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Never read your medical chart.....

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Been passed around before but still good. 
>> 1)  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she 
>>      was hot in bed last night. 
>> 2)  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 
>> 3)  On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 
>> 4)  The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to 
           be depressed. 
>> 5)  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 
>> 6)  Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 
>> 7)  Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 
>> 8)  The patient refused autopsy. 
>> 9)  The patient has no previous history of suicides. 
>> 10) Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 
>> 11) Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with 
            only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days. 
>> 12) Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch 
>> 13) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 
>> 14) Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might 
            want to work her up. 
>> 15) She is numb from her toes down. 
>> 16) While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 
>> 17) The skin was moist and dry. 
>> 18) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 
>> 19) Patient was alert and unresponsive. 
>> 20) Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid. 
>> 21) She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, 
            until she got a divorce. 
>> 22) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 
>> 23) Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 
>> 24) Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 
>> 25) The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 
>> 26) The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job 
            as a stockbroker instead. 
>> 27) Skin: somewhat pale but present 
>> 28) The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 
>> 29) Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should 
            sit on the abdomen and I agree. 
>> 30) Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 
>> 31) Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 

by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:45 PM
Replies (11-18):
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Number 24 made me laugh so hard I almost started crying. Oh Gawd that was a good one!!!!!
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by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:29 PM
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:30 PM
Oh geez! Lol, I wonder what my charts have said.
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:34 PM
On one the charts the phrase "a year and a half" was mistakenly transcribed as "a urine a half". Lol
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by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:36 PM

"circus sized" lmao. 

by Rachel on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Lmao! I soooo needed this!
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by Rachel on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:52 PM
8 and 24 are the best, lol
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by Silver Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you, I sent these off to my son who's an EMT and working today in the middle of a really bad snowstorm, he may need a laugh or two before the day is over!

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