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Child abuse issue with a friend.. need advice but please don't bash

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An old friend of mine that I've known for years (since 2004 when her oldest twins were born) has had a lot of issues with cps ranging from abuse, to neglect, and child endagerment. Everytime everything was unfounded.

Recently her eldest of the twins went to his teacher and confessed to her the "abuse" he was getting from his mother and his 2 brothers were dealing with. They were able to verify this was true due to a couple bruises but it was undetermined where the bruises actually came from since he knees were skinned up. So cps was at her door once again following up and doing their investigation. My friend got fed up with it and told them they could only contact her via email and than later took it back and said they could only talk to her lawyer. Somehow or another she threatened to put her children in military school and it was obviously an empty threat - she can barely afford to buy their medications let alone put them in anything other than public schools.

So from what I've been told, they decided to proceed with child abuse charges and she went into court and was told of her plea bargin deal which is pleading guilty to 1 account of child abuse and the other 2 would be dropped. She would have supervised visitation, a fine, and now a criminal record which she's never had.

Well my friend said she wanted to take it to trial as she did not feel this was a fair deal and started asking me to be a character witness. Now before I can say yes or no to this, I understand I could get a subpeana either way but I'm on the fence about it because I refuse to lie on the stand so it wouldn't really help her and once I say no, it's almost a guarantee the prosecution will ask and if i still say no, that's where the subpeana could come into play.

I'm soo on the fence about this as she is a friend but her children do not deserve the hell she's put them thru. So I'm just asking what would you do? Stand up for the defense or the prosecution and know either way, it won't help my friend?


Follow me over to my group for Neonates, Baby think it over, realcare, and reborn! Collectors welcomed! Click the Pic!

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:11 AM
Replies (11-20):
Mrskingman
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:50 AM

Previous child abuse charges ranged from excessive spanking (which is what I called about), overdosed medication which is unfounded and the hospital reported her but the dr wrote the prescription and the child wasn't overdosed, he was having a severe allergic reaction to it, Another incident was about the skin condition her youngest has (rosasia?sp?) but the person that reported her didn't know what it was and thought the child was being medically neglected.


Now on the calls I made, it was because I witnessed whooping her child at age 3 with a belt and a paddle, also saw him spanked with a peice of dangling fence that he broke off. To me it was excessive but was unfounded due to no bruising. This allegation that is current is due to her son speaking up about what was going on and I'm not sure what the truth is that happened, but I know there was bruising and she made threats to cps regarding her children. Kind of a sticky situation


Follow me over to my group for Neonates, Baby think it over, realcare, and reborn! Collectors welcomed! Click the Pic!

demonica29
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

How is this even a question?  You're actually asking whether to tell the truth or Perot yourself to protect a child abuser?

TheMrs407
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this
You have made multiple calls, someone else has called, the school has called, the hospital has called to me this doesn't look good for her. Do you honestly believe they are safe with her? You need to put these kids before your friendship.
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Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Okay, I actually get exactly where your coming from because I know a girl like this who is my "friend". I have taken her kids in, called cps, etc. and so far cps has done nothing. All three of her kids have different dads and they have all called cps as well because of things the kids tell them. She does thing like squirt vinegar in their mouth until they have thrown up when they "sass talk" (i.e. saying no, calling names, etc.). The kids are never clean and their clothes never fit. They constantly smell like cigarettes and one has such bad asthma that he has been hospitalized for it before. All three have had major injuries due to not being watched, she does spanking though I don't know the severity because she has never really done it around me. My favorite is she leaves them with anyone who will baby-sit, even if she doesn't know them. She moves guys in within weeks of dating, including a guy who was a registered sex offender.

Point is, I would be torn here too because what happens if you testify and she gets her kids back anyways? Then your not even there to try and help protect them... I am in this boat with her. If something happened I would take her kids in a heartbeat, but me and my mom do A LOT for them. We buy them all their school supplies, all their Christmas presents, etc. so it would be hard to risk losing that, especially with no guarantee from cps that those kids would be safe.
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kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Tell her you're but gonna lie so keeping your name out may be best
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Mrskingman
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:27 AM
See people saying i'm trying to stand up for an abuser or trying to protect a friendship but it's very obvious that she's fucked either way I go but I need to which side of the fence will make the same testimony be more effective because at the end of the day,I am protecting her children. But a judge will be listening to everything so if I testify on her side and tell the truth, would it be more damaging than testifying on the prosecution with the same statement
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Due9
by your-bff on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Friend or no friend, child abuse is NOT okay. I would have to tell the truth. If you've seen her abuse the kids, be honest and tell them. I could never continue a friendship with someone who abused children anyway.

Mrskingman
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:31 AM
I am very worried but it's more about being reassured that what I say will have an impact enough to get the verdict those kids deserve and that could greatly depend on which side I testify for because the truth won't change either way

Quoting Mommy4-27-08:

Okay, I actually get exactly where your coming from because I know a girl like this who is my "friend". I have taken her kids in, called cps, etc. and so far cps has done nothing. All three of her kids have different dads and they have all called cps as well because of things the kids tell them. She does thing like squirt vinegar in their mouth until they have thrown up when they "sass talk" (i.e. saying no, calling names, etc.). The kids are never clean and their clothes never fit. They constantly smell like cigarettes and one has such bad asthma that he has been hospitalized for it before. All three have had major injuries due to not being watched, she does spanking though I don't know the severity because she has never really done it around me. My favorite is she leaves them with anyone who will baby-sit, even if she doesn't know them. She moves guys in within weeks of dating, including a guy who was a registered sex offender.

Point is, I would be torn here too because what happens if you testify and she gets her kids back anyways? Then your not even there to try and help protect them... I am in this boat with her. If something happened I would take her kids in a heartbeat, but me and my mom do A LOT for them. We buy them all their school supplies, all their Christmas presents, etc. so it would be hard to risk losing that, especially with no guarantee from cps that those kids would be safe.
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Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:32 AM
If she is going to court she should have a lawyer, maybe you could ask them? Honestly, either side you testify on isn't going to look great but just tell the truth and tell your friend beforehand that your not going to lie for her.


Quoting Mrskingman:

See people saying i'm trying to stand up for an abuser or trying to protect a friendship but it's very obvious that she's fucked either way I go but I need to which side of the fence will make the same testimony be more effective because at the end of the day,I am protecting her children. But a judge will be listening to everything so if I testify on her side and tell the truth, would it be more damaging than testifying on the prosecution with the same statement

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TS9509
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM
I would stand up for the children.
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