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Talking to kids about SEX... Is there a 'right' age?

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 38 Replies
1 mom liked this

How open are you (or will you be) with your kids when it comes to talking about sex?

Do you think there’s a right or wrong age for losing one’s virginity?

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:19 PM

I say before 16/17 is way too young to be participating in this activity.  I will try to answer any ?s she has about sex or any other topics.  So far she hasnt even asked how babies are born.  She will be 7 next month.

I was given a book and read it with mom about 3rd or 4th grade.  I think that took alot of the curiosity away that tweens and teens have to tempt them to experiment.

iloveoj
by One Step Closer on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I got a note from my son's health class that they'll be talking about sex/contraceptives this semester. I had to sign if I agreed, so I did. He'll be 12 in March and in 6th grade. I figure that I should be the first to talk about sex with him, so even though they haven't gotten to that chapter in his class, he already knows the basics. As parents, we should be aware that kids as young as 13 are already having sex. I think 12-13 is a good age.

inspain
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:24 PM
4 moms liked this

The "sex" talks start at the beginning.  It's an open, on-going dialogue, the questions change as the child matures and so do the answers.  Being honest and using the correct words is important.  You're not doing your kid any favors if she's calling her vulva her "cookie" when she's ten years old.

As for losing virginity, I believe, if you've kept the dialogue going since the beginning, the questions will be easier to answer and anticipate and your hopes and expectations for your child will already be clear.  I don't believe there's a specific age for that talk.  And I believe that being realistic and providing the best information for your child, with their health and safety in mind, is the best course of action.

iloveoj
by One Step Closer on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:25 PM

But that doesn't prevent them from doing it. Better safe than sorry. I say 12/13 is a good age.

Quoting frndlyfn:

I say before 16/17 is way too young to be participating in this activity.  I will try to answer any ?s she has about sex or any other topics.  So far she hasnt even asked how babies are born.  She will be 7 next month.

I was given a book and read it with mom about 3rd or 4th grade.  I think that took alot of the curiosity away that tweens and teens have to tempt them to experiment.



Retrokitty
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:25 PM
This

Quoting inspain:

The "sex" talks start at the beginning.  It's an open, on-going dialogue, the questions change as the child matures and so do the answers.  Being honest and using the correct words is important.  You're not doing your kid any favors if she's calling her vulva her "cookie" when she's ten years old.

As for losing virginity, I believe, if you've kept the dialogue going since the beginning, the questions will be easier to answer and anticipate and your hopes and expectations for your child will already be clear.  I don't believe there's a specific age for that talk.  And I believe that being realistic and providing the best information for your child, with their health and safety in mind, is the best course of action.

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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:27 PM

Yes  Open communication starting in elementary school can help the child be safe through teen years and adult years.   The ones i know who experimented are the ones who were told not to "do it" and did not get any information about things.  Health class was usually a big eye opener for them.


Quoting iloveoj:

But that doesn't prevent them from doing it. Better safe than sorry. I say 12/13 is a good age.

Quoting frndlyfn:

I say before 16/17 is way too young to be participating in this activity.  I will try to answer any ?s she has about sex or any other topics.  So far she hasnt even asked how babies are born.  She will be 7 next month.

I was given a book and read it with mom about 3rd or 4th grade.  I think that took alot of the curiosity away that tweens and teens have to tempt them to experiment.




BEXi
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:28 PM

My 7 year old niece was told by a little boy that he wanted to have sex with her the other day. Lets just say she got her first sex talk.


My boys are going to have that talk with me by the time they are 10 years old at the very latest.

                    

bebe_ju-rah
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:33 PM
I answer questions as they come up. I will have "the talk" if it hasn't already happened when she's getting ready to have her period.

Right age for sex? No. It depends on the person. I can only educate them, fill them with confidence, teach them to respect their bodies and their partner's bodies and let them know my door is always open. They will have sex when they are ready.
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LADYxGHOST
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:13 AM

I began talking ot my children when they where able to speak and identify their parts.  Not about sex directly but worked my way up to over the years. My dd had the discusion when she was 12, ds when he was 11 and will talk with him in more detail when he is 12/13 but I had to because when he got to about 11 he started noticing changes and having erections while in class and at night.  Much easier to talk with dd than ds.  His dad was going to talk with him but WOW he was so nervous he bought the kid ice cream and told him sex is for when you are grown up and left it at that. 

Both my kids have been told that 18 and older. My beliefs are you should wait until you are married, however my beliefs are not the law. However under 18 and the potential concequences become something I have to deal with since you are still a minor.  We go over the concequences from std's and pregnancy. I also have spoken to my dd regarding safe sex and unsafe sex, and about peer pressure and about choice. I told her that if she found herself wanting to concider having sex with someone be sure this guy respects you, if a guy says you would if oyu loved me, then he doesn't love you.  We told about desire when she got to 13 and how though she isn't interest now, she may change her mind in boys and want to explore that part of herself with a guy. Though Ibeleive it best to wait until marriage and bein gover 18, it is her choice HER CHOICE either way. If she decides to go forward with having sex or wants to at least have the option availible to request getting birth control. When she went for her annual physical I had her speak with the dr regarding confideniality and that she didnt need me to make an appointment to see the dr and get birth control, it was her right and responsibility to pratice safe sex. I told her if she is sexually active to let her dr know when she goes in for her annual physical so she can run a test fro std's and to let the dr know not to tell me if she didn't want me to know because that also is her right.  We talked about if she did get an std or get pregant and how to approach me and I told her I would be angry an dupset, but not at her really but at the hardship I knew it was going to bring and of course the ideas I had for her future may very well change and that is upseting for a parent so the best way is to let me know my note or letter advising me her condition and either going out for a bit or staying the night somewhere until I could compose myself and get over my grief and be there for her.  We talk about these often so they are burned in her mind.  I was in a class fro young moms and the youngest was 12 she would be 13 when the baby was born. I didn't want that to be my child.

I am very open about things with my children. My ds and I talk differntly becasue I do not want to tramatize the child. He needs to hear the same stuff, just not wanting him to directly associate sex and mom, what a buzz kill right? So we usually go fro a rive and get a snack and drive around and talk about stuff so he doesn't have to make direct eye contact. Add a lot more humor when talking with him and so far so good. He is concerned about certain things and has been able to speak with me about most of them, but some he just writes down and I write back.  He understood the concept a long time ago but not the significance. He is high functioning autistic and a really nice guy, my big fear is for some girl to get knocked up and then seduce him and tell him he is the father.  We talked about that senario and I told him that you need to dna test a child before you sign on the certificate but if you had sex with her, then be man enough to be there for her. Since you knew sex could cause this it isnt as if it isnt possible for it to be yours so until otherwise proven with a dna test, treat it as yours. If you do nto want to do that keep it to yurself and you will not have to worry about false claims.  We spoke that if the girl was desperate to pin it on you then she really needs support and as a fellow human we have a duty to help her out and since you did have sx with her, you have even more so of a duty to be there for her. You can not just go around having sex. That is why you should wait until you are married.

LLbaby143
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Around 3rd or 4th grade. It's very important, mostly so they can be aware of their PRIVATES and who is allowed to touch them. 

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