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Rules for dating my daughter

Posted by on May. 4, 2007 at 9:31 PM
  • 3 Replies
I don't have a daughter but I thought some of you might appreciate this :o)

Rules for dating my daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and
honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're
sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in
front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not
peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your
eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is
considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you
and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want
to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose
this compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I
will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes
do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date
with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and
fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that
in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method"
of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes
to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and
other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only
information I require from you is an indication of when you
expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the
only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a
popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other
girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front
hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than
an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be
on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My
daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take
longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of
just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not
appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there
are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns
within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places
where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or
anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance
or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature
chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.
by on May. 4, 2007 at 9:31 PM
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Replies (1-3):
by on May. 4, 2007 at 9:35 PM
haha thanks for sharing
by on May. 4, 2007 at 9:45 PM
Thanks for sharing my husband had me print it up for when our 3yr old dd starts dating in oh say 13 to 15 yrs from now!  Too funny!!
by on May. 4, 2007 at 10:14 PM
that was oo, i just sent it my husband, I hear him laughing in the other room about it.
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