It makes no sence to me.



Quoting dana63:


 Hi! I am sorry your going through this.. My twins father did this as well and I would simply document and after 90 days it was abandonment (in my state) and after awhile the courts took his rights and he still had to pay CS. My twins are 29 now and they knew it was their fathers choice (not mine) for not being in their life. I never lied to them or said anything nasty or negative to them about their father, I figured they would see it on their own.



Just answer any questions your children might have in a positive way and let them know that daddy loves them and he will see them when he can.



 No it dont make any sense to any of us but they do it!  My sons had breast cancer (both of them) at 17 and their father wouldn't even call them or help with their medical.. He was too busy with his younger child (who he stated was his pride and joy) over his two 1st born.  But at the end of the day it will be him that Karma will bite in the butt. My twins half brother (another one) found them on a social site and as their father kids gets older they will want to know their brothers and their father will be "mud" in all their eyes and he will be a very lonely man at the end.. That circle always tend to connect at the end..


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happinessforyou
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:16 PM

I just wish people whouldn't have kids with people that they ALREADY KNOW ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS! They don't change: there are just more heartbroken children in the world.

Just be the best mom you can be, if he shows he shows. :(

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