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Cutting out the Grandparents?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:48 PM
  • 68 Replies
I'll try to keep this short, but to the point....
10 years ago, when my DH and I started dating, his oldest brother wouldn't let their parents see his Ds. I come from a big, close family, and couldn't imagine, ever, under any circumstance not allowing the in laws to see( or say my OWN parents) their grandchildren.
Fast forward to the present day, I married into the family, had 3 kids and am now expected #4. It's been 10 years. Ive had a great relationship, in the beginning, with my DHs parents. My parents and his parents have "hung out". My mother has gone for lunch with his mother ect.
Over the years there has been normal, annoying, irritating, lyeing, and crossing the line behaviour. My DH can't stand his parents, and I've always pushed the relationship because, they ARE his parents. Well now, they have really truly crossed the line. I can't put up anymore. I dont want them around me, in my home, or around my children. I told my MIL that my DH and I were really upset at what they had done, and thought it was best she didn't come to my DS!s birthday, which is next weekend.
I don't beleive in using kids as leverage, I just don't want them in my life anymore. I don't trust them, at all. Would you let your children have a relationship with people you don't trust?
So, she has sent gifts for the kids for Easter. I don't want to give the kids the gifts, because I feel like then they should call and thank their grandparents for the gifts. My Ds, could very likely invite them to his party, which I told them not to come to, and she would probably make me the bad guy and say I wont let them come. (She's very manipulative, and WOULD use the kids to try to guilt me)
So, what do I do?
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kgsharber
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:55 PM
5 moms liked this

If they are toxic and you think you rchild will just become a pawn in their stupid games, cut them out asap. It will only get worse (as you have seen) as the kids get older. Kids will start to notice and then will start being the ones hurt instead of you.

Mommytoaangel
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:01 PM
Mama been there done that dhs dad an step mom are gone sooo gosh darn toxic an they arent in our lives cut out the toxic family members when i was pregnant with our sons they were cut out the stress an annoying petty baby games were to much to take good luck pm me anytime sorry its long
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SoKamele
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Can you just allow them time with grandchildren at your house? 

jomami
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

What did they do that was so bad?

I don't think it's right to cut grandparent out unless they did something really bad - like abuse your kids. Even if you don't like them, it's not fair to your kids.

Nicole1357
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:56 PM
3 moms liked this

Yep, Idk who they are. If they are toxic, cut them out. Your kids don't deserve to be in the mix of all that drama and mind games. 

sassygoddess
by Judy on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:58 PM

 What did they do that was the last straw?

 

JoyXtwo
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Quoting Mommytoaangel:

Mama been there done that dhs dad an step mom are gone sooo gosh darn toxic an they arent in our lives cut out the toxic family members when i was pregnant with our sons they were cut out the stress an annoying petty baby games were to much to take good luck pm me anytime sorry its long










It's been three weeks since I told her I was mad, and not to come to the party. This is the first time I have EVER said anything. I usually just hold it in, and pretend everything is fine.
It has been the best, stress free three weeks in my life. It's the first time we haven't attended a " family diner( Easter)" and it's been AWSOME :)
It's just so strange for me, because I am a live and let live person by nature. ( middle child) that it's un natural for me to even say anything. Especially my husbands parents!
My mil is very good at what she does. I have never met a more manipulative, caniving, lyeing, player, that would throw her own children under the bus in my whole life.
JoyXtwo
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Quoting sassygoddess:

 What did they do that was the last straw?


 













There are many many many many other things. The last thing sort of runs into the last three things. My DH works for my fil. ( huge bad mistake, I know. He is my DHs dad, and he wants to think they are good people. So, against my support, he left his previous job, to work for his dad)
My DH has been on salary for three years. Really in my in laws best interest, because he really isn't getting paid for the amount of hours he puts in. Like, 16+ hrs a day. There has been times when my DH has worked 16+ hr days, for three weeks in a row. No days off.
My DH didn't get paid for the month of January. At all. They kept avoiding him. Asking him to wait, before he cashed checks ect. The month of January has been slow, but not slow enough that they couldn't pay him. They have a jamb long problem that has really gotten worse.
So, over the few months they have been trying to pay him. They still owe $2200.
DH is taking the 2 oldest kids to Florida, with my family, for a week. Because there is 2 kids tickets, all the tickets need to be booked together. So, DH is asking for the money. My mil offers to book the flights with her air miles because they don't have the money (BS) . Fine. We found a special, with a coupon code, for $367 a flight. It was going to be just over $1100. She turns around and books flights for $600 each, and says that they've paid us back $1800 of the $2200 that they owe.
We are not well off. I'm a SAHM. We used all our savings to live jutting the month of January when they didn't pay him. She found the most expensive flights she could, to pay us with her air miles, which isn't costing her a dime.
PoisonousHoney
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:51 PM

That's pretty horrible. and I agree, I wouldn't want them in my life anymore either. But I would still allow them to see the Grandkids undet supervision. I wouldn't allow them in my home or have a relationship with them, but don't take it out on the kids.

Quoting JoyXtwo:

Quoting sassygoddess:

 What did they do that was the last straw?


 













There are many many many many other things. The last thing sort of runs into the last three things. My DH works for my fil. ( huge bad mistake, I know. He is my DHs dad, and he wants to think they are good people. So, against my support, he left his previous job, to work for his dad)
My DH has been on salary for three years. Really in my in laws best interest, because he really isn't getting paid for the amount of hours he puts in. Like, 16+ hrs a day. There has been times when my DH has worked 16+ hr days, for three weeks in a row. No days off.
My DH didn't get paid for the month of January. At all. They kept avoiding him. Asking him to wait, before he cashed checks ect. The month of January has been slow, but not slow enough that they couldn't pay him. They have a jamb long problem that has really gotten worse.
So, over the few months they have been trying to pay him. They still owe $2200.
DH is taking the 2 oldest kids to Florida, with my family, for a week. Because there is 2 kids tickets, all the tickets need to be booked together. So, DH is asking for the money. My mil offers to book the flights with her air miles because they don't have the money (BS) . Fine. We found a special, with a coupon code, for $367 a flight. It was going to be just over $1100. She turns around and books flights for $600 each, and says that they've paid us back $1800 of the $2200 that they owe.
We are not well off. I'm a SAHM. We used all our savings to live jutting the month of January when they didn't pay him. She found the most expensive flights she could, to pay us with her air miles, which isn't costing her a dime.


JoyXtwo
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:54 PM
Quoting SoKamele:

Can you just allow them time with grandchildren at your house? 











I could do that, freeing myself of being the bad guy. I know they would never come over. Their idea of spending time with the kids is driving them around in the van buying them donuts. Isnt grandma so fun??!!
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