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'Stepmom has to have my permission to discipline my child'

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:03 AM
  • 17 Replies

This is what my friend says....im wondering how many of you will agree. 

Here is the situation..

My friend Nancy , was with a man for 11 yrs..when they split up their daughter (10 at the time) chose to live with her dad...Nancy allowed it. 

Dad meets a girl...fall's inlove..and the dad and child move in with the new girlfriend and her children (in the GF's home). 

They have all lived together for about a year now, and the Dad and new girlfriend are planning on getting married.

If the child tells nancy that the fiance grounded her for bad behaviour , Nancy gets upset ...her mind frame is that the fiance does not have HER permission to discipline or make any decisions for the child, even though the child is living IN the fiance's home and is the one providing for her as well. 

* TO ADD: the fiance does not strike the child, she grounds and take items away ..like cellphone, laptop..etc.

Personally i do not agree i think that the fiance has every right to discipline the child and has every right to be a part of decision making with the child especially seeing as though the child is living with her and the bio dad, but i haven't said anything to her really about it because she is a good friend and i don't want to cause any hard feelings between us ...

Im just wondering how many of you would agree with her and how many of you would disagree with her?




by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
heatherann2
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:08 AM
I agree with you. I have my kids full time and my fiancee helps discipline. Same goes for their dad, hr lives with his girl friend, and in sure she OS the only one taking care of the boys while they are there
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Two_Hearts
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:14 AM

Yep , i have my DD full time...and i do mean FULL time lol (the BD is out of the picture, has been for 6 yrs).

My SO helps me discipline and i talk to him about any decisions involving DD before the final decision is made.

Quoting heatherann2:

I agree with you. I have my kids full time and my fiancee helps discipline. Same goes for their dad, hr lives with his girl friend, and in sure she OS the only one taking care of the boys while they are there


angevil53
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:14 AM
I told my exs gf to get him if he misbehaved. I knew she wouldn't treat him wrongly. There's no way i would him over there to be watched by her and her not be able to discipline.
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cadditalbrat
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:19 AM
i agree with you. My DF has full riegn when it comes to disciplining "our" children. If something major needs done we discuss it together as a couple then together we do what needs to be done
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Tigress22304
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:28 AM

It would depend on the situation.

First off, was dad there? If not, then what exactly was the punishment? And did Dad come to Mom and say what happened or is Mom strictly taking the child's word for it?

I'm a stepmom myself, and there are plenty of times i"m left alone with the kids (usually when DH's working) and if they act up, I do discipline them.

Timeouts/take electronics or tv time away etc things like that. In the 7yrs of being a SM, I've left the more serious discipline up to dad.

crazysheep
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:30 AM
I somewhat agree with her and you. I understand both sides.

My dds biodad has never seen her, at his wishes. So he is not involved at all. Even though dh took on the role of being a father, he does not get to punish her. He can suggest things, but overall I get the final say.. Like I do not agree with spanking, I do not agree with putting the child in their room and closing the door, I do not agree with certain punishments that I know will damage the child's emotional and/or mental state.

So if I don't even let my dh do these things then why would I let a stepmother do them? Kwim?

I think if I was faced with this type of situation I would prefer if the stepmother knew what she can and can not do when working out punishments and everything would need to be run by me to make sure the punishment fits the crime.
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Two_Hearts
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:32 AM


Quoting crazysheep:

I somewhat agree with her and you. I understand both sides.

My dds biodad has never seen her, at his wishes. So he is not involved at all. Even though dh took on the role of being a father, he does not get to punish her. He can suggest things, but overall I get the final say.. Like I do not agree with spanking, I do not agree with putting the child in their room and closing the door, I do not agree with certain punishments that I know will damage the child's emotional and/or mental state.

So if I don't even let my dh do these things then why would I let a stepmother do them? Kwim?

I think if I was faced with this type of situation I would prefer if the stepmother knew what she can and can not do when working out punishments and everything would need to be run by me to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

Even if the child does not live with you ? but lives with the SM & BD?

The punishments she gives are not sever..she takes away her laptop, or cell phone...items that are a privilige, not a necessity.

crazysheep
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:35 AM
The child lives with her dad and step mom full time? I think cerain punishments should be ran with the dad first but taking 'wants' (toys, computer, tv ect....) Can be done by step mom. I don't disagree with that.


Quoting Two_Hearts:


Quoting crazysheep:

I somewhat agree with her and you. I understand both sides.



My dds biodad has never seen her, at his wishes. So he is not involved at all. Even though dh took on the role of being a father, he does not get to punish her. He can suggest things, but overall I get the final say.. Like I do not agree with spanking, I do not agree with putting the child in their room and closing the door, I do not agree with certain punishments that I know will damage the child's emotional and/or mental state.



So if I don't even let my dh do these things then why would I let a stepmother do them? Kwim?



I think if I was faced with this type of situation I would prefer if the stepmother knew what she can and can not do when working out punishments and everything would need to be run by me to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

Even if the child does not live with you ? but lives with the SM & BD?

The punishments she gives are not sever..she takes away her laptop, or cell phone...items that are a privilige, not a necessity.


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honey27
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:45 AM
No this wouldn't fly with me but her dad could discipline her.
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edelweiss23
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:46 AM
My husband punishes my children with time outs, corner, etc. If the infraction is that to warrent a spanking(our last resort) I am te one to administer it.
My ex and I agreed that his wife is allowed to administer the same(time outs, corner, taking away toys, etc) but is not allowed to physically punish our children.
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