Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Loving an addict one heart break at a time

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:59 PM
  • 11 Replies

So yesterday I posted about my struggles with trying to help my SO through some of his hurdles and pushing him along a little bit. Every time I try to help he pushes me away and it causes a fight. You all told me I was being too clingy, that I was putting too much pressure on him and told me to back off. So SO and I had a long talk and I told him I'd support him no matter what and although it would kill me I wouldn't interfere and I'd let him do things on his own terms.

well today was my day off we had plans to spend the day together and then have a nice date night after I got a babysitter. Well plans changed I ended up driving 3 hrs north to visit my father in the hospital (brain surgery) SO went to the beach and hung out with some buddies while I was gone. By the time I was done at the hospital date night was a bust but I told him to come over anyways and we'd just stay in tonight. He replied saying he couldn't, he had drank too much and no one would let him drive.

Dissapointing, frustrated, discouraged and heart broken. I really love this man, but he won't accept my help or help himself. The one time I back off and let him do it on his own and he gets drunk and can't get himself home.

come on girls, what do I do here, how do I handle this? I have myself and my child to think of, and although he's a perfect angel when were together I have to be able to trust him when he's gone!

do you think he really wants to quit and get better and fix his life or is he just telling me what I want to hear. He told me it would never happen again, but I can help but wonder how many times he's said that before and to how many different people...

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:52 PM
I think since you are a mom you should let this guy go. A kid deserves better.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:22 AM
I wouldn't stay with the guy, especially if I wasn't married to him and he showed no motivation toward getting help.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:09 AM

Yeah hes seeming that way, when we met he was over everything, it seemed, and just still attended the meetings for safe measures which i was fine with, but it seems nothings really in his past at all.

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:12 AM

addiction is a very difficult thing to cope with and you can help a person who wants to be helped you cant force it. with that said if i were you would find out where a aa meeting is offer to help and support him. if he refuse your help than you have to make some decisions make for your and child sake. Addiction is a very one sided, blind, and selfish thing.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:15 PM
I replied to the other post. It sounded like he was working on his addiction in a way that worked for him (daily meetings) but this post doesn't sound like he is. I had suggested going to Al-A-Non meetings as it might help you understand things better which might help you make the right choice for you and your family. I stand by that suggestion.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Sometimes people have slip ups. I would talk to him and let him know that I am disappointed and that I need to be able to trust him being alone without slipping up, but I wouldn't call it quits over a slip up. Explain to him the pain that he causes the family when he does things like that and why he needs to get better control of himself, if he goes to hang out with his friends and theres alcohol around, he needs to turn around and leave until he gets a better handle on staying in control. But, I would also let him know that I still love him and want him to keep trying. Maybe he would do better if he went to a facility, so he can get better without being around influences?

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:29 PM

He has to want to quit and sometimes people need to cut the negative influences out of their life aka his buddies he was dh is a recovering drug addict and his so called friends always tried to push him into doing drugs and while it is his fault for doing it, I think if you were someone's real friend you would wanna see your friend get out of rehab and do good not try to get them high. For my dh being sober ment changing his whole lifestyle , he made new friends got a new job and let his past go . If he doesn't want to change his lifestyle then I don't think he's serious about wanting to quit. 

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:52 PM
I wouldn't be with an addict, recovering or otherwise. It's not something I would want in my life, especially now that I have a child. I think you should walk away.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Run for the Hills.   You need to put yourself and your child first.   You have one child, do you really want to take care of another, much larger one?     You can't fix him.     He has to fix himself.

by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:57 PM
Run like hell. Been there done that. It really isnt worth everything you put in
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)