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dh doesnt love our daughter anymore ****UPDATE****

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:58 PM
  • 64 Replies

  well thats how things have been feeling.dh is step dad to my daughter ( shes four about to be five), hes always loved her so much he even got her name tattooed on himself.but we recently had a baby together (shes a month old) and since her birth dh pays no attention to my first born, he lays in bed holding the baby until he goes to work. hes so great with her. but whenever my first walks in he yells at her to get out of the room, or is always scolding her for things that he shouldn't be. for example today she came in the bedroom to just say "i love you" which she does a 100x  a day. he said "idc get out Margie go watch t.v." and she started being all upset asking for him to come out and watch it with her and he starts yelling for her to just get out... this is only one example of his behavior. it has been so bad even HIS parents have pointed out his behavior to him... he doesn't deny it he just says "ill work on it" or blames it on work saying hes stressed...  well i think if that was the case he would be that way with everyone. but hes only like this with her, hes even treating me better then he ever has, it feels like hes trying to push my daughter out of our family. and idk what to do, i have tried talking to him, but nothing changes. or it will for 5 min, then he starts up again. any advise ladies, im so lost, im afraid i will have to leave him if he doesn't change.

 

**UPDATE**

well yesterday i told dh that i wanted to go for a drive (he has a tendancy to walk away when i say things that bother him) this way he had nowhere to go but to listen,

i told him i will no longer tolerate his actions towards dd1  and that if he didn't change his ways i would leave and never look back. i told him that if he needed someone to talk to then we could do counseling or anything he needed, and so on and so fourth.. i went on for about 20 minutes putting him in place and standing my ground, and in all our time together ive never seen him cry. until the very moment i mentioned leaving him.  i finally asked what he thought and felt about all i had just said, and he explained that he didn't love her any less, and that he still loved her like his own. but that he was just in a new "shock and awe" kinda place with this "new and shiny baby"  he never got to experience a new born before and just got caught up in and and lost his way. but he said that he will change and begged me to not leave him.  and i am glad to say that he has in fact gone back to the wonderful dad he was to dd1 and finally woke up and realized all he had to loose, he seems very genuine when hes playing with dd1 or reading her a book, i even saw him sitting at her little tea table having a tea party :), so thank you ladies for all your great advice, but don't worry my eyes and ears are still peeled and have no problem leaving if he even thinks about acting like that again. so thank you again ladies :)

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RandiBear
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:03 PM
4 moms liked this

Family therapy. He may not be willing to go for it, but basically what you have is a combined family now. If this is his first child, it's kind of normal for him to want to be with the baby all the time, but he shouldn't exclude your daughter. It's something you will all have to work on as a family.

MrsSexyCurtains
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:04 PM
8 moms liked this
Honestly, if It's already affecting her, I'd leave. There's no way I'd stay with someone who's going to treat my child like garbage. You're right, he's pushing her away and that's wrong of him to do that. She will resent you if you choose to stay with his behavior like that towards her. Good luck mama.
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JulyBabies
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:04 PM

That is not acceptable, as you are well aware. I am glad he has been confronted about it and not just by you. If this continues, I would demand he speak to someone about it. I can understand different feelings for his biological child, but he can not treat them differently.

SoKamele
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:04 PM
Consueling....or you need to leave
ctfirsttimemom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:06 PM

 How long have you guys been together?

activitymode
by Coolest person ever! on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:07 PM
2 moms liked this
That's sad and inexcusable behavior. He either stops or you leave.
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inkedmommy1414
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:11 PM

 

three years. her bio dad isnt in the picture so he is all the daddy she has ever known


Quoting ctfirsttimemom:

 How long have you guys been together?


 

connorsmommy120
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:11 PM

Tell him that he either stops now, or you're leaving. 

kansasmom1978
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I will be honest. My stepson was 6 when ds was born. And all of a sudden I had this baby that was mine. I will admit I put the baby first. And ashamed to admit I loved ds more. It does not make it right, but I would not say it's not usual. I would say talk to dh about it. Suggest counseling. 

Bax
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't you ask him if he ever loved her or was it all an act? And whether if you have a boy will this child will also be tossed aside? 

You don't have to believe that stuff but maybe it will shock him into looking at his behavior. (I doubt it, I think he's drawn a line; one that is going to force you into choosing between dd and dh).

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