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Just venting and wanting some opinions....... (long)

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:43 AM
  • 30 Replies

Ok, so dd's father and I split up finally after 5 long years of pure unhappiness. All we did was argue pretty much every day to every other day. There was no affection, no love shown, barely even talking as well. My plan for myself was to be single and stay single for 1-3 years at least. To at least just try and see where that road would take me. That plan didn't work out because I ended up meeting someone.

Upon meeting Neel, all I really wanted out of it was friendship. Obviously it went further and we ended up together. I am completely IN LOVE with him. He always keeps a smile on my face no matter what the situation may be. I honestly have never felt so much happiness and love in my life before in a relationship. Before Neel, I never wanted to get married. And now all I want is to be married to him. 

But, here's where the problems come in...... My parents basically flat out told me that if I end up with him that they will disown me. They told me they don't approve and this is without even meeting him or trying to get to know him first. They don't approve because of his race. He is East Indian. I honestly don't see a problem with it. It's not even about race for me. My heart is torn. I honestly feel ashamed of my parents because of the fact of when I was growing up, I was told to always respect people no matter their race, color of their skin, height, weight, etc. And now they're going against all of that and judging him just because of his race. I feel so bad. 

Right now I feel stuck. After me and my ex broke up I ended up having to move in with my parents. Now I'm trying to get back on my feet but I feel like I'm always going to be stuck at their house. I feel this way because alll my mother does is complain and rant about money. Always, all of our arguments are about money. Because she helped me pay off some credit card debt about a little over a year ago, she's been hounding me about the money I owe her for it. Which honestly doesn't bother me because I don't mind helping her back for helping me but they expect at least $1,000 every tax period it seems. I just handed over $2,000 to my mother yesterday and instead of getting a simple "thank you", I was told she wants another $1,000! I could have used that $2,000 to run and never look back, but no I wanted to help them back for helping me! 

So now the battle with my parents is because of money and my Fiance's race. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to hold on. I'm trying to be strong but I honestly don't know how much more I can take. 


Can anyone give me any opinions or advice? Please!!

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mamanikki06
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:36 AM

BUMP!

bi-polarmommy
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:40 AM

 walk away from your parents, there are womens shelters you can go to in the mean time

abuse doesn't always leave visible marks, nor do parents stop just because you reach a certian age

mamanikki06
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:49 AM

I know now, that is my best option. I really don't want to cut my parent's out of my life or even my dd's life but I'm really sick and tired of always feeling tensed up. I stay away from the house as much as possible because i feel so much tension there. 

Quoting bi-polarmommy:

 walk away from your parents, there are womens shelters you can go to in the mean time

abuse doesn't always leave visible marks, nor do parents stop just because you reach a certian age


BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???
If so leave your parents
I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.

I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MrsGammel
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:13 AM

you left ur ex because of the unhealthy environment, and now your parents are doing the same. a parents job is to guide you and teach you to be a respectable adult. theyre job is done. its up to you to make these decisions because theyre ultimately yours to make. Getting advice from them is great but not when they try to tell you that how you feel is wrong. 

mamanikki06
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:18 AM

I believe that I can. and yes I feel the same. Their reasons aren't good enough for me not to be with him. He treats me and dd amazingly. He accepts her and loves her like his own. And she's constantly asking for him because at the moment we're trying to find an apartment... only downfall is my car is in my step dads name and my parent's are vicious as F***! they will use anything and everything against me to bring me down, including my car. I just feel lost. I spend as much time outside of home as possible because of how they've been acting since they found out about my Fiance. And I didn't wanna tell them from the get go because I knew theyd judge him just because of his race.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???
If so leave your parents
I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.

I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.


BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:22 AM
It sucks I know like the ppl that are support you through everything screw you over it blows.

Mine did the same thing. They took my car bc it was in their name. Is there anything you can do so that a judge can order him to sign the title over!?
Do you have proof you bought it or them referring it to as your car??? Anything that they deal w in small claims court or go to a police station and see what they recommend that you do.

I had to go that route w my clothes (pathetic I know) but that what it took to get my clothing!!!


Quoting mamanikki06:

I believe that I can. and yes I feel the same. Their reasons aren't good enough for me not to be with him. He treats me and dd amazingly. He accepts her and loves her like his own. And she's constantly asking for him because at the moment we're trying to find an apartment... only downfall is my car is in my step dads name and my parent's are vicious as F***! they will use anything and everything against me to bring me down, including my car. I just feel lost. I spend as much time outside of home as possible because of how they've been acting since they found out about my Fiance. And I didn't wanna tell them from the get go because I knew theyd judge him just because of his race.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???

If so leave your parents

I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.



I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mamanikki06
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:27 AM

Unfortunately I don't. And I can't even go to the police department cuz my step dad is a lieutenant (sp?) of the police department. which basically means he has back up straight to the core :( honestly i don't believe they can afford my car payment to begin with so I'm hoping they'll just let me keep it. But the way theyre acting I highly doubt it.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

It sucks I know like the ppl that are support you through everything screw you over it blows.

Mine did the same thing. They took my car bc it was in their name. Is there anything you can do so that a judge can order him to sign the title over!?
Do you have proof you bought it or them referring it to as your car??? Anything that they deal w in small claims court or go to a police station and see what they recommend that you do.

I had to go that route w my clothes (pathetic I know) but that what it took to get my clothing!!!


Quoting mamanikki06:

I believe that I can. and yes I feel the same. Their reasons aren't good enough for me not to be with him. He treats me and dd amazingly. He accepts her and loves her like his own. And she's constantly asking for him because at the moment we're trying to find an apartment... only downfall is my car is in my step dads name and my parent's are vicious as F***! they will use anything and everything against me to bring me down, including my car. I just feel lost. I spend as much time outside of home as possible because of how they've been acting since they found out about my Fiance. And I didn't wanna tell them from the get go because I knew theyd judge him just because of his race.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???

If so leave your parents

I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.



I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.



BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:30 AM
Ugh that sucks.
I would think that they would still have to make him do things legally.
Maybe find an apartment in the town over and go to that police station. That way you don't have to go where your stepfather is but you can see if they call over there if w will do it.
Hell Even sign a paper saying that you'll sign the paper for paying them back. (Of you still owe them)


Quoting mamanikki06:

Unfortunately I don't. And I can't even go to the police department cuz my step dad is a lieutenant (sp?) of the police department. which basically means he has back up straight to the core :( honestly i don't believe they can afford my car payment to begin with so I'm hoping they'll just let me keep it. But the way theyre acting I highly doubt it.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

It sucks I know like the ppl that are support you through everything screw you over it blows.



Mine did the same thing. They took my car bc it was in their name. Is there anything you can do so that a judge can order him to sign the title over!?

Do you have proof you bought it or them referring it to as your car??? Anything that they deal w in small claims court or go to a police station and see what they recommend that you do.



I had to go that route w my clothes (pathetic I know) but that what it took to get my clothing!!!




Quoting mamanikki06:

I believe that I can. and yes I feel the same. Their reasons aren't good enough for me not to be with him. He treats me and dd amazingly. He accepts her and loves her like his own. And she's constantly asking for him because at the moment we're trying to find an apartment... only downfall is my car is in my step dads name and my parent's are vicious as F***! they will use anything and everything against me to bring me down, including my car. I just feel lost. I spend as much time outside of home as possible because of how they've been acting since they found out about my Fiance. And I didn't wanna tell them from the get go because I knew theyd judge him just because of his race.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???


If so leave your parents


I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.





I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mamanikki06
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:37 AM

Well I'm sure if the judge were to approach him with the question of who really does pay for the car he'd have to be honest. And I do pay my insurance so that's the only proof that I have on that part. As far as moving out of town, I'm trying to apply with state jobs or any kind of job to be able to move 2.5 hrs away. I honestly don't care if they disown me. I don't care if they change their beneficiaries (which they've threatened me with). I see them as hypocrites. Because they claim to be Christians but yet they're judging someone just by their race.. it's ridiculous.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Ugh that sucks.
I would think that they would still have to make him do things legally.
Maybe find an apartment in the town over and go to that police station. That way you don't have to go where your stepfather is but you can see if they call over there if w will do it.
Hell Even sign a paper saying that you'll sign the paper for paying them back. (Of you still owe them)


Quoting mamanikki06:

Unfortunately I don't. And I can't even go to the police department cuz my step dad is a lieutenant (sp?) of the police department. which basically means he has back up straight to the core :( honestly i don't believe they can afford my car payment to begin with so I'm hoping they'll just let me keep it. But the way theyre acting I highly doubt it.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

It sucks I know like the ppl that are support you through everything screw you over it blows.



Mine did the same thing. They took my car bc it was in their name. Is there anything you can do so that a judge can order him to sign the title over!?

Do you have proof you bought it or them referring it to as your car??? Anything that they deal w in small claims court or go to a police station and see what they recommend that you do.



I had to go that route w my clothes (pathetic I know) but that what it took to get my clothing!!!




Quoting mamanikki06:

I believe that I can. and yes I feel the same. Their reasons aren't good enough for me not to be with him. He treats me and dd amazingly. He accepts her and loves her like his own. And she's constantly asking for him because at the moment we're trying to find an apartment... only downfall is my car is in my step dads name and my parent's are vicious as F***! they will use anything and everything against me to bring me down, including my car. I just feel lost. I spend as much time outside of home as possible because of how they've been acting since they found out about my Fiance. And I didn't wanna tell them from the get go because I knew theyd judge him just because of his race.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

Can you manage on your own In small studio/1 bed apartment???


If so leave your parents


I haven't spoken to my parents in going on 3 years bc they didn't approve of my bf (now husband). But seriously the reasons weren't good enough to me and he treats me amazingly I think my mother don't approve bc it was someone that wanted me to think for myself and she would have lost control I that makes sense.





I wish you the best I know how much it sucks but it will make you a better mother.




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