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My husband doesn't trust me, he is beyond jealous!

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 My husband doesn't trust me. He has been cheated on before and thinks I'll cheat on him if he doesn't protect me from other men? He demands to have all my passwords to everything. I can't go to the gym alone, I am not to work where there are a lot of men. ETC. I have proved myself time and time again. I can't take it anymore! I have kept things from him because I was afraid of him overreacting so I am at fault as well. Can a relationship really last without trust??

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:28 PM
Replies (21-30):
mich.el.le
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:40 PM

Probably not. If you want to save your marriage you need to have a serious talk with him and get in counseling. He needs to get over this and stop blaming you for past girlfriends.

boredmom47265
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 Trust is key, and yes it can last. Let him snoop. If you're never doing wrong, then he can't find anything. I partly understand his issues (but not knowing the whole thing) just keep letting him know he can trust you. Try not to get overly mad unless he's being stupid. DH and I both started out with trust issues, it will be 14 years in 7 days, and I pray for 60 more. He is my best friend and my worst, I love him and love to hate him sometimes. We read eachothers mail (always funny) talk about everything under the sun, fight, argue, disagree, say I love you at least 10 times a day, and don't go to bed angry.

Quoting cherryblsm1:

Yes I have all of his passwords. What really weighs heavy on me is that he is a very good husband minus the jealousy. He is everything I ever wanted in a mate. I have asked him to consider counseling. He doesn't really believe in that. I think I can convince him to go. I am not happy and he knows that. I have told him before I am growing resentful towards him because of the lack of trust and him constantly making me second guess anything I do! I am a good wife to him, he knows that. He is so afraid to lose me. That is what he says.

 

cherryblsm1
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I agree, thank you. I will be setting up an appointment soon.

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM

My DH's ex-wife cheated on him multiple times, got pregnant with another man and then aborted, had an affair with another man and then left my DH to marry the other guy. DH has admitted he has some mild jealousy issues, understandably, but not to the extent that you described. We both have full access to eachothers accounts if we want them, we both don't drink alcohol without the other around (unless it's just one drink with a meal), we don't spend time one-on one with people of the opposite gender (excluding mandatory business meetings). That stuff I feel is reasonable but not being able to go to the gym alone is overboard. You really need couples counseling IMO.

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:10 PM

no. realationships are built on trust... no trust no foundation...

you really need to work out the trust issues or you are in trouble

winterglow
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Have you told him how offensive, how insulting, how belittling his assumption that you will cheat if he doesn't make sure you don't really is?

There are three cornerstones that are absolutely necessary to any relationship (working, friends, couples, etc.) and those are communication, trust and respect. If you don't have those, your relationship will crumble. He is not jealous, he is controlling. He is trying to control you to an extent that youi cannot live your life freely and have to hide things for fear of his reaction - this is NOT normal. Sooner or later, he's going to stop you seeing your friends and  family because they might be "a bad influence on you".

I think that, if I were in your shoes, I would be very close to giving him an ultimatum - get help or I'm out of here...

Good luck.

Two_Hearts
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this 100%. 

Me and my SO have had rocky relationships in the past ...especially the most recent one's and we still keep communication open and try our best to take our old feelings and not let them come into our relationship. It's worked wonder's for us...

It doesn't sound like he is willing to see that you are a different person.

Quoting pasteeater:

 I doubt that it will work.  That's not jealousy.  That's control and it's abusive.  You shouldn't have to live like that.  I'm sorry to sound so mean, but I don't think any good will come of it.


Arwyn724
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Whether it's trust or control, was he like this before you married him?  If so, what made you think he'd change?  If he wasn't like this before, then he needs to get some help for his issues (these are not you're doing).  If he doesn't I'd seriously consider if a life like that is worth it.

Arwyn 724 

LABELmeCUTE
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Nothing good will come from this
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justahousewife
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:07 AM
I think a little jealousy is healthy but that sounds like a need for a therapist. Paranoia is never a good thing.
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