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Ariel13-part Mom, part Woman, part Person

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:22 AM
  • 22 Replies


To Cafe Moms,

I am really looking forward to being able to relate through CafeMom to women everywhere, to share thoughts, and feelings and ideas about being a Mom.

I am an older Mom. My children are grown, but that part of me that is a "Mom" is still the biggest part of all--there is nothing that can compare to the miracle of having a child and seeing them grow into an adult-- an independent, separate person who one hopes will be happy and who will make the world a better place.

However, being a "Woman" is also very important to me, as well as being "just a Mom". I want to be beautiful and desirable  and loved just for myself, quite separate from being a "Mom".  And perhaps most important of all, I want to be a "Person," that is someone who contributes to the world in a positive way. 

Do other mothers feel the same? I would love to hear thoughts on this. It seems to me, as we grow older, so often Moms are just put aside as "Mom" and not given their full place in the world as people.

  Do other newcomers to CafeMom have some of these feelings? I would love to hear,

Ariel13.

  

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gsmom9
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

i agree. im an older mom too

flowerfunleah
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:48 AM

Welcome to Cafemom Ariel, it's so great to get an older Mom's opinions and advice!

I feel much the same as you when it comes to differentiating between my role as a mother and my continued existence as a woman. 

I was so consumed with motherhood and the new kind of love I felt when my daughter was born that my thoughts were far from my womanhood. As she got older however I began to feel a sense of self again, the Leah before wife and mother.

It's a constant process but I've noticed the differences in myself when I'm around Dd and when I'm without her. The best way I've found possible to exercise those differences is to make time for myself and my friends. Let go, do something spontaneous, eat a WHOLE brownie (even just the once), and love. Love everything, exercise compassion and empathy, and contribute to the world in my own small ways every day. 

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:17 PM

Welcome to CafeMom!  I also have an adult child (as well as a teen and preteen) and of course I can relate to those feelings.

Quoting Ariel13:


To Cafe Moms,

I am really looking forward to being able to relate through CafeMom to women everywhere, to share thoughts, and feelings and ideas about being a Mom.

I am an older Mom. My children are grown, but that part of me that is a "Mom" is still the biggest part of all--there is nothing that can compare to the miracle of having a child and seeing them grow into an adult-- an independent, separate person who one hopes will be happy and who will make the world a better place.

However, being a "Woman" is also very important to me, as well as being "just a Mom". I want to be beautiful and desirable  and loved just for myself, quite separate from being a "Mom".  And perhaps most important of all, I want to be a "Person," that is someone who contributes to the world in a positive way. 

Do other mothers feel the same? I would love to hear thoughts on this. It seems to me, as we grow older, so often Moms are just put aside as "Mom" and not given their full place in the world as people.

  Do other newcomers to CafeMom have some of these feelings? I would love to hear,

Ariel13.

  



happehcrone
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:04 PM
2 moms liked this

 Hi Ariel, and welcome!  I also am older - no more children at home -just hubby and little dogs lol. I think all women are really multi-dimensional - we wear several different hats, so to speak, during our lifetimes (often simultaneously)!  We should celebrate each phase of our life -maiden, mother and crone.  Elder wise women have been an important part of many cultures - still are in some places, although in the US it seems sadly many have lost respect for age.  Even though we may no longer be "mother" in the traditional sense (I mean of dependant children) we can serve in that capacity for others who may need a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on or to hear from someone who has survived what they may be going through which seems insurmountable to them.

"Mothering" can certainly extend well beyond our biological familes.  Perhaps that is one reason that among many Native American people, younger ones use the term "mother" or "grandmother" as a show of respect toward elder women to whom they have no biological relation.

Again, welcome! Hope you will enjoy being here!  Bright Blessings -

bamababe1975
by Stephanie on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:31 PM

 My kids are 11 and 12 but I definitely want to feel like a woman, too, not just like a mom. My husband does very well at helping me feel that way, though, reminding me in little ways that I'm still his best girl. :)



Ariel13
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:53 PM



Quoting gsmom9:

i agree. im an older mom too


Thank you for agreeing!

Now, what shall we do about this? 

Assert ourselves, or just fade into the background?

Ariel13

Ariel13
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:56 PM



Quoting flowerfunleah:

Welcome to Cafemom Ariel, it's so great to get an older Mom's opinions and advice!

I feel much the same as you when it comes to differentiating between my role as a mother and my continued existence as a woman. 

I was so consumed with motherhood and the new kind of love I felt when my daughter was born that my thoughts were far from my womanhood. As she got older however I began to feel a sense of self again, the Leah before wife and mother.

It's a constant process but I've noticed the differences in myself when I'm around Dd and when I'm without her. The best way I've found possible to exercise those differences is to make time for myself and my friends. Let go, do something spontaneous, eat a WHOLE brownie (even just the once), and love. Love everything, exercise compassion and empathy, and contribute to the world in my own small ways every day. 



Ariel13
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:57 PM



Quoting Ariel13:



Quoting flowerfunleah:

Welcome to Cafemom Ariel, it's so great to get an older Mom's opinions and advice!

I feel much the same as you when it comes to differentiating between my role as a mother and my continued existence as a woman. 

I was so consumed with motherhood and the new kind of love I felt when my daughter was born that my thoughts were far from my womanhood. As she got older however I began to feel a sense of self again, the Leah before wife and mother.

It's a constant process but I've noticed the differences in myself when I'm around Dd and when I'm without her. The best way I've found possible to exercise those differences is to make time for myself and my friends. Let go, do something spontaneous, eat a WHOLE brownie (even just the once), and love. Love everything, exercise compassion and empathy, and contribute to the world in my own small ways every day. 





MichelleSw
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:00 PM

Hello Ariel :> I'm a very young mom working my way through our journey! As women we are complex and definitely need the separation of roles and time spent enjoying each of those! Enjoy your stay :)

happy.go.lucky
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:35 PM
My goal is to be where you are by the time my kids are grown. I'm too busy really to be my own person. I can be patient and wait for it though. I'm a full time student, work two payroll jobs, clean houses every other weekend, and babysit during the opposite weekends in exchange for babysitting. Right now "me time" doesn't exist but I don't plan on working like this forever. I just have to work really hard right now to provide for my kids.
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