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Really? How can they expect this of me?

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I may get bashed for this but I want to know honest opinions. My brothers daughter is in foster care. She is 3 about the same age as my son. But she was born addicted to drugs and due to her moms drug use is very far behind. She can not talk, walk or feed herself. She can barely sit up without assistance and not for long periods of time. I am the only one in the family that cps will give her to. She is currently with a foster family that said they would eventually like to adopt her. They love her and are very good with her. My family is calling me selfish because I will not take her and raise her till my brother can get her back (at this point that won't be soon since he is still using). I just feel like with her disabilities it wouldn't be fair to my family,my life, my son, and her because of my schedules. I do love her! I know I could do it if I wanted but feel she is with a family that loves her. We are also ttc so I feel I dont want the extra stress. What would you do?
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:05 PM
Replies (61-67):
lashea727
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 5:30 PM
I know what you are going through cause I was in foster care when I was 3 year old and if you feel that you want her to be with you. Then fight for her but go see if she is happy with her new family. It's up to you and what your heart feels everyday. Also you half to think about you don't trust anybody cause you don't know who can hurt them ok I know cause IM a mother of 2 and I don't trust no body around my kids ok a lots of kids are missing in the world.
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juju40
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 6:08 PM

your not being selfish ...I know it's a hard decision for you but you have to do what's best for her and your family, if your family thinks your selfish then why don't they take her in???

PISCIS29
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 6:10 PM
This. The last thing both of you need is to feel burdened.

Quoting poshkat:

She has a family that loves her, takes care of her and she is settled and happy. You are not being selfish, you are doing what is right for your family and your niece.
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specialwingz
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 6:17 PM

I took in my 18 month old twin nephews-in-law.  I could NEVER turn my back on kids in need.  Especially family!  My girls were 13 and 15.  So, I was basically done having kids.  But, when I got the call from my MIL asking for help, there was no answer but YES!  I might also add that these boys have ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome.

Ya know what?  They have absolutely been the light of my life just as much as my 2 daughters.  They are now almost 21 years old and have never known any other parents.  They were even awarded to me through my divorce when they were 9.

I think it's a shame how people in our country don't take care of their family.  Shame on our society who considers family members "extra stress" or a burden.  Especially those who say "I love her and know I could do it if I wanted  to."  

jobo
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:06 PM

You're probably doing the best thing for her cause down the road when things get tuff you'll end up regretting her and why you ever took on the resposibilities to begin with and she'll feel that from you,kids always do..

bibdybobdyboob
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:18 PM



Quoting poshkat:

She has a family that loves her, takes care of her and she is settled and happy. You are not being selfish, you are doing what is right for your family and your niece.



bibdybobdyboob
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:25 PM

Your brother has had three years to stop using and he hasn't yet, so I would say chances of that are slim.

Plus, she is with a family who loves her.

I think for you to take her at the age of three is a big change in her life.  And then "if" your brother gets sober, he would possibly take her, another big change.  Besides, if he can't even make the commitment to stop using, how will he be able to provide the level of care she needs.  Is he going to be able to change diapers on a teenage girl?  On an adult woman?

I don't think you are selfish at all.   


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