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Is it ok to punish all the girl in a class for a few misbehaving? UPDATE IN BLUE

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Update: Because this post is getting new replies, I wanted to update. Yes my husband and I called the school. My daughter had serious issues involving bullying last year. I have zero tolerance for it. We spoke with the school about this situation and I expressed my concern that, if the teacher knew who the trouble makers were (and she did) then she should handle those students accordingly. If she intended to send a message and take this opportunity to teach something about behavior and the effects on bullying, she could of have the entire class participate, not just the girls. It has been 3 weeks since I have made this post, and still the same issues are going on. So obviously her method of having them miss a few recesses did not work. 

Like I said, last year there were major issues. We spoke with the her teacher, and Principal many times last year over some of the hurtful things other children were saying and doing. Nothing was done until the bullying esculated and became physical. A group of students (boys and girls) chased our daughter on the playground. The playground has a lot of old oak trees with big roots everywhere. She tripped several times, getting scraped and bruised.  Yelled for them to leave her alone. When she ran up to the teacher and told her what happened, she scolded the kids and left it alone. Our daughter was starting to fail. When she should of been focusing on her school work, she would think of where she can hide while at recess. It took my husband and I threatening police and legal action to get things to stop. This seriously hurt her self esteem and we have been working hard on rebuilding it.

When she gets punished for something (even just pointing out something she did is wrong) she gets extremely emotional and depressed. The teacher making the girls sit out (punishing them) made my daughter feel awful even though she knows, and the teacher knows, she didn't do anything wrong. She thinks there must of been something wrong if her teacher made them sit out too. 

This may not seem like a big issue to some of you, that is fine but it is to us.



My daughter came home today and told us that her teacher made all the girls in the class sit out for recess because some of the girls in the class were arguing. (over whether they were friends or not) The argument did not involve all the girls. My daughter told her teacher she wasn't part of the fight, the teacher said she knows she wasn't but ''don't worry about it''. Am I wrong to be upset and want an explanation as to why only the girls in the class were punished? Apparently this issue has been ongoing in the class and the teacher was frustrated. If this was an ongoing issue I would think the teacher would notify parents and ask us all to talk to our children in order to solve the issue. I do not see how punishing the girls that weren't a part of the arguing going to make them feel very friendly to the ones causing the issue and making them sit out. I tried calling the school but no answer. I plan on calling Monday morning. Is it okay to just punish the girls or just punish the boys?

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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LoseInchesin45
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:46 PM
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I don't think it's okay to punish them all for a few misbehaving. That's like giving them all bad grades because some flunked out. Makes no sense :/

crwspringer
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:48 PM
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I think the teacher was sending a message to all the girls that she wasn't going to tolerate this behavior. Now, next time one of those arguments start, the girls who were not involved aren't going to be tolerant of the ones who were.
It stinks for your daughter, but it is an effective way to teach a lesson.
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thorntonwife
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:49 PM
I had several moments in school were we all got punished, it wasn't really a big deal. I mean sure it sucks but teachers do it to hopefully makes the ones who did do it stop by involving more people.
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MagicTemptation
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:51 PM
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But wouldn't that cause more issues than fix? Wouldn't the girls who weren't causes trouble start isolating and make rude comments about the ones who are causes problems? To my line of thinking, that wouldn't fix the issue, make sense?

Quoting crwspringer:

I think the teacher was sending a message to all the girls that she wasn't going to tolerate this behavior. Now, next time one of those arguments start, the girls who were not involved aren't going to be tolerant of the ones who were.
It stinks for your daughter, but it is an effective way to teach a lesson.


frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:52 PM

I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but i would go talk to the teacher for strategies to keep dd out of the bad choices others are making.  DD is in 1st grade and they do more positive reinforcements for the class as a whole.   She has gotten in trouble a few times at recess for bad choices.

Lionpaw
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:53 PM

How old are the girls?

Sorry, I might not like my daughter being punished for what she didn't do. But considering all the stuff about kids bullying/being mean to each other and NO ONE doing anything to help stop it/prevent it. I kind of like that the teacher is making an effort to teach good behavior...

What did they do instead of recess?  Did they do an activity on being nice/respectful/not fighting?? if so, then thats really something all kids can miss one recess for.

yayay15
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:54 PM
No I don't agree with that. It takes the punishment away from the ones that were actually doing it. "It's okay if I do it, everyone will get in trouble". My sons class had to sit out of recess because a few were goofing off ( my son was one goofing off) and I still don't agree.
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yayay15
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:56 PM
Punishing Soneone for something they didn't do is not teaching them good behavior. I feel like its doing the exact opposite.

Quoting Lionpaw:

How old are the girls?

Sorry, I might not like my daughter being punished for what she didn't do. But considering all the stuff about kids bullying/being mean to each other and NO ONE doing anything to help stop it/prevent it. I kind of like that the teacher is making an effort to teach good behavior...

What did they do instead of recess?  Did they do an activity on being nice/respectful/not fighting?? if so, then thats really something all kids can miss one recess for.

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MagicTemptation
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:01 PM

I undestand where you are coming from with that angle. My daughter was bullied a lot last year (2nd grade, she is in 3rd grade now). It wasn't until we threatened legal action and police intervention did the school actually do something to stop it. Like I said, they are 3rd graders so 8 and 9 year olds. Instead of recess they sat in a classroom with the counsoler. They were told  if someone is bullying you to tell the bully "your jacket is nice" or something like that because it will confuse them. They were told it is not right to be mean to someone else. They were also told when they have to apologize for something, not to just say sorry but why they are sorry. 

I can't really say I am okay with the confusing the bully technique. It is my opinion they it should be a zero tolerance policy (which is stated in our handbook)

Quoting Lionpaw:

How old are the girls?

Sorry, I might not like my daughter being punished for what she didn't do. But considering all the stuff about kids bullying/being mean to each other and NO ONE doing anything to help stop it/prevent it. I kind of like that the teacher is making an effort to teach good behavior...

What did they do instead of recess?  Did they do an activity on being nice/respectful/not fighting?? if so, then thats really something all kids can miss one recess for.


crwspringer
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:04 PM
I don't see it creating any problems.
I know you don't think this was fair to your daughter, but sometimes you need to trust the teachers judgement. She was there, you were not.
No one was hurt, abused, forced to do physical punishment. Just a missed recess. Not that big of a deal in the grand scheme.
I remember this happening when I was growing up. We were all extra special good for a long time afterward. The issues usually go away.
I feel that if you talk to her teacher about this, you are showing your daughter it is ok for her to not respect the teachers authority and down the line she will listen less and less.
Save your conferences with teachers for things that are more serious issues. Not a missed recess.


Quoting MagicTemptation:

But wouldn't that cause more issues than fix? Wouldn't the girls who weren't causes trouble start isolating and make rude comments about the ones who are causes problems? To my line of thinking, that wouldn't fix the issue, make sense?

Quoting crwspringer:

I think the teacher was sending a message to all the girls that she wasn't going to tolerate this behavior. Now, next time one of those arguments start, the girls who were not involved aren't going to be tolerant of the ones who were.

It stinks for your daughter, but it is an effective way to teach a lesson.



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