Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Need more advice please!

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:08 PM
  • 29 Replies
I do a live-in separation with my ex husband..meaning i live upstairs and he lives in the suite. We have been separated for 5 years..doing this arrangement which is working great. The kids know mom and Dad are not a couple..but we get along great..co-parent like pros and each have our freedom to do what we want. I met a man about 6 months ago and fell in love. My new love has met my kids, parents etc. My new love seemed fine with my arrangement at first. I explained to him that this arrangment is financially feasible for us as we are low income, keeps a nice roof over the kids heads and doesnt disrupt their lives. Alot of people do live-in separations with great success. However, it seems my new love is pressuring me to make other plans..such as me move out on my own. I am a stay at home mother being supported by my ex..kids are young..personally i would struggle and my kids would ultimately suffer. He is suddenly not as understanding as he used to be. Now..i have been honest with him from the start and told him my situation is not going to change anytime soon. I have a feeling that i wont ever be able to have a decent relationship because no man will be secure enough to deal with this. Your thoughts please?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:08 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
TraceyMR
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:11 PM

Personally, I would not deal with that. He sounds insecure and jealous. He is pressuring to change and make life harder for your family for his peace of mind. That does not sound very fair.

needadvice1983
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:39 PM
4 moms liked this

That sounds like a very hard siuation. Unless he were ready to marry you and move you into his home he shouldn't be demanding you change your living arrangements. You were upfront with him. He can't say he didn't know. If he can't handle your living situation and you aren't at the marrying stage yet, either he mans up and lets it go or you need to let him go and find someone who is actually understanding. Not someone who just "says" they are understanding.

babyspots17
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I am going to try and not sound to judgmental so forgive me I am pretty blunt usually. I am guessing all your children are in school correct? Have you been taking steps to become financially independent like going to college or working at least part-time? I am guessing if he has met all your family you guys are at least semi-serious correct? Have you discussed the future with your ex-husband how long is he willing to support you? Is he seeing anyone? What will happen if he meets someone and it becomes serious? You are in a really tough spot I commend you for being able to co-parent so well and even live together while being divorced but you should really think about your future.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mrsfarr
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 11:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Either he's ok with your situation or he isn't. It's that simple. He can't expect you to up end your children and their lives and you shouldn't let him unless he's willing to step up and assume some sort of responsibility.
Of course, on his side, maybe he feels like no matter how serious the two of you get, you'll be living with your ex and not willing to move on because of convenience.
Have you asked him why he feels you should move out or what his expectations for your relationship are?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
carolina_gal
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:17 AM

 This...

Quoting TraceyMR:

Personally, I would not deal with that. He sounds insecure and jealous. He is pressuring to change and make life harder for your family for his peace of mind. That does not sound very fair.

 

christina0607
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:22 AM
3 moms liked this

Well..can you blame him? 

Honestly it sounds like at the moment you have a lot of baggage. I wouldn't be ok dating a man who is financially dependant on his ex wife...and lives with her. 

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:43 AM
I think it's awesome that you and ex have made it work! I can see where the new is coming from but unless he's wanting to marry you, I see no reason to change anything. I think it's selfish of him to suggest it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Due9
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Honestly, I don't think many people would be secure enough to know their partner is living with an ex. You can't really blame your boyfriend for feeling this way. However, you have to do what you think is best and if it cannot be worked out, the relationship should end.

trainlady
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:29 PM

Your exhusband seems to be okay with it so there are men in this world that would be okay with it. The one you are involved with right now is not going to take this and if you give in to him and move the kids and get into a place where you have no money what happens when this guy leaves you? Stay where you are at for the kids sake and your own. There are more men in this world and you will find one that your situation works out with and then you can make a move. For right now you have security and comfort for you and the kids, don't give it up for someone that is too immature to recognize a good thing when he sees it.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 1:33 PM

Does he have kids?

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)