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Really? How can they expect this of me?

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I may get bashed for this but I want to know honest opinions. My brothers daughter is in foster care. She is 3 about the same age as my son. But she was born addicted to drugs and due to her moms drug use is very far behind. She can not talk, walk or feed herself. She can barely sit up without assistance and not for long periods of time. I am the only one in the family that cps will give her to. She is currently with a foster family that said they would eventually like to adopt her. They love her and are very good with her. My family is calling me selfish because I will not take her and raise her till my brother can get her back (at this point that won't be soon since he is still using). I just feel like with her disabilities it wouldn't be fair to my family,my life, my son, and her because of my schedules. I do love her! I know I could do it if I wanted but feel she is with a family that loves her. We are also ttc so I feel I dont want the extra stress. What would you do?
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:05 PM
Replies (21-30):
1L2CMommy
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM
I think if you didn't jump on this right away (not saying you should), and say yes, you wanted her, then the safest, happiest place for her is with the people who did.
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locaporbebe
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 4:52 PM

The poor girl, your family is not thinking logically. I hope the foster family does eventually adopt her.

mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:55 PM

You are not being sefish they are, by not seeing the fact the child is loved,well cared for and happy where she is. They need to just leave it be and let her thrive where shes at PERIOD !

Miller0305
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:03 PM


Quoting poshkat:

She has a family that loves her, takes care of her and she is settled and happy. You are not being selfish, you are doing what is right for your family and your niece.


Texascandee
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:41 PM

Ok, I'm a bit confused...........this family wants to adopt her and you say that you could until your brother gets cleaned up but if they adopt her, what if your brother wants her back?  I guess the confusion is you taking her until he's clean and can get her back vs a family that wants to adopt her.  If they do, can he/will he be able to get her back?

To answer your initial question, even though she's your neice and you love her, you have to do what's best for you and your family..........


Maevelyn
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:44 PM

I think you are making the right choice. What happens when her dad can get her back? All the progress and happiness, security and stability she requires due to her disabilities disappears. You are being asked to be a "place holder" parent but she has a loving and devoted family caring for her already. If I were you I would do the same thing. I understand that the rest of your family feels entitled to her because she's blood but sometimes the most loving thing is to do right by the kid. 

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:45 PM
I agree. Her foster family sounds awesome. If that were my family, I might have to separate myself from them. they have no right to put that pressure on you, especially given that CPS doesn't deem them worthy to have her.

Quoting poshkat:

She has a family that loves her, takes care of her and she is settled and happy. You are not being selfish, you are doing what is right for your family and your niece.
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kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:54 PM
I'd let her stay where she is used to and with people she loves and loves them.
Why the hell do they think you'd just give her back to her dad? If cps took her and actually adopted her out that means he lost all rights.
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mamamiajk
by Ruby Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:53 PM

The foster family sounds like it would be best for all. Hugs

ashley9603
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:58 PM

If she is stable with her foster family,and is doing well I think it would be selfish to take her from a familiar enviroment just to make the family happy.I dont know I mean on one hand she is family and its possible that your home is a good thing for her,however she has issues,speech,other developmental areas,will you be able to devote the time to her and do you have other kids?

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