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am I being selfish or over emotional?

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:03 AM
  • 89 Replies
2 moms liked this

Dh and I have started marriage counseling. Our counselor told him today that he should make an effort to spend time with me and that we need to do things together as a family and as a couple. He agreed in front of her.

I texted him at work today and told him I was going to buy a bottle of wine and we could talk when I got home and maybe watch a movie. He agreed that we would do this and I also told him was going to get our girls something small for V Day. I got them each a stuffed animal for $3 each, nothing much b/c I'm not big into V Day and they are too young to understand it.

He texted me at 10pm and told me to wake him up if he was asleep when I got home, so I did. He then got mad that I got our girls something and told me he was not coming out the room and was going back to sleep. 

I feel like I am just in his way or that I am just a paycheck for him and he only needs me when he has 'needs' that need to be met.

Am I looking into this too much or would you be upset if your DH did this to you? By the way, he does this every night. I am always ignored. He would rather play video games or sleep that be around me.



***Thank you ladies for helping feel like I am  not going crazy with my emotions. He came to me, without me prompting him, and apologized. I am still going to keep working on trying to get him to do stuff with me. We both have a lot of bad habits to break and so I hope he will keep going with me to counseling to get this resolved.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
doulala
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:06 AM
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When do you two have alone time available, on weekends?        Setting a time ahead, well in advance might help.   You two do need to talk it sounds like.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:07 AM
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No I would be annoyed. I don't think anyone would be happy being woken up but I think there comes a point and time when you put what you want (sleep) aside for the better of your marriage. ESP a marriage.

W that being said why doesn't he work and have you brought up those feelings to the counselor??

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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Do you both have jobs?   I would be upset as well almost like he forgot the texting.  I would try to do more calling than texting since voices will stick in the memory more than words.

Tammileebell
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:11 AM
4 moms liked this
People can become so complacent sometimes. I think you need to seriously shake things up..together as a team. It takes two to make things work. He needs to man up and put in the effort! You need to make plans in advance so he knows there will be no sleeping. Oh ..and when his "needs" need to be met..maybe you should be asleep.
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lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:12 AM
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I work a swing shift so sometimes setting a time is not an option. Lately, I am usually home by 10:30pm and he is up and on the computer. I figured since he is up already, why not spend time together. 

Quoting doulala:

When do you two have alone time available, on weekends?        Setting a time ahead, well in advance might help.   You two do need to talk it sounds like.



boshs1andonly
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:12 AM

I agree (with the being unhappy at woken up), but as you said at some point you have to do what you have to for your marriage. At some point I told myself, I can lose sleep for dd, I can lose it for dh too. So when a few days goes by that we haven't spent much time together, I stay up late and watch a movie with him, just spend time together. OP I'd be annoyed too, you already made plans and he told you to wake him up so that's what you did.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

No I would be annoyed. I don't think anyone would be happy being woken up but I think there comes a point and time when you put what you want (sleep) aside for the better of your marriage. ESP a marriage.

W that being said why doesn't he work and have you brought up those feelings to the counselor??


ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this
that stinks
lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:15 AM
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I thought that if he is that sleepy, then just tell me you are too tired to be awake when I get home. He is usually up at 10:30pm anyway and on a game. For some reason tonight he had to be asleep. I think he was trying to avoid me all together. He is waiting for the Navy to accept him, he has been through all the testing and physical stuff and waiting on a response.

Our session today was about how he doesn't have anything to do with me.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

No I would be annoyed. I don't think anyone would be happy being woken up but I think there comes a point and time when you put what you want (sleep) aside for the better of your marriage. ESP a marriage.

W that being said why doesn't he work and have you brought up those feelings to the counselor??



lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:16 AM


I have the only job right now, and he is waiting on his acceptance into the Navy. I was at work, so I thought a text would be better.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Do you both have jobs?   I would be upset as well almost like he forgot the texting.  I would try to do more calling than texting since voices will stick in the memory more than words.



lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:18 AM
2 moms liked this


I think I am going to take your advice and next time he 'needs' need to be met, I will refuse or go to bed.

Quoting Tammileebell:

People can become so complacent sometimes. I think you need to seriously shake things up..together as a team. It takes two to make things work. He needs to man up and put in the effort! You need to make plans in advance so he knows there will be no sleeping. Oh ..and when his "needs" need to be met..maybe you should be asleep.



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