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The loss of my first child...

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:54 PM
  • 17 Replies

Well, it's been over a year since we had a miscarriage.. I can't really explain how it has changed my life but it has.. I feel lost now.. Incomplete.. Everyone says " Your only 21 Jamie, you will have a baby when the time is right. You have plenty of years" Well.. If that is so then why do I feel like I need it now and without it I have nothing to live for? Why do I feel the NEED to have a baby NOW? Like one is just going to pop right out of me!... I miscarried at around 4 months, only 2 days after hearing the heartbeat for the first time.. I no longer know what to do, I see the baby in my dreams.. I cry everyday for my baby.. I hate myself for the loss of my baby.. Is that wrong? Please, can't someone help me.. Does anyone understand??

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:08 PM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.

It's ok that you're still grieving the loss of this little one, the loss of the dream that he or she was.  Grief has no time limit and no one can say when you'll be ready to move on.

If you haven't though, you might want to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling.  After I suffered a loss like yours I didn't realize it, but I was depressed for a long time.

Quoting JCJRphotography:

Well, it's been over a year since we had a miscarriage.. I can't really explain how it has changed my life but it has.. I feel lost now.. Incomplete.. Everyone says " Your only 21 Jamie, you will have a baby when the time is right. You have plenty of years" Well.. If that is so then why do I feel like I need it now and without it I have nothing to live for? Why do I feel the NEED to have a baby NOW? Like one is just going to pop right out of me!... I miscarried at around 4 months, only 2 days after hearing the heartbeat for the first time.. I no longer know what to do, I see the baby in my dreams.. I cry everyday for my baby.. I hate myself for the loss of my baby.. Is that wrong? Please, can't someone help me.. Does anyone understand??


Join us in the Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support group

Rust.n.Gears
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:12 PM
I get it. I still miss my baby. He was my sixth child. I still miss him. The pain dulls but surges up at times.
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Kathy489
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Try to find a local support group for grieving mothers. They will understand. Also, go to counseling to seek guidance.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:15 PM

I understand.  There is a miscarriage and loss support group on here, too.  They might be able to help you, too.

Have you talked about trying to get pregnant again?  Have you been to any therapy or support groups in your area?

Hugs!  I wish I could say the pain goes away, but I don't think it ever really does.  You just learn how to love and live life for your lost baby until you can see them again.  You have to learn how to manage the pain and memories so you can move forward, and if you need help to do so, please seek some help.  There is nothing wrong with you and no shame in how you are feeling.

raye-chan
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this
I've lost many as well. It still hurts and the pain will always be there. Counseling may be a good idea to help your grieving. If you would like to talk or need a shoulder to lean on, you can message me. I've been in a similar position.
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illinoismommy83
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:17 PM

Don't let people make your feelings seem insignificant. It doesn't matter how young you are or what the potential for the future is. You lost your baby and it hurts. *hugs* I am so sorry for your loss. There is a loss and support group here on CafeMom that you may want to join. Everyone over there understands and will gladly listen to you talk about it as much as you need. Please don't blame yourself for your loss though. It wasn't your fault. I'm so so sorry.

bebe_ju-rah
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:21 PM
I had the exact same feelings. The only thing that made me feel better was actually conceiving our rainbow baby (4 months after the mc). Are you ttc? I agree with the others, you should talk to someone. I should have too.
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cjsix
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There are many ups and downs through out a marriage and our lives but,if we fight for what we care about most we can make it and find our hearts home <3
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by faith on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:44 PM

 The first reply here has a link to a wonderful and supportive group of moms who understand what you are going through. The Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss group is a good group.

I am sorry for your loss and I do understand your heartache,I myself lost my first three little ones,the third I also was nearly four months. It hurt so badly even when I became pregnant again...I worried and was afraid of losing another...until I actually held her in my arms. Hugs Momma.

Amy_M
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:47 PM

I am so sorry you are struggling.  We lost a baby in Oct 2011 and another in Mar 2012.  Nothing completely takes that pain away, you kind of just learn to live with it I guess.  Try going ot the miscarriage and support group here on CM it has helped me a lot.  Also, you may want to check into therapy near you.  It really does help.  You can email me whenever you want.  I know how you feel.  Again so sorry for your loss

HuggaBug1991
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:49 PM
1 mom liked this

 I understand momma, I lost my first almost 3 year ago, and even though I have two babes now. I still hate myself for miscarrying, I do cry alot, as well as I have dreams of her!!! Its natural to feel the way you feel, hun.

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