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Is it right for me to be hurt and angry?

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 8:57 AM
  • 16 Replies
I am really hurt today on so many levels.

The main source is my parents. Every year they have baskets and an egg hunt for my kids. It wasn't always like this because we have had our share of problems and a couple years we didn't even speak to each other. But the past few years it has been regular holidays with them. They have been much more fair to my SD, not completely equal to her and my DS but I know they are trying. They had a weird bond with my DS that I have limited in recent years bc they can't seem to find the line between parent and grandparent. But they are finding it with my boundaries and I thought things were going ok.

My brothers gf had a baby in February and he was very early. My parents have totally taken over since my brother and the gf have hardly any involvement with the baby, he is still in the nicu but they don't visit long, and the gf doesn't work so she really has no excuse to only be there for an hour a day. Any time they are there, my parents are there as well (I honestly think my parents would be there more but they cant go in without my brother or the gf). My brother and gf live with my parents and my parents do everything for them, I mean including their laundry and cooking their meals. It's ridiculous.

Anyway...my parents did not invite us over for Easter at all this year. A couple weeks ago I was at the hospital visiting (which makes my mom mad because it takes away her time since only one of us can go in at a time with the parents) and my brother told me he got my kids something for Easter. So my thinking was they would ask us to come early today so they could do stuff with the kids then head to the hospital. And I thought I would stop by the hospital as well for a quick visit. But I have heard nothing from any of them! My kids have been asking for days if we were invited over yet. And this morning the disappointment on DSs face when I said I still hadn't heard from them just broke my heart :(.

I am sick of being the only one to reach out first every single time. It's exhausting and disappointing. But then my moms birthday is coming up and I will have to at least text her (that's what I get on my bday, a text from each parent). I am just disappointed and sad.

And then the icing on the cake of my life...today marks a biblical year (is that such a thing?) since my SD has heard from her mother :(. Last Easter was the last conversation they had. And since then, her mother has moved, changed her phone number, and had a child, that SD doesn't know about. I am so sad for her. At least we can share having sucky moms.
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by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 8:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand having to be invited to my parents home on any day. 

kss12
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:06 AM
I would just show up for your kids sake then leave quickly after. Or call your mom and act dumb and say "when should we plan on being there for the hunt". I kow you're tired of reaching out but your kids obviously enjoy it!!
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Thunderbug75
by Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 I am sorry you are ging thru this.  Family can be very challenging at times.  But, hey, you have your kids make Easter memories with them today!

TJandKarasMom
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:09 AM
I wish I didn't understand it.

On some level I don't understand it, I get that normal people with normal relationships with their parents, always feel at home at their parents home. However my parents have made me (and DH even more so) feel unwelcome in their home, so I would never show up without an invitation. Also, they live an hour away and are young and sometimes busy, work different hours, etc, so I wouldn't drive an hour hoping they were home.

The last time I just showed up (they used to live closer, they own two homes), my dad screamed at me in front of SD, she was only like 5 maybe. So I don't just show up anymore.


Quoting JoshRachelsMAMA:

I don't understand having to be invited to my parents home on any day. 


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TJandKarasMom
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:11 AM
What if they don't have any eggs? Lol. I really don't think they are thinking of my kids at all anymore. Everything is about the new baby. I totally understand he needs more than my kids right now...but he needs it from his own parents not necessarily his grandparents. I mean they should definitely be there and be supportive of my brother and the gf, but I don't think they have to completely block my family out to do that, you know?


Quoting kss12:

I would just show up for your kids sake then leave quickly after. Or call your mom and act dumb and say "when should we plan on being there for the hunt". I kow you're tired of reaching out but your kids obviously enjoy it!!

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catrig
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:11 AM
Give them a break. They have other things om their minds.
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TJandKarasMom
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:15 AM
I get that. But he's also 7 weeks old. It's not like he was just born last week and this is all new and crazy. Things have settled down a lot, they have gotten into a routine and he is doing great.

They can have other things on their mind, but I am sure it has also crossed their mind that it's Easter. Couldn't they just send a text or a quick phone call maybe on their hour long ride to the hospital, saying "we'd like to see the kids, but things are tough with the baby right now. Let's do Easter later". I mean some acknowledgement of their other grandchildren.

I don't expect anything from my brother, yet he has had time to somehow pick out an Easter gift for my kids. But my parents haven't said a word? I just don't get it and it bothers me.


Quoting catrig:

Give them a break. They have other things om their minds.

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catrig
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:17 AM
Take a deep breath and let it go. I understand why you are upset, but I don't think it's worth getting upset over.


Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I get that. But he's also 7 weeks old. It's not like he was just born last week and this is all new and crazy. Things have settled down a lot, they have gotten into a routine and he is doing great.



They can have other things on their mind, but I am sure it has also crossed their mind that it's Easter. Couldn't they just send a text or a quick phone call maybe on their hour long ride to the hospital, saying "we'd like to see the kids, but things are tough with the baby right now. Let's do Easter later". I mean some acknowledgement of their other grandchildren.



I don't expect anything from my brother, yet he has had time to somehow pick out an Easter gift for my kids. But my parents haven't said a word? I just don't get it and it bothers me.




Quoting catrig:

Give them a break. They have other things om their minds.


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JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:43 AM
I'm sorry, (((hugs)))

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I wish I didn't understand it.



On some level I don't understand it, I get that normal people with normal relationships with their parents, always feel at home at their parents home. However my parents have made me (and DH even more so) feel unwelcome in their home, so I would never show up without an invitation. Also, they live an hour away and are young and sometimes busy, work different hours, etc, so I wouldn't drive an hour hoping they were home.



The last time I just showed up (they used to live closer, they own two homes), my dad screamed at me in front of SD, she was only like 5 maybe. So I don't just show up anymore.




Quoting JoshRachelsMAMA:

I don't understand having to be invited to my parents home on any day. 


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JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:46 AM
1 mom liked this
They're probably like that with them because they have given your parents carte Blanche with their baby. You on the other hand, have set limits and boundaries which YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO, and they don't like it.

Make your own Easter traditions now for your kids so they have pleasant memories of what they did with their parents on Easter.


Quoting TJandKarasMom:

What if they don't have any eggs? Lol. I really don't think they are thinking of my kids at all anymore. Everything is about the new baby. I totally understand he needs more than my kids right now...but he needs it from his own parents not necessarily his grandparents. I mean they should definitely be there and be supportive of my brother and the gf, but I don't think they have to completely block my family out to do that, you know?




Quoting kss12:

I would just show up for your kids sake then leave quickly after. Or call your mom and act dumb and say "when should we plan on being there for the hunt". I kow you're tired of reaching out but your kids obviously enjoy it!!

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