So, because I've been having trouble with feeling depressed, under appreciated, and ignored, I told him that he needed to do something nice for me this week. It didn't need to be on the 14th. I told him because I know he wouldn't have done anything if I didn't say it. I told him how I felt.
I had two rules: no chocolate and no flowers. I later added no Valentine's Day card. I didn't want this to be about V Day. I wanted it to be about me.
And as if to just shove in my face everything that is wrong right now, how I feel like he never listens to me and expects me to just handle it all, he got me truffles (I'm borderline diabetic after our daughter and trying so hard to lose the 30lbs I still have) and a gift certificate to a cheap massage place. I have to book the appointment. I felt so dejected. I don't need a gift card. I have a flippin' credit card for cripes sake. If I could book my own massage, I would have by now!
But I'm too busy raising our daughter. I have no family nearby, no friends. I'm too busy make him special treats like crepes and homemade Chocolate Chip Calzones. Leaving him notes that say things like You are loved.
I feel like he doesn't listen to me on a daily basis. I'm not even sure I love him anymore. I'm exhausted all the time and so depressed I'd be thinking about suicide if I didn't have to live for my daughter. I've told him so many times. And nothing.
Who can I turn to when I can't even count on my partner? I feel betrayed. From bloody chocolates. Special truffles. Because he can't listen to the words coming out of my mouth.