MIL Is Coming For A Visit Today....*sigh*
This is going to be a bit long, so just bare with me....
My husband and I have been seeing a marriage counselor. By doing this, it has helped us communicate better with one another and, essentially, brought us closer. Our marriage is a great deal better as a result.
DH and I both have some issues with MIL (his mom). She'll say some pretty inappropriate things to me about DH and then turn around and do the same thing to him (say bad things about me), but to each of our faces, she'll act like our BFF.
For example, she told me that when she and FIL were divorcing, her lawyer advised her to say, if the judge asked, that FIL was a bad father. She then said, "I'm just telling you this because if you say the other person is a good father in something like that, then they have a chance of getting custody of the child(ren)...and I'm just going to leave it at that." She said this when DH and I were having issues and contemplating divorce. She was basically insinuating that I say DH is a horrible father (which he isn't).
She told DH (when he was venting to her about a fight we had when things were bad between us), "It's not like she has guys waiting in line to date her anyhow..." That shit irked me because she always says that she loves me and considers me one of her best friends.
When it comes to our son, she'll slip sometimes and call herself "mama" to him. She sometimes corrects herself...sometimes she doesn't.
The last time she was here, anytime I would try to discipline my son, she would cut me off and try to start disciplining him. She believes that my son walks all over me and that DH needs to be the firm hand in the household, when in reality, DS listens to me over anyone else, he's more calm around me, and I am basically the boss in the house. Since DH is military, I'm the constant in our son's life. Anyway, when she was trying to discipline our son, she said something like, "Jeffrey, don't do that...daddy is going to have to discipline you when he gets home..." I turned around and said, "Daddy doesn't do the disciplining. Mommy is the boss in this house." She didn't talk to me for like an hour after that.
Anyway, she went down to Florida to visit with BIL before he deployed (I wont even get into that business). She's coming back up here today before she heads home (we're in Georgia) and she's staying a few days.
Now, our counselor has suggested that we sit MIL down and have a talk about all of this so there is nothing left hanging...communicate with her. We fully intend on doing this...but just aren't sure when to do it. I told my husband it needs to be done tonight or tomorrow night. I want to sit down after DS is in bed so that there is no distraction. The reason I'm not sure on when to talk to her is because when things start to get tense, she'll be passive aggressive and then retreat and say she's tired...but she's really not.
I guess I'm just asking advice on what you ladies think is the best approach. I plan on writing out something today with all the points we want to cover so that our thoughts are organized when we sit down with her.