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I am about to lose my mind. *UPDATE 2-21, it got way worse**

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:52 AM
  • 50 Replies

Let me start by saying i am so tired i could pass out. my head hurts, eyes hurt, i am so exhausted. i am up all night with my newborn. getting no sleep at all except an hour or so. I just had a baby 5 days ago. My husband's parents are here to help me. They just went to a hotel because my mom just got here and they wanted to give her the guest room. My mom is being selfish and is constantly being sarcastic about every thing. I mean, I have never seen anything like this. She is usually sarcastic and thinks it is really funny but doesn't realize she is rude and no one is laughing. Since she has been here (just one day so far) she has called my dd (1 year old) a piglet, octopus, naughty, a little monkey, etc. so basically just really negative and cannot help but call her names. She isn't helpful at all with my kids. She keeps doing odd things in front if my husbands parents, whom she just met for the first time today. They are super modest, quiet, simple people. They don't crack jokes or talk a lot. They are very, very reserved. I told my mom this many times just to give her an idea if their personality. So she meets them today and right off the bat, starts with sarcastic remarks about her my dd (they're granddaughter), we went all went or dinner and she starts dancing in the car to some to some song in a really silly way while his parents are looking like wth is she doing, we drive by a tattoo place and she says, "okay let's all get tattoos and body piercings", she takes forever to order from the menu and hold everyone up because she can't decide ( she has always been so difficult to deal with. Nothing is ever easy with her). She is attention-seeking so bad it is making me cringe. My husband's parents probably think she is crazy. This is really just a few things and I can't type it all. I am really upset that my mom is acting like this. She knows I am really sensitive about his parents because they didn't want him to marry me because I am not of their culture. I am exhausted, overtired from staying up all night with newborn. How can she do this? 


UPDATE BELOW::

My mom has been progressively getting worse as the days pass. She is not helping me with the kids and she barely spends time with them. Mind you, we paid for her plane ticket ($500) to come here and see her new grandchild and also her other grandkids. She pouts over every little thing. Huffs and puffs about everything. Is very sarcastic about everything. I have tried to get along with her but it is so hard. I feel like she is just picking at me and trying to make me explode. Well, finally I just told her today that I cannot stand to be around her because she is so negative and she's not helping me. I told her she is not understanding of how tired I am because I just had a baby 6 days ago and also I stay up all night with a newborn. Her response, "Oh yeah, we've heard all about how tired you are all day long. You should have thought about that before you decided to have 3 kids." She is very sarcastic and rude. She has decided to leave our house today. She has all of her bags packed and is waiting for the rental car people to pick her up. I have walked over to her and told her she doesn't have to go and we can try to have a good time the remaining days. She said she is not interested and she just wants to leave. I feel guilty now even though I am not the one that has caused this. Why do I feel so bad when she doesn't even care?

juggling

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RLT2
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:03 AM

First, congrats on your new baby!  As to your post, I didn't read anything that bad. Honestly, maybe it's the way you wrote it but your mom sounds fun. I don't really get why you're upset about her calling your daughter those "names". It sounds like silly names that anyone would call a little kid. Was she dancing sexy and skanky in the car or just having a laugh and enjoying herself? I'm sure you're nervous about the situation with your in laws but maybe you're being a little hard on your mom? Maybe your in laws need to just learn to accept her for herself. Again, I'm just going by what you wrote here.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I would kick her butt out of the house if she can not be a helpful positive force in the house.   I do not put up with that crap.  I even kicked people out of hospital room when i was giving birth to dd.

Marimaru
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:05 AM

Tell her it's time for her to leave.  Let your husband's parents come back if you want, but don't let anyone stay in the house that you don't want to.  You don't need extra stress right now.

Due9
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:07 AM

I am regretting her being here. Constant remarks, making a mess in the kitchen, not helping...it is really stressing me out. 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would kick her butt out of the house if she can not be a helpful positive force in the house.   I do not put up with that crap.  I even kicked people out of hospital room when i was giving birth to dd.


juggling

Schauseil
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:09 AM
tell her to leave
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Newfie_Mom
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:13 AM
I'm not going to assume she or her husband are of one of these cultures but some cultures find animal nicknames extremely offensive. This may not be the case here I don't know them but it was the case in mine. A family member of mine thought it was silly and cute not realizing it was extremely offensive to the in laws of another family member.

Not bashing or trying to be rude just throwing it out there.


Quoting RLT2:

First, congrats on your new baby!  As to your post, I didn't read anything that bad. Honestly, maybe it's the way you wrote it but your mom sounds fun. I don't really get why you're upset about her calling your daughter those "names". It sounds like silly names that anyone would call a little kid. Was she dancing sexy and skanky in the car or just having a laugh and enjoying herself? I'm sure you're nervous about the situation with your in laws but maybe you're being a little hard on your mom? Maybe your in laws need to just learn to accept her for herself. Again, I'm just going by what you wrote here.

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RLT2
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:16 AM

 

That's certainly possible. Nothing sounds that outrageous(maybe the tattoo thing) to me anyway, maybe it is a cultural thing. Good call.

Quoting Newfie_Mom:

I'm not going to assume she or her husband are of one of these cultures but some cultures find animal nicknames extremely offensive. This may not be the case here I don't know them but it was the case in mine. A family member of mine thought it was silly and cute not realizing it was extremely offensive to the in laws of another family member.

Not bashing or trying to be rude just throwing it out there.


Quoting RLT2:

First, congrats on your new baby!  As to your post, I didn't read anything that bad. Honestly, maybe it's the way you wrote it but your mom sounds fun. I don't really get why you're upset about her calling your daughter those "names". It sounds like silly names that anyone would call a little kid. Was she dancing sexy and skanky in the car or just having a laugh and enjoying herself? I'm sure you're nervous about the situation with your in laws but maybe you're being a little hard on your mom? Maybe your in laws need to just learn to accept her for herself. Again, I'm just going by what you wrote here.


 

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:05 AM

Tell her she is not needed at this time and you will keep in touch.   You being stressed is counterproductive to the whole bonding with baby process since they can feel your stress as well.


Quoting Due9:

I am regretting her being here. Constant remarks, making a mess in the kitchen, not helping...it is really stressing me out. 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would kick her butt out of the house if she can not be a helpful positive force in the house.   I do not put up with that crap.  I even kicked people out of hospital room when i was giving birth to dd.




shannzuno
by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 5:12 AM
She sounds like my mom. I had a brief period i was embaressed by her and things she did annoyed me. (Some still do) but i came to see she was fun, most people are pretty boring. I would never ask her to not be herself, as that would be a lie. And who cares if they think shes crazy. They arent marrying her. If shes not helping tell her you either need her help or need her to leave so you can get the help from the inlaws (politely).
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NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:08 AM
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Tell her clearly what the expectations are. "Mom i want to make a good impression on my inlaws and i asked you to be calm around them. Dancing in the car, calling the kids names, holding people up at dinner are all examples of things that you are doing which makes us uncomfortable. Is it possible for you to be calm around them or are you doing this because if your own nervousness? If you stay i need you to stop behaving in an attention seeking manner. This is my home and you are making me uncomfortable." When she started dancing in the car you should have said, "mom stop that and calm down" then apologize to the inlaws. Show them that you are uncomfortable too. If your mom acts like a child, treat her like one and stop her bad behavior. If she won't pick a menu item say, "the rest of us will order now and when we get to you mom maybe you will decide, if not order when you are ready and we can always take it home in a doggy bag to finish up there." Don't ever let her control the situation.
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