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how to tell a friend I can't be around her daughter when she is having a tantrum anymore.

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:46 PM
  • 17 Replies
I have a friend of 4 years now and can not be around her daughter when she is having a tantrum which is almost daily. She is 9 years old and it is very tiring. I do not want to hurt my friend but am so tired of it. What do I say or do without hurting her feelings? Our daughters go to brownies together and the van ride has become so unbearable. Even my daugther is tired of it. Help
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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry... tanrums at that age really stik and should be nipped in the bud

tyrelsmom
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:00 PM
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If a 9 year old started having a tantrum in my van we'd be turning right around and bringing her home.
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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:10 PM

What is the tantrum about in particular or is it just her being tired and getting out of control due to the tired feeling?   If i am driving, I would pull over until she could calm herself down.  I am presuming everyone ignores the fit throwing.

Lovemyshadows
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:39 PM
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Quoting frndlyfn:

What is the tantrum about in particular or is it just her being tired and getting out of control due to the tired feeling?   If i am driving, I would pull over until she could calm herself down.  I am presuming everyone ignores the fit throwing.

Excellent answer, I would not have thought of that.  

funhappymom
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Why is she throwing tantrums? Maybe you can suggest driving separately?


wendp
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 3:13 PM
She just gets tired and everything bothers her! I would feel better not driving them but she lives down the street and has no car. Anyway I told her that now she has to bring her daughter and if her daughter is crying she has to bus it as we r too tired when we get home from listening to her crying. Plain and simple she agreed. Thank god!


Quoting Lovemyshadows:


Quoting frndlyfn:

What is the tantrum about in particular or is it just her being tired and getting out of control due to the tired feeling?   If i am driving, I would pull over until she could calm herself down.  I am presuming everyone ignores the fit throwing.

Excellent answer, I would not have thought of that.  


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wendp
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 3:15 PM
As you said just tired. The mom can't control it she has tried everything and it gets even worse. Its a sad nightmare.
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inspain
by Ruby Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 3:28 PM

We had a similar problem.  I just finally had to distance myself from this friend.  Then, after another incident where her DD went bat-shit, as usual, my DD locked herself in the upstairs bathroom and refused to come out until the kid calmed down or left.  My friend dragged her still screaming 8 year old from the house in a huff and that night asked me, via messenger, if I thought her DD had a behavior problem.  I don't recall drinking that night, so I can't tell you what could have possessed me to tell the truth, but I said "yes".  Then she went on a rant about how my kid had issues too and I realized she was furious but I calmly told her that while my kid had OCD and anxiety, she never hit anyone or screamed at anyone and she was always very clear about what she needed.  My friend didn't speak to me for a few weeks and we were never very close after that.  They had this problem with everyone, not just us, but she's always made excuses for her DD's behavior and still blames all the other kids.  Her DD is 11 now and, from what I understand, nothing has changed.

Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:37 PM
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I dated a guy several years ago who had a 7 year old and she would have fits like that. She never did it around me because I made it clear up front with her that tantrums would not be tolerated. If she had a tantrum with me she lost all fun things until she could calmly talk about why we don't have tantrums. He always gave in to her though and she walked all over him. It drove a wedge between us honestly and we broke up. I would say to be honest with the mom and make the girl know that those won't be tolerated. If she has a fit I would turn around and take her home, drop her and her mom off and then take your daughter. It might suck the first few times but she'll get the hint and then maybe she'll stop.
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Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:42 PM
I hate when parents do that. My best friend has three kids and I love her to death but sometimes her kids are brats, and sometimes mine are too. The difference... she makes up tons of excuses or ignores their tantrums and says they are behaving fine but she will point out when my kids are acting up. Drives me insane, at least own up to the fact that every kid can be a booger some days and just because your kid is having an off day doesn't mean I think your kid is a brat 100% of the time.


Quoting inspain:

We had a similar problem.  I just finally had to distance myself from this friend.  Then, after another incident where her DD went bat-shit, as usual, my DD locked herself in the upstairs bathroom and refused to come out until the kid calmed down or left.  My friend dragged her still screaming 8 year old from the house in a huff and that night asked me, via messenger, if I thought her DD had a behavior problem.  I don't recall drinking that night, so I can't tell you what could have possessed me to tell the truth, but I said "yes".  Then she went on a rant about how my kid had issues too and I realized she was furious but I calmly told her that while my kid had OCD and anxiety, she never hit anyone or screamed at anyone and she was always very clear about what she needed.  My friend didn't speak to me for a few weeks and we were never very close after that.  They had this problem with everyone, not just us, but she's always made excuses for her DD's behavior and still blames all the other kids.  Her DD is 11 now and, from what I understand, nothing has changed.


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