Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Can divorce actually be good for your kids?

Posted by   + Show Post

Do you think divorce can actually be good for your kids?

Do you think couples should avoid divorce when they have young kids?

punching

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Replies (31-40):
christina0607
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 8:56 AM

I don't feel divorce is ever beneficial to children. 

MommyBee12808
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:27 AM
From the age of 7-14, I told my parents they would be better off divorced than fighting all the time. I was so happy when they finally divorced. It was a wonderful thing. I wasn't sad at all. Divorce is better than fighting all the time and living in misery.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sherry132
by Sherry on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:39 AM

It was a good thing for my kids. Don't get me wrong, there were struggles and problems at first, but he and I have been divorced now for 10 years. My children were 7 and 3 at the time of our divorce. We agreed to joint custody, fifty fifty time, and co parenting. We had a rigorous settlement agreement that the judge enforced. Everything, from birthdays to school meetings, to dr appts and soccer games was meticulously outlined with orders of how we were to behave.  

Now, let me say this, there was war, and that war between us did hurt our children emotionally. 

HOWEVER, because he and I were forced to do so much as a family, and because we saw how much it especially hurt our son, we eventually learned to be friends. Today we parent together. My children has a family that loves them, on both sides. They have the security of knowing they are loved. They cannot play their father and I against one another. 

Although they have both chosen where to live in their teen years, and my ex and I live six hours apart, we manage to be a part of everything, to both parent and both look for solutions. 

This isn't an easy way to do things, but it has benefited both of my children. Trust me, most of the time I groan when we have to talk. It's tough and exhausting for me, but my children are doing beautifully.

And no, we could not stay married. We had a tendency to constantly try to kill  one another. We were like fire and oil. We even fought on our wedding day. Should have been a sign. 

ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:43 AM

 its up to the parents to make sure that the divorce has the best outcome for the kids. dh and i both agree that while we are divorcing, being a "family" is what the kids will always have. THe kids are our priority. we are still best of friends and love each other dearly and respect for each other. we are simply severing the legal commitment but we are both committed to our daughters physical and emotional well being. it will be hard sometimes but we will get through it together. I am very grateful that this decision,not an easy one to make, was made out of love and that we are in full agreement. Neither of us are doing this hastily or out of anger or resentment and we get along very well...

divorce dosnt have to be an ugly thing, its not an automatic tradedy for the kids. its important to face reality and make the most of what you are dealing with into something positive.

rayroe2
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:44 AM
Yes...if there is abuse and cheating...or the parents can't be civil.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
cntrygal214
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:16 AM

Under many circumstances, divorce is a better option than staying with someone.  

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:16 AM

Divorce is hard on kids, but growing up in an intact home with two miserable parents is just as hard and can lead to skewed views on relationships.  I don't want my kid thinking she has to stay married to someone she does not love anymore or cannot stand just because they have children together, no matter how old the children are.

Children are better off with separated happy parents than parents who are still together and miserable.  Because no matter how much the parents try to hide it, the kids know something is up.

cntrygal214
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Amen!  There are so many people who get wrapped up in the anger, hurt, and pain and retaliation that they don't even think about the kids.  Together or not, they are both the parents and it's about the kids knowing that they are loved even if mommy and daddy don't love each other.  

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 its up to the parents to make sure that the divorce has the best outcome for the kids. dh and i both agree that while we are divorcing, being a "family" is what the kids will always have. THe kids are our priority. we are still best of friends and love each other dearly and respect for each other. we are simply severing the legal commitment but we are both committed to our daughters physical and emotional well being. it will be hard sometimes but we will get through it together. I am very grateful that this decision,not an easy one to make, was made out of love and that we are in full agreement. Neither of us are doing this hastily or out of anger or resentment and we get along very well...

divorce dosnt have to be an ugly thing, its not an automatic tradedy for the kids. its important to face reality and make the most of what you are dealing with into something positive.


randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:19 AM

But I will also add that going through a bitter divorce and acting like immature ass hats isn't the way to go either.  That's fine if you don't get along anymore or were a rotten husband and wife, but this doesn't automatically mean rotten father and mother. 

wonderwomanT08
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:21 AM
If the parents aren't happy the children won't be. Parents are the rolemodel for the children on how love and relationships work. Parents can try to pretend but kids are not dumb. Even babys sense things/feelings
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)