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My SO and i have been together 2 years and lived together for a year.  I have a 6 yo who has delays and he has a neices who's 5 and also a brother who is 8.  On good Friday we decided to have his neice stay over and she and my son could play since they have the day off from school.  His mother found out that we had his neice over and not his bother and started giving him shit for it.  SO and I had talked about having his brother sleep over during April vacation because the 3 kids is too much for me and his brother is very whiney when he's not around.  I don't know why people have to lay guilt trips on other people for not taking both kids... If I don't feel comfortable or don't want to take both kids at the same time I don't have to.  Sorry to vent but she does this shit a lot and it gets on my nerves.  It's like she's always keeping score!  We have taken both kids overnight before and then gone out and done stuff with all 3 kids the next day and it was a lot with the two of us let alone just me by myself.

We take turns having them over I just cant have them both over when it's just me and honestly I can't handle his brother alone.  He complains a lot and doesn't want to do "kid stuff" with the other two.

Does anyone else have experience with this?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:36 AM
Replies (11-18):
MommyMarcoux
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:09 PM

 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.

Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.

 

yezay
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:13 PM
They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.


Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MommyMarcoux
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:24 PM

 Ugh. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you. It would wear my nerves down, too. Wish I had better advice for you. I guess all you can do is vent. Well you have plenty of people to support you here, so vent away. :)

Quoting yezay:

They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.


Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.


 

 

yezay
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:30 PM
Haha thanks. It can be very frustrating. She always criticizes things, owes him a grand, can't be bothered to bring him a card on his bday, gives him/ us shit if he doesn't call her enough. I don't want to vent to him about it because its his mom and I don't want it to cause us to fight.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 Ugh. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you. It would wear my nerves down, too. Wish I had better advice for you. I guess all you can do is vent. Well you have plenty of people to support you here, so vent away. :)


Quoting yezay:

They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.



Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.



Quoting MommyMarcoux:



 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.



 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MommyMarcoux
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:34 PM

 I hate it when family acts like that. I definitely get why you wouldn't want to vent to him. I try not to vent to my DH, especially if it is something that would upset him or start an argument between us. That was why I was so happy when I came across this site. Lol

Quoting yezay:

Haha thanks. It can be very frustrating. She always criticizes things, owes him a grand, can't be bothered to bring him a card on his bday, gives him/ us shit if he doesn't call her enough. I don't want to vent to him about it because its his mom and I don't want it to cause us to fight.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 Ugh. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you. It would wear my nerves down, too. Wish I had better advice for you. I guess all you can do is vent. Well you have plenty of people to support you here, so vent away. :)


Quoting yezay:

They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.



Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.



Quoting MommyMarcoux:



 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.



 


 

 

yezay
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:39 PM
Definitely. And thankfully I only see her once a month.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 I hate it when family acts like that. I definitely get why you wouldn't want to vent to him. I try not to vent to my DH, especially if it is something that would upset him or start an argument between us. That was why I was so happy when I came across this site. Lol


Quoting yezay:

Haha thanks. It can be very frustrating. She always criticizes things, owes him a grand, can't be bothered to bring him a card on his bday, gives him/ us shit if he doesn't call her enough. I don't want to vent to him about it because its his mom and I don't want it to cause us to fight.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 Ugh. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you. It would wear my nerves down, too. Wish I had better advice for you. I guess all you can do is vent. Well you have plenty of people to support you here, so vent away. :)



Quoting yezay:

They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.



Quoting MommyMarcoux:



 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.




Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.




Quoting MommyMarcoux:




 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.




 



 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MommyMarcoux
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:41 PM

 Well, at least you don't have to deal with her often. That is a good thing.:)

Quoting yezay:

Definitely. And thankfully I only see her once a month.

Quoting MommyMarcoux:

 I hate it when family acts like that. I definitely get why you wouldn't want to vent to him. I try not to vent to my DH, especially if it is something that would upset him or start an argument between us. That was why I was so happy when I came across this site. Lol


Quoting yezay:

Haha thanks. It can be very frustrating. She always criticizes things, owes him a grand, can't be bothered to bring him a card on his bday, gives him/ us shit if he doesn't call her enough. I don't want to vent to him about it because its his mom and I don't want it to cause us to fight.


Quoting MommyMarcoux:


 Ugh. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you. It would wear my nerves down, too. Wish I had better advice for you. I guess all you can do is vent. Well you have plenty of people to support you here, so vent away. :)



Quoting yezay:

They really don't have the best relationship and he gets annoyed by her too but he also defends her. She was a relatively absent mother growing up. He always says she's just kidding but it wears on me.



Quoting MommyMarcoux:



 You are welcome. It is sad that other issues effect little things like this. Just keep your head up and do your best not let it get to you. Have you been able to talk to your SO about how upsetting his mother's comments are to you? Chances are that anything you say to her will get taken out of context and make you out to be the bad guy. If your SO could talk to her about laying off on it, do you think she would pay attention, or would it just cause more issues? Best of luck to you either way.




Quoting yezay:

Thank you. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that SOs parents are divorced and he's closer to his dad. There's other issues with his mom and she just runs me the wrong way often.




Quoting MommyMarcoux:




 First of all, it is not playing favorites to have them take turns visiting. It makes good sense to allow them to come one at a time if that is what you feel you can handle best. Secondly, how is it your job to worry about playing favorites? They are not you kids. It isn't like the kids are siblings. One is a cousin who likes playing with your LO, and the other is your SO's brother who thinks he too old to play on her level. There is nothing wrong with that, but it means one obviously would be over more than the other. That is even before you take into account that the 8yo is difficult to deal with when your SO isn't there. There is no reason for you to be given a guilt trip over that.




 



 


 

 

Due9
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:42 PM

I haven't been in this situation before. From reading, I don't see an issue with just having the niece over. Just explain to her that you can't handle all 3 kids and tell her the son is more of a handful. There's probably a better way to say that like, he doesn't like playing the same things as the other two that's why I don't get him as much.

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