Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I cant get over the guilt and sadness about my mom. *Update 2-24. She blocked me*

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:59 PM
  • 34 Replies
1 mom liked this

She was supposed to stay with me for a week because I just had a baby. We bought her a plane ticket to come here. She was throwing fits and acting childish when she was in our home. She had her good moments but also bad moments. I felt like she wasn't really interested in spending time with her grandchildren. I finally had enough and couldn't control myself and told her she is a difficult person and selfish. I even told her I wish she would leave early. Well, she did leave our house early. I tried to convince her not to leave and even apologized to her. She was not interested at all in anything I had to say. I called her several times after she left and she wont answer the phone. I even texted her to come back to our house and dont go to a hotel. She responded by saying "No, definitely not".
She was acting really rude at our house but I feel so sad that I couldn't control myself and she ended up leaving. Sometimes I think I shouldve just sucked it up rather than speak out. Why cant I have a healthy relationship with my mom? I feel guilty and sad


Update-

I went onto Facebook today and realized that my mom not only unfriended me, but she BLOCKED me from Facebook. This was the only way for her to see pictures of her grandchildren. She and my sister go into an argument 2 months ago and they still aren't talking. But she never unfriended her from Facebook. So why just me? and why take the extra step to block me?

So she is not speaking with both of her daughters (me and my sister) and she blocked me from Facebook.

juggling

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:02 PM
4 moms liked this

You need serious counseling to understand the unhealthy dynamic of the relationship.   She is an adult and needs to control her behavior.   You are an adult and you can feel bad but you do not have to make it up to her or allow yourself to be stepped on.

Lovejjb
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:03 PM
im so sorry has it always been like that even in your teen age
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Due9
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:49 PM
Yes. She has always been so difficult and we were all afraid of her growing up. Even my dad was.

Quoting Lovejjb:

im so sorry has it always been like that even in your teen age
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mommytoeandb
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:55 PM
You need to realize that she is making bad choices. Setting boundaries is healthy.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
calsmom62
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:01 PM
Let it go. Having her there now is just adding to your stress with a new baby. Let some time pass and when contact does take place treat her respectfully but dont .let her control you or make you feel guilty(its a choice how you react) . I wouldn't visit her or have her visit until you can let her behavior roll off your back. Some people push our buttons and our reactions are their reward. When you change your behavior it changes the relationship dynamic. She will always be your mom, but you get to choose how to respond to her.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
KellBell0820
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:26 PM
This sounds like the relationship I have with my dad. I'm sorry, I know it sucks.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
FooLynRoo
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't feel too guilty - sounds like she shares a good part of the blame.

I hope things work out

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I know you were stressed new baby and a toddler and your inlaws there... and she was embaressing you... i remember your previous post. and I understand why you got upset with her but the fact is she is who she is and trying to change some one from who they are... rarely works out well.I'm sorry you are feeling bed.

Due9
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:41 PM
I shouldve tried to just accept her for who she is..but it's hard. But I see your point ans agree.

Quoting ditsyjo:

I know you were stressed new baby and a toddler and your inlaws there... and she was embaressing you... i remember your previous post. and I understand why you got upset with her but the fact is she is who she is and trying to change some one from who they are... rarely works out well.I'm sorry you are feeling bed.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
jhslove
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 9:53 PM
2 moms liked this

This. It sounds like your relationship with your mother is toxic. You cannot control her behavior, and you can't allow her choices to define your life or your level of happiness. You just had a baby what, a week ago? You should be focusing your time and energy on caring for yourself and your newborn, NOT machinating over your mom's issues. The fact that this is what you're most concerned about right now says a lot about the degree to which your mom is able to manipulate you, and that's not healthy.

Counseling might really help. It's hard--my mom has a very difficult relationship with her mother and two of her brothers, and it takes a lot of effort and intention to change these patterns. But it can be done.


Quoting frndlyfn:

You need serious counseling to understand the unhealthy dynamic of the relationship.   She is an adult and needs to control her behavior.   You are an adult and you can feel bad but you do not have to make it up to her or allow yourself to be stepped on.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)