Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

cops won't help my friend...?

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:13 PM
  • 11 Replies

I have this friend who is like 19, she worked at a grocery store adnw as getting sexually harrassed buy a guy in the freezer dept. she got a new job,  anyway, he has been stalking her for over a year, has attacked her about 4 times, and brutally raped her once. He knows where she lives and she said she's tried to put him behind bars 2 times. I am not sure what to think. Why would the cops do nothing? I have suggested help of a friend we know who is a cop, she is too embarrassed about it. so she clearly has some issues still. she said she's embarrassed that she couldn't fight him off! I was like WHAT?!? i tell her its not her fault that she needs to let us help her instead of trying to do it all alone...does anyone have any advice?

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:13 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
kss12
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:16 PM
I had a friend go through a similar situation.. Turned out said friend had mental issues and made it all up, which is why she wouldn't go to the cops and make a point of fighting it. She didn't want to get caught lying. I know that if that happened to me no matter what it takes I'd do everything in my power to get that person away from me. I suggest she press the issue with the police and at least have someone patrol by her house to ensure her safety!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
Yesterday at 11:16 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:03 PM

I would suggest your friend start writing down all these incidents that are happening,
Have her take them to the police station as proof & see what they will do.
Good luck to her & please let us know how things are going for her ;)

jeweldragons
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:34 AM

Have her wrie down all these incidents and then take them to the cops.  Sadly many DA's put the rape victim on trial if she even goes to trial.  Some women are under so much pressure by the DA and cops NOT to continue with pressing charges and are made to feel like dogs and like shit that they don't report it.  It's sad when women (and men) don't report rape because they fear they won't be believed by anybody.  If she chooses not to do anything about it then I think the only thing you can do is be there for her.  It is really up to her and what she wants to do.

aydensXmommy
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:51 AM
I understand how she feels somewhat. When I was 15, my uncle raped me. I completely froze up. I'm pissed at myself for that, because I even had a freaking SWORD in the front seat of his van (where it happened) that I could have used, but I just froze. Anyway, I did everything I was supposed to, going to the cops, offered to take a lie detector test, and everything. He went to jail. Awesome, right? Nope. HE SIGNED HIMSELF OUT and was told to stay away from me for two years. Two freaking years. Still makes me a MINOR! Ididn't feel protected because the cops didn't do their job. He wasn't required to register as a sex offender and his arrest record doesn't show that he was arrested for raping a minor; they changed it to assault on a female. Are you freaking kidding me?!

Flashforward to 7 years later, I was off visiting my best friend. We went to a bar, I was pretty lit, made the mistake of flirting with a guy, and he raped me. Still froze up, and I hate myself for it. I am very strong and could damn well get him off of me, but I just couldn't. Anyway, I don't tell anyone. Keep it to myself for over a year, then my husband found out. He was livid that I didn't report it. Maybe if the law had been better at their job when I was a MINOR, I would have been more than happy to report it. My thinking is if I don't think about it, it didn't happen. Hubby doesn't understand that, but he really wouldn't, since he hadn't been in that situation.

Sorry so long, but I wanted to point out that maybe she's had bad experiences about it. Or maybe, like another poster said,she's lying and didn't want to get caught. Either way, just try to help her deal with this best as you can. Hopefully this man will get taken care of like he should (don't mean harmed or anything, just mean put in jail where he belongs and can't get out).
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
strawberryLVR
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:26 PM


she mentioned that its hard to try more when they didn't help her last time. Luckily Idaho is a victimless state, so anyone can press charges on that dude for raping her etc. it's just a matter of someone doing it i guess? not doing anything makes it so that they do it to other people that could be prevented but it REALLY pisses me off when the cops are the ones making it possible for them to do it again and there job is opposite. That would be so freaky and awful to have an uncle rape you too, who wouldn't freeze up on that? so sorry :/ hugs

Quoting aydensXmommy:


aydensXmommy
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Exactly! It's a scary thought when the people who's job it is to HELP citizens, just sir back and don't do the full extent of what they should to protect everyone. When you didn't get help you should have before, it definitely leaves a bitter taste in your mouth about running to them for help again.



And yes. Because of that incident, I am deathly afraid of older men (he was 56, I had literally turned 15 that day... So he's also ruined my birthday as well :/ ), and I have panic attacks when I ride in conversion vans. But why would any of that matter to the police? Ugh. Such a fucked up world we live in.


Quoting strawberryLVR:


she mentioned that its hard to try more when they didn't help her last time. Luckily Idaho is a victimless state, so anyone can press charges on that dude for raping her etc. it's just a matter of someone doing it i guess? not doing anything makes it so that they do it to other people that could be prevented but it REALLY pisses me off when the cops are the ones making it possible for them to do it again and there job is opposite. That would be so freaky and awful to have an uncle rape you too, who wouldn't freeze up on that? so sorry :/ hugs




Quoting aydensXmommy:


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
stayathommom
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:39 PM

I have a friend who has been abused by her dad for years. A mutual friend told me (not as gossip, but as in needing help). She has tons of evidence against him, but refuses to press charges. He has her scared to death. Not sure this is at all helpful, my point is that maybe your friend is too scared? Maybe if she knows she has a safe place to go it will help.

paganmommy4
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:48 PM

some cops are like that

trainlady
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:36 AM

I don't know about advice but she should not be embarrassed because she couldn't fight him off. She shouldn't have been put in the position  to have to fight him off. There has to be some way for her to get legal help. Can she go and file and order of protection against him? There are usually free legal services in almost every town if she doesn't have the money to do it through another attorney. If she does that and he comes within a certain distance she calls the cops and he goes to jail for breaking the order. Tell her to just keep calling the cops every time he does something to her. Eventually they will get tired and toss his tail in jail. She should not have to live like this, no one should.

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 8:49 AM
There have to be more to this? He allegedly rape her. She should have immediately went to er. They would have used a test, get dna evidence from her body. Then notify detective. If this is true? all these allegations. She claim cops wont arrest him, she should buy a gun legally and shoot him down.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)