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Decisions, Decisions! Opinions/Thoughts Needed! Please and Thank you :)

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:10 AM
  • 6 Replies

My husband and I (well, really, just me) are trying to make a big decision! We've spent weeks talking about it and I really would just like some outside opinions. I know this is a decision we have to make, but still, some insight would be great. I wanted to post this on Facebook, but it's kind of personal and I didn't want everyone knowing.....then I thought, CAFEMOM, YES!

So, i'll start by saying we have been married for 7 years (March 9) and we have a 6 year old son and a 2 year old son. Now we're on the topic of having a third. Buuuut, there are so many pros and cons! We thought we were done with two children, so I went back to school and I will graduate in the fall and get a job. But if we have another, I will want to be a SAHM and be home with my baby for at least the first year. So instead of making more money and being able to go on vacations and stuff like that, we will now have student loans, baby bills, and still one income. My husband does make enough money for us to live, but we'll have to cut out those date night dinners every week and we'll have to learn to budget better if we want to have another child. My husband is basically begging me to go get my Mirena taken out on Monday, but I'm just having a hard time with this. I soooo want another baby, but for some reason i'm just being hesitant. I'm thinking, is it going to be difficult going from 2 to 3 kids? Will I be able to give enough attention to them all? Will we be okay financially? Am I ready for more sleepless nights? Am I going to college for nothing? Will we be as lucky to have another healthy child? Are 3 too many? I could go on and on with my questions, but I will stop now. Please, Cafemom strangers, give me some feedback!

P.S. I haven't been on Cafemom in years! Glad to be back :)

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:10 AM
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:50 AM
All i can say is going from three was a loy easier then one to two. We got a scheduled established fairly quick and its been pretty easy. My kiddos are 10,6 and 3.
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 2:11 AM

I have 3 children and I went to school while having 2 children and pregnant with my 3rd. I got 2 diplomas and I even was a teenage parent and finished high school. 

I think you can do this if you want. If you are going to be a sahm then I think it is a good thing because you will have time to do your homework and you can be a role model to your kids that just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you can't start or finish school.

I have 3 boys and it was so nice. Plus the age difference, they helped out a lot and my oldest always wanted to change the baby's diapers, unless of course they were dirty LOL. He wanted to feed him and even read him books and cook and everything. He even did this with his 1st younger brother. 

Decide what you think and go with that, tell him how you feel about it and what not and talk about it before jumping the gun. Tell eachother your expectations before jumping into this before it is time to have the baby so you both get on middle ground. 

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:45 AM

Thanks for the replies! I do plan to finish college, no matter what! I only have two quarters left. My point was with school is that I would finish and receive my medical receptionist certificate but wouldn't even do anything with it for a couple of years if I had a baby. I would need to stay home with my baby for at least the first year. I don't know why i'm having such a hard time deciding if I want another. I really really do, but I think what is getting me is that we had a plan to have another income and now that wont happen for a few years. And as i'm typing this, i'm realizing money isn't everything and I can eventually get a job and have our third child. My husband always said that he wanted a big family and I go baby crazy whenever I see my newborn nephew. Well, we'll see what we decide by Monday. Do get the Mirena out or not to get the Mirena out, that IS the question!

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:57 AM

 The only thing I ever regretted about having 3 kids was never having the fourth I always wondered about. Do what you feel in your heart.  =)

by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 12:47 PM

I'm going to offer this comment to provide a bit of balance. I will say first that I am an advocate of only children but that isn't the question here. So often I see people that are considering more children without being absolutely sure that it is what they want. The idea of babies can be so enticing but I think that every child should be ABSOLUTELY WANTED without any reservation and that baby urge sometimes passes of its own accord. My thought is that whenever this urge arises with some doubts that the best thing people can do is simply to wait a bit, six months, a year. In the OP's case I think you should finish your degree and then consider it. That will give you the advantage of being finished with your education and then you can, if you still wish to do so, have another child. Then during the time of your pregnancy and your year of staying home with the baby you could do some additional studies in your field, perhaps toward a more advanced degree or simply things that would add to your professional value. That would give you a good "reason" to present to potential employers and could defer your student loans for the time between your graduation and when you will seek employment.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:37 PM
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Are you religious? I would say to pray on it because that never leads me wrong. It is a tough decision becuase there are so many "what ifs". What if you had a child that wasn't healthy. Would you have the resources to deal with that? Can you provided the type of life for three kids that all your kids deserve? I am pregnant with number 2 right now, but dh does not want more. His main reason is that we could provide more for our current 2 children if we did not have more, but Im a firm beleiver that you will get what you are meant to have. 
I have gotten pregnant on birth control while having periods only once a year and then I have gotten pregnant on fertility meds. (14 pregnancies). In the end, I don't think its up to us, but it is something you can still plan for and think about. 

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