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Is this playing favorites?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:36 AM
  • 18 Replies

My SO and i have been together 2 years and lived together for a year.  I have a 6 yo who has delays and he has a neices who's 5 and also a brother who is 8.  On good Friday we decided to have his neice stay over and she and my son could play since they have the day off from school.  His mother found out that we had his neice over and not his bother and started giving him shit for it.  SO and I had talked about having his brother sleep over during April vacation because the 3 kids is too much for me and his brother is very whiney when he's not around.  I don't know why people have to lay guilt trips on other people for not taking both kids... If I don't feel comfortable or don't want to take both kids at the same time I don't have to.  Sorry to vent but she does this shit a lot and it gets on my nerves.  It's like she's always keeping score!  We have taken both kids overnight before and then gone out and done stuff with all 3 kids the next day and it was a lot with the two of us let alone just me by myself.

We take turns having them over I just cant have them both over when it's just me and honestly I can't handle his brother alone.  He complains a lot and doesn't want to do "kid stuff" with the other two.

Does anyone else have experience with this?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
yezay
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:43 AM

bump

yezay
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:47 AM
bump
yezay
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:57 AM

No one?

Marimaru
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM

I don't have any experience with it, but it sounds like you do see the brother, so I don't know why your boyfriend's mom is all pissy.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:50 PM

I would not invite both if the older wasnt as close to son as the younger sibling.  I think it is fine to only invite one at a time.  The mom should use that to spend more quality time with the child who is home.

PoisonousHoney
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:53 PM

If the two kids lived together I would say it's kinda mean to take one and not both. But since they live in separate homes, nah. So long as you alternate and it's not always one over the other, you're good. I think mom is just being over protective of the 8 year olds feelings. Feeling unincluded is a pretty yucky feeling. But it sounds like your doing fine by taking turns. 

I think the excuse of "it's too hard" sounds a little like a cop out though. Maybe that's how the mom sees it? 

yezay
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:01 PM

Well the 3 of them togeher is a lot of work and he's large for his age so they honestly don't all fit safely in the back seat of my car.  If he was a helpful 8 year old I'd definitely take them all but he honestly makes things harder.

The last time he slept over he cried and threw a fit because I said he couldn't take one of my son's ds games home.  He just doesn't understand no and doesn't listen to me.  If my SO isn't there I can't  handle him.  

We always take turns taking them or seeing them or my SO will do something with just his brother that way they have time together but she always has something to say when we don't bring him too.  My SO says she's kidding but it gets really old.

Quoting PoisonousHoney:

If the two kids lived together I would say it's kinda mean to take one and not both. But since they live in separate homes, nah. So long as you alternate and it's not always one over the other, you're good. I think mom is just being over protective of the 8 year olds feelings. Feeling unincluded is a pretty yucky feeling. But it sounds like your doing fine by taking turns. 

I think the excuse of "it's too hard" sounds a little like a cop out though. Maybe that's how the mom sees it? 


dusky_rose
by Sue on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:23 PM

I would just have your SO tell his mom that you plan on having his brother over on another occasion (without the niece).


MommyMarcoux
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:51 PM

 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.

yezay
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.

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